After Marrying the Lord of the Underworld

During dinner, Lu Yingjiu told Jing Xian about what happened at Chu Banyang’s place.

 

He said, “Chu Banyang said that the Peacock God has two broken dreams, and he gave me the specific addresses. I plan to go there in the next few days.”

 

Jing Xian nodded and said, “Well, there are people in the bar anyway.”

 

It seemed that Ye Feng and Ah Mei would be in charge of the bar for the next period of time.

 

Lu Yingjiu was very doubtful about their business capabilities.

 

But the bar was half-dead anyway, as long as they didn’t blow up the bar, the situation wouldn’t get any worse, so it didn’t matter.

 

“However,” Jing Xian changed the subject, “how did you go to see that surnamed Chu by yourself!”

 

“Didn’t he contact me temporarily.” Lu Yingjiu knew that the old vinegar had spilled over when he heard this tone, “Why are you so against him, you usually don’t care about Ye Feng and Xiao Li.”

 

Jing Xian directly said, “Those two people have no competitiveness at all.”

 

Lu Yingjiu: “…”

 

That’s heartbreaking.

 

At the same time, Ye Feng was holding a glass of wine and studying it carefully, and he sneezed hard, spilling half a glass on Ah Mei’s new skirt.

 

Ah Mei turned pale with shock and punched him in the head.

 

Xiao Li was nervously reporting to Chu Banyang, and he sneezed hard.

 

His master reacted quickly, blocking the spray attack with the documents in his hand, and told Xiao Li to copy books for him tonight.

 

“Of course,” Jing Xian said, “I don’t think that surnamed Chu will pose any threat to my position. I really want to say that I don’t care at all, to show the generosity of the master of the house, but I’m so jealous, like a lemon, like a hundred-year-old vinegar just unearthed from the ghost world, like the bitter sourness when you accidentally pour a whole bottle of vinegar into your dumplings!”

 

This sentence somehow hit Lu Yingjiu’s funny bone.

 

He was originally holding a piece of meat, but he laughed so hard that his chopsticks were shaking.

 

After laughing for a long time, he finally spoke with a smile, “You shouldn’t be called Jing Xian, you should be called Vinegar Xian.”

 

“Call me whatever you want.” Jing Xian took a sip of soup, “If possible, I’d rather hear you call me ‘husband’ in bed, the more the better.”

 

Lu Yingjiu: ?

 

He kicked Jing Xian lightly under the table. “How can you turn any topic to bed?”

 

Jing Xian emphasized. “This is my normal need and legal right! Normal! Legal!”

 

“Yes, yes, yes, normal and legal.” Lu Yingjiu appeased him, “Old vinegar jar, finish your soup quickly, it’s getting cold.”

 

****

 

The day after tomorrow, Lu Yingjiu and Jing Xian took the high-speed train.

 

The village Chu Banyang told them about was called Lintian Village. It took two or three hours to get to the nearest city to the village by high-speed train.

 

On the high-speed train, Jing Xian fully utilized the function of his four-dimensional backpack, with endless snacks and fast food.

 

When Lu Yingjiu took the high-speed train to other places for commissions before, he would rest with his eyes closed all the way. He was not interested in food, let alone high-speed train meals.

 

Jing Xian perfectly solved this problem.

 

In the first ten minutes, they were sharing a bag of weird-flavored peanuts.

 

The passengers in the neighboring seats were very calm.

 

After the peanuts were finished, they started to share pork chops.

 

The neighboring seats glanced over a few times.

 

After the pork chop was finished, it was almost mealtime. Jing Xian took out beef rice with nest egg he made and fed it to Lu Yingjiu, along with a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice and chocolate dessert after the meal.

 

This time, the aroma spread all around, and the eyes of the neighboring seats were straight.

 

With snacks as company, two or three hours passed quickly.

 

When they arrived at the station, Lu Yingjiu got off the train and saw a sea of people outside. Many of them were here to pick up people, holding big signs saying [Welcome xxx]

 

Lu Yingjiu was just about to see how to get to Lintian Village by car, when Jing Xian was already ready to start hailing a ghost.

 

They were standing at the exit of the station, waiting for the ghost to bring the car over.

 

Lu Yingjiu was originally replying to messages from other exorcists, when suddenly a surprised and uncertain voice came from beside him. “Lu, Lu Yingjiu?!”

 

Lu Yingjiu looked up to see a tall, dark, and quite plump man staring at him. The man’s forehead was covered in sweat, and his face was full of surprise, so much so that his facial features seemed to squeeze together.

 

This face looked familiar.

 

Very familiar.

 

Lu Yingjiu quickly searched his memory among his colleagues who were exorcists, but he couldn’t match this person. It took him several seconds to realize:

 

Isn’t this Big Dog?! (TL: ‘Da Guo’ in the beginning chapters)

 

So many years had passed, and his chubby childhood playmate hadn’t changed much. His features still carried a unique simplicity, yet there was a subtle cunningness—

 

Lu Yingjiu didn’t know how to describe this contradictory feeling.

 

Simplicity, because when he saw Big Dog, he felt that he must be the target of telephone scams.

 

Cunningness, because when he saw Big Dog, he felt that he himself would engage in telephone scams.

 

It was like having a split personality.

 

Lu Yingjiu was surprised, but also quite happy.

 

After all, they hadn’t seen each other for so many years.

 

Big Dog—whose real name was Yao Gou—came up with a smile on his face, saying repeatedly, “Ah, I really didn’t expect to meet you here! Are you here for a vacation?”

 

“No,” Lu Yingjiu said, “I have something to do in Lintian Village.”

 

“Ah, what a coincidence!” Yao Gou clapped his hands and looked at Jing Xian, “I’m just about to go there! Let’s go together! I’ve already booked a car, and it just happens to be missing two people! You and your friend come along, I won’t charge you.”

 

After saying that, he enthusiastically tried to lead Lu Yingjiu in a certain direction.

 

Just as Lu Yingjiu was about to reply, he suddenly noticed that Jing Xian beside him was slightly stiff.

 

It took him a few seconds to remember: Jing Xian had approached him in the name of Big Dog.

 

Now, by some strange coincidence, the real and fake Big Dogs had met.

 

It’s indeed intriguing.

 

While Yao Gou was calling people over, Lu Yingjiu joked, “How do you feel about meeting the real person?”

 

“No feelings.” Jing Xian was insincere.

 

Lu Yingjiu laughed and poked Jing Xian.

 

Jing Xian caught his hand and lightly and quickly scratched the inside of his wrist.

 

It was ticklish.

 

And quite enticing.

 

Yao Gou was so enthusiastic, and Lu Yingjiu just happened to want to catch up with him, so he told Jing Xian not to call a ghost car and to ride in Yao Gou’s car.

 

As soon as they went over, they saw a dilapidated van parked by the side of the road.

 

The driver, who looked very social, had dyed a strand of his hair yellow and was squatting by the side of the road smoking. There were also two older women speaking in dialect, constantly pulling in customers, trying to get anyone they saw into the van.

 

Yao Gou pointed and said, “Come on, get in.”

 

Lu Yingjiu: “…I don’t know why, but it gives me the feeling of a black car.” (TL: illegal taxi;   unlicensed motor vehicle)

 

“Because it is a black car.” Yao Gou admitted nonchalantly, “I searched for a long time to find such a cheap one, only 20 per person, come on, get in quickly!”

 

After saying that, he got into the van first. The whole car sank under his weight, making a very ominous “creak” sound.

 

Lu Yingjiu: “…”

 

Jing Xian: “…”

 

At this point, it seemed impossible to refuse. They got in the car, feeling as if they had boarded a pirate ship.

 

This was an 8-seater van. As soon as they got in, Lu Yingjiu smelled a strong aroma of instant noodles.

 

In the last row, two men were sitting, slurping chicken noodles loudly. They were shirtless, revealing dark tattoos, their faces fierce, with large gold chains hanging around their necks, looking at the three of them with unfriendly eyes.

 

Yao Gou was oblivious to the subtle tension in the air. He glanced at the two men, his gaze fixating on their tattoos, and suddenly exclaimed, “Ah, these two big brothers, there is a saying in the jargon that goes, ‘Don’t tattoo a dragon over the shoulder, don’t tattoo a tiger downhill!’ You guys, one with a dragon over the shoulder and the other with a tiger down the mountain, I’m afraid you can’t suppress it!”

 

(t/n: “Don’t tattoo a dragon over the shoulder, don’t tattoo a tiger downhill.” It conveys the idea that certain symbols or images, like dragons and tigers, should be placed with respect to their traditional associations and not in a way that diminishes their significance. It’s often used to emphasize the importance of cultural understanding and sensitivity in the use of symbols.)

 

The two men remained silent.

 

After a long while, one of them said gruffly, “I like it.”

 

Just as the atmosphere was becoming tense, the van sank again as the driver with the dyed yellow hair got in. He brought with him the smell of smoke, slammed the door shut, and stepped on the gas to start the journey.

 

The van swayed.

 

If Xiao Li were in the car, he would have vomited two or three rounds by now.

 

Yao Gou kept muttering about the taboos of tattoos. Although his volume was very low, as if he was talking to himself, occasionally the two men would hear him.

 

As a result, their faces became increasingly unhappy, their eating speed slowed down, and they frequently looked at Yao Gou.

Just as one of them was about to speak, Lu Yingjiu said, “Are you new here too?”

 

His voice was pleasant, as always, carrying a sense of calm.

 

Perhaps because he used to hold a high position and often gave orders, his words carried an aura that made people want to listen carefully.

 

The tense atmosphere dissipated a lot.

 

The man hesitated and eventually didn’t speak.

 

“Oh me,” Yao Gou’s attention was indeed diverted, “Yes, yes, I heard something happened in Lintian Village, so I thought I’d go and see. Look, I’m fully armed.”

 

After saying that, he rummaged in his bag and took out a few crumpled, pickle-like talismans to show Lu Yingjiu.

 

Upon closer inspection, the talismans were a mess, like ghostly scribbles. Yao Gou’s parents knew how to exorcise ghosts, but they were all half-baked skills, going out to deceive people with exorcism business.

 

Like father, like son, Yao Gou inherited those half-baked skills without any loss, and carried forward his parents’ spirit of deceiving people.

 

Lu Yingjiu held a talisman and looked at it for a while, then looked at Jing Xian, thinking that no matter the real or fake Big Dog, their exorcism skills were poor.

 

However, since Yao Gou said so…

 

Lu Yingjiu asked, “What happened in Lintian Village?”

 

“Oh, it’s like this,” Yao Gou perked up when he mentioned this, “Several decades ago—probably twenty or thirty years ago, a family in the village couldn’t afford to marry a wife, and in a moment of desperation, they suddenly embarked on a criminal path: they decided to buy a woman to be their son’s wife.”

 

“Ah, you see, this feudal thinking is really harmful. Worried about having no descendants? They’re not royalty, what are they afraid of having no descendants for.”

 

He wiped his sweat with the back of his hand and continued, “At that time, the management was not so strict, and they really bought her back, watching her every day to prevent her from escaping. The girl was miserable, crying every day, calling for help but no one responded. She tried to escape several times but failed, and finally committed suicide by jumping into a well.”

 

Lu Yingjiu asked, “So, did she become a vengeful ghost and stay in the village?”

 

“Almost, almost,” Yao Gou nodded with his eyes squinted, “A week after she jumped into the well, the whole family of that household died.”

 

“If you look at the news reports at the time, a farmer passing by their house saw blood seeping from the door, blood dripping from the trees, and even their dog had stepped on a trail of bloody footprints, from the end of the village all the way to the head of the village. He quickly called the police. Tsk tsk, the scene was too gruesome.”

 

The two men in the back were eating and listening, their chewing slowed down, and their faces turned slightly pale.

 

Yao Gou took out a crumpled newspaper and showed it to Lu Yingjiu.

 

Lu Yingjiu took it and read the report with Jing Xian.

 

The situation was roughly the same as what Yao Gou had said.

 

Later, the police followed the clues and caught all the human traffickers in one fell swoop. Those who should be sentenced were sentenced, and those who should be imprisoned were imprisoned for a long time before the matter was settled.

 

Lu Yingjiu said, “Since it’s something from decades ago, why did you think of coming over recently?”

 

“Ah, isn’t there a rumor in the village recently that the female ghost has returned?” Yao Gou answered, “I thought I’d go and see, and then, by the way…”

 

He laughed, his face full of fat squeezed together, rubbed his fingers, and lowered his voice, “The people in the village are rich, the price they give must not be low. How about it, I told you it’s worth it, right? If there’s money, we brothers will earn it together.”

 

Yao Gou chatted for a while about how much the reward would be, and fantasized about life after receiving the money. Suddenly he realized something and asked Lu Yingjiu, “Ah, you haven’t introduced your friend yet.”

 

“Oh. His name is Jing Xian, he’s an employee of my office.” Lu Yingjiu said.

 

He secretly poked Jing Xian, and Jing Xian showed a standard friendly fake smile again.

 

“Oh oh oh, hello hello.” Yao Gou said, “I’m Yao Gou, you can call me anything, most people call me Big Dog.”

 

Lu Yingjiu thought to himself: Jing Xian knows very well that you’re called Big Dog.

Yao Gou started to chat again, vividly describing to Lu Yingjiu how he had been traveling around the world over the years.

 

Although his exorcism skills were poor, his mouth was like a running train that never stopped. He often fooled customers until they were dizzy and inexplicably paid him. Now he didn’t stop talking for half a minute, talking about how he outsmarted the willow tree ghost, how he killed the fox spirit with three punches, how he fished while enforcing the law, and how he dressed as a woman for three days to lure out the lustful ghost.

 

(t/n The Chinese expression “钓鱼执法” translates to “fishing while enforcing the law” in English. It is often used metaphorically to describe a situation where someone is abusing their authority or using their position for personal gain. In this context, “fishing” implies trying to catch something, while “enforcing the law” suggests carrying out official duties. So, the phrase conveys the idea of someone misusing their power for personal benefit.)

 

Those stories were simply vividly told.

 

If Lu Yingjiu hadn’t known Yao Gou’s true level, he really would have been intimidated by him.

 

–Just like the two tattooed big brothers in the back seat, they were already stunned.

 

Over the years, Yao Gou had been running around in various counties and townships, seizing opportunities to make a quick buck.

 

“So many people are simply ungrateful!” Yao Gou cursed, “I work so hard for them, and in the end, they all call me a liar!”

 

Strictly speaking, Yao Gou was not a liar.

 

On the contrary, he was very dedicated every time he worked for a customer.

 

He’s just too damn bad, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t solve the problem.

 

Lu Yingjiu listened to his story, half believing and half doubting.

 

But the big brother in the back seat actually asked Yao Gou, “Are you some kind of master?”

 

“Ah, you’ve found the right person!” Yao Gou slapped his thigh, “Exactly!”

 

The big brother hesitated and asked, “Are all the things you said about the over shoulder dragon and the downhill tiger true…”

 

“Of course they’re true!” Yao Gou shouted, “There are many taboos in tattooing. It’s fate that we met. Let me explain to you. The saying goes, ‘Don’t tattoo a dragon over the shoulder, don’t tattoo a tiger downhill, Guanyin with closed eyes doesn’t save the world, Guan Gong with open eyes kills.’”

 

“Some things are good when they stay there. You say Guanyin is not kind, you say Guan second master is not loyal? That’s obviously impossible, but ordinary people’s fate can’t suppress it…”

 

For the next half hour, Lu Yingjiu was forced to listen to Yao Gou’s tattoo lecture.

 

The two big brothers were so impressed that they kept saying they had met a master.

 

When they finally arrived at Lintian Village, Yao Gou collected 50 yuan from each of them before getting out of the car, saying it was for them to “spend money to eliminate disasters.”

 

After collecting the money, he gave each of them a peace talisman that looked like pickles.

 

The big brothers treasured it and thanked him as they left.

 

Lu Yingjiu: “…”

 

He now knew how Yao Gou had been getting by these years.

 

Yao Gou suggested that he could find a local guest house in the village to recommend to the two of them.

 

Given their previous experience with the black car, Lu Yingjiu was skeptical.

 

But Yao Gou insisted on recommending his choice, so the three of them headed east of the village.

 

Lintian Village had a good environment. Even though it’s a village, it looked much wealthier than Mt. Gassan Village in the deep mountains. The buildings were new and beautiful, with balconies full of vibrant flowers.

 

A few local dogs lay by the roadside, lazily watching them.

 

Lu Yingjiu walked and enjoyed the breeze, feeling quite comfortable.

 

Until they got close to the guest house, he heard a series of noises.

 

A large crowd gathered in a small square.

 

A man in black was shouting hoarsely, “She ran away? How could she just run away like this, I’ve already paid her the money!”

 

Another woman covered her face, her voice choking with tears, “She left all the money on the table, saying she didn’t want to do it anymore.”

 

“What the hell are we going to do now!” the man cursed.

 

Yao Gou cleared his throat and stepped forward, “Hey, hey, hey, everyone! Calm down! What happened?”

 

The man looked at him and asked, “Are you…are you that master?”

 

“Exactly.” Yao Gou puffed out his belly proudly, “Didn’t I say I would come today?”

 

“Ah, I didn’t expect you to come so early!” the man said, “We were just following your advice and getting things done, but the bride we hired ran away!”

 

The villagers gathered around, whispering to each other, their faces full of worry.

 

Yao Gou was talking to the man.

 

Lu Yingjiu stood by and listened, finally understanding what was going on.

 

It turned out that the villagers were worried that the female ghost would come back for revenge, so they were looking for help everywhere.

 

Yao Gou had just taken on this job, and he gave a lot of advice on WeChat, saying that the female ghost was disappointed in love. He suggested that they arrange for two young people, one to play the groom and the other the bride, and wait for him to perform the specific ceremony when he arrived, guaranteeing there would be no problem.

 

After hearing his words, the villagers had been looking for people these past few days.

 

But who would easily agree to such a strange-sounding task?

 

The villagers pooled their money and paid a high price to hire someone to play the bride.

 

But the young girl who was supposed to play the bride became more and more scared the more she thought about it. She felt she couldn’t earn this money, so she ran away.

 

And the person to play the groom was still undecided.

 

“Master, what should we do now?” the man asked.

 

“Don’t worry,” Yao Gou shook his head, “I’m here now, there must be a way.” He pointed at Lu Yingjiu, “This one is also a master. With both of us here, it’s like a perfect combination, unbeatable. Even the legendary strategists Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong couldn’t compare.”

 

The man’s eyes lit up, “That’s great! But how do we solve the problem of the bride and groom?”

 

“No problem!” Yao Gou was full of confidence, “You pay me more, and I’ll play the groom.”

 

“Oh, oh, oh, that’s good, that’s good. What about the bride?”

 

Yao Gou pointed at Lu Yingjiu and said, “Let him play it.”

 

Lu Yingjiu: “…?”

 

He was originally just enjoying the show, but he didn’t expect to be dragged into it.

 

Yao Gou quickly whispered to him, “Let’s… let’s just fool them for now, brother, I’m sorry for the inconvenience. How about this, I’ll give you more money, two-thirds or three-quarters? Ah, I’m really bleeding money here, but I promise you won’t lose out.”

 

The man was stunned and asked, “Ah, isn’t the bride supposed to be a woman…”

 

“He’s a master.” Yao Gou emphasized again, “Whether it’s male or female, gender has never been a problem. Just stick a talisman on him, disguise his identity, and it’s more than enough to fool that kind of little ghost.”

 

The man nodded again and again, “Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, yes.”

 

Seeing that the problem was solved, he breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Yao Gou clapped his hands, “Alright, let’s settle it like this. Master Lu will pretend to be the bride, and I’ll pretend to be the groom…”

 

Then he felt a heavy hand on his hand.

 

It felt like being clamped by iron tongs, as if a little more force would crush his wrist bone. Yao Gou gasped and turned his head to see—

 

Jing Xian was staring at him intently, his mouth hooked in a smile, but his dark eyes were devoid of it.

 

He said, “Here’s a suggestion, let me be the groom.”

 

“Ah,” Yao Gou said subconsciously, “Isn’t that inappropriate? This is the task I took on…”

 

Jing Xian said, “Do you see the bridge piers by the sea?”

 

“I see them,” Yao Gou answered.

 

“Do you want to go in?” Jing Xian said, “It’s very comfortable inside, I guarantee you won’t have to be the groom for the rest of your life.”

 

Yao Gou: “…”

 

Yao Gou: “Alright, then Master Jing is our groom!! Let’s give him a round of applause! Wish them a long and happy life together!”

 

There was a wave of applause like the tide, everyone was happy, everyone was satisfied, everyone’s face was filled with bright smiles.

 

Lu Yingjiu: “…”

 

Why didn’t anyone ask for his opinion from beginning to end!!