My first memory of that day was hunger.
“I need to eat….”
I rose from bed, clutching my hungry stomach as I sat up.
Actually, something was off from that moment.
“A child?”
My vision was extremely low.
But before I could think more about it, I was completely captivated by a honey-like piece of information that flashed into my mind.
“Serenne Bakery.”
There’s a shop nearby that sells delicious white bread.
Cheap, soft, warm bread with a strong scent of cheap butter.
“I need to eat that right now.”
My mouth watered.
There was no time to waste.
I sprinted there and ate one on the spot, finally coming to my senses afterward.
“Give me ten.”
Emptying my pockets of money, I made my way back home.
Along with the fragrant smell of bread, unfamiliar memories began to gently surface in my mind.
“Evelyn.”
The memories were like zombies, dormant like corpses, suddenly awakening.
“I am twelve years old.”
The sluggish, dormant masses stirred as they began to move. Greedily opening their mouths, they grew in volume along with the cause.
This child became an orphan after her grandmother passed away.
Fortunately, there’s a house and a little money, living in a neighborhood with poor security, but she’s still “alive” thanks to something called “citizenship.”
Or rather, she was. But.
“I guess the money will run out soon. …But still, I’m lucky.”
Sense of money, speech, and writing skills. Those basic common senses remained intact regardless of memory. Thanks to them, I could buy bread. But the economic situation wasn’t that great.
“I should save bread for later,” such calm thoughts continued.
Looking back, it’s clear that I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Examining the subsequent events, it was definitely the case.
It was on my way back home, holding warm bread close, that I noticed a child leaning against Evelyn’s house gate.
“A kid?”
If I had just passed by then, would things have been different?
—
The child was remarkably small and looked even more pitiful than me. His pale cheek peeked through disheveled hair, and except for his skin, everything seemed dark from not being washed for days.
Seeing how frail they looked, I quickly let my guard down. I approached and called out to them.
“Hey.”
Seeing them flinch, I was relieved they weren’t dead. So, He was a child without a home or guardian.
“How long have they been wandering to look this ragged?”
Feeling a bit sad, I took another step and spoke.
“Why are you sleeping here? Wake up.”
As they got closer, it was clear he looked messy. But when the kid opened His eyes…
“Huh?”
Surprisingly, None of that messiness bothered me anymore.
“…Golden?”
His eyes weren’t yellow; they were golden. Perhaps he heard my surprised gasp because his golden eyes suddenly turned cold. The little one glared at me fiercely, leaving me speechless.
“Your are in front of my house.”
“You told me to come.”
“…Me?”
Without rashly asking, I silently observed the child. Memories had been coming back, but they weren’t complete yet.
‘Is he acquainted with Evelyn?’
As I hesitated to speak, the child seemed uneasy, furrowing his brows.
“Yesterday, in the alley over there.”
His small, bony finger pointed to a dreary alleyway.
Beyond the corner, it looked dark and chilly, hardly appearing as a space where anyone could stay.
I looked at the child again. “You said that to me. If you don’t want to freeze to death, come find me.”
A slightly hoarse but clear voice flowed out. Amidst the abrupt sentences, there were faint whimpers mixed in. Just as I was about to respond, the child cut in.
“If you’re pretending not to remember…”
The child’s gaze was so sharp it was hard to imagine it coming from a young child.
…Maybe he was around ten years old? How did he live to have such a gaze in such a short time?
I didn’t know what to say. At that moment, his eerie eyes briefly glanced at the bread I was holding, then flickered away. But the sight of them biting his lip…
“You’re hungry.”
What should I do? I bit my lip hard.
And then I glanced at Evelyn’s house. A crumbling home. The economic situation wasn’t great; I could barely scrape by for two months.
“But…”
Fortunately for the child, I was currently well-fed, which naturally softened my heart. Plus, I couldn’t just push such a small child out onto the streets.
In the end, I smiled and spoke gently, “Alright. Yes, that’s right.”
Maybe everything still felt like a dream.
I decided to bring the child inside.
“I was a bit out of it, so I forgot.”
“You forgot?” the child asked.
“Yeah, sorry,” I replied, feeling like it wouldn’t hurt to listen to a bit of Evelyn’s story. My memories were all jumbled up, with many gaps in the details.
“I should keep our promise. Come on in,” I said, and the child, with a slightly strange look in their eyes, stood up without hesitation.
“Come to think of it, I forgot to lock the door when I rushed out earlier,” I realized, looking at the child. He didn’t seem to be up to anything suspicious, standing there waiting by the open door.
“I haven’t even closed it,” I muttered to myself.
With the door held open by my foot, the child didn’t come further inside, remaining at the doorway, looking very cautious. It was both unsettling and comforting to see his guarded demeanor. At least he didn’t seem to have lied to me.
“Let’s feed you first,” I said, placing the bread on the empty table and addressing the child. “So, what should I call you?”
There was a faint hint of curiosity in his eyes as he looked around the room.
“Actually, I bumped my head pretty hard last night,” I babbled, trying to break the tension, and smiled at the child. “So, my recent memory is a bit fuzzy.”
“Your memory’s fuzzy?” he repeated, seeming surprised. “Strange, huh? Still, I’m lucky I haven’t forgotten my name.”
When I laughed like a naive child, he gave me a strange look.
A moment later, the child spoke up.
“Raven.”
“Huh?” I paused. When I heard the name, I suddenly felt uneasy.
“I’m Raven. And you?” they asked.
“Uh…” I faltered. As soon as I heard the name, a sense of dread washed over me.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, his face showing determination despite the childlike appearance.
“Oh, uh, nothing, it’s fine,” I stammered.
Just like the memories from earlier, I lost myself in my thoughts, grasping the edge of the table without even realizing it.
“Could it be…?” I thought to myself. But everything—the situation, the boy’s appearance and name seemed to point in one direction.
“If it’s okay, can you answer? So, what’s your name?” he asked.
The ‘young villain’ tilted his head slightly, showcasing a cold yet beautiful demeanor, despite the remaining traces of youth on his face. “I want to remember too,” he replied.
“…Really?” I asked, puzzled.
“It’s a strange thing to say,” he said with a weary and sharp tone. “If I’m going to be in your debt for a while, I should at least know the name of the landlord.”
His eyes, fixed on me, seemed to whisper that lying would lead to death, like a betrayer in a novel who tracked and killed based on names. That’s when I realized, “Ah. It’s too late to untangle this mess.” I tried to answer without stumbling further, “Evelyn.”
I looked at the young villain who repeatedly murmured my name. And then, I looked at the child already inside the house, contemplating whether chasing him out would mean my death. But no, it was better to let him in.
‘If I had told him to go back when I couldn’t remember anything earlier, I might have died then.’ The Raven I knew was such a villain. He had gone mad to seek revenge on everyone. Cruel, heartless, and even more terrifying because of his beauty.
‘No. Nothing is certain yet.’
He entered the house by coincidence, it seemed like a reality. I closed my eyes tightly and then opened them again. By chance, I said to the boy who shared the same name as that villain,
“You said your name was Raven, right?”
“Yeah.”
“How about taking a look around for a moment?” The boy nodded.
Even in his awkward state, his posture was straight and his movements graceful. “Please close the front door now.”
“…Alright,” he said, starting to retract his foot from the doorframe, although his movements were somewhat clumsy. His expression, upon closer inspection, was so weary and broken that it was heartbreaking.
“…Okay. Thank you,” I said, even though there was nothing to be thankful for. It was out of pity that I wanted to reassure him. As the boy glanced at me silently, he furrowed his brows ever so slightly.
“Feel free to look around. Despite appearances, there’s everything you need here. But if there’s anything you need, just let me know,” I said.
“…Okay,” he replied quietly.
“There’s also a room over there. Mine is, um…”
As I waited, my memory returned.
“Oh, right,” I remembered. “Over there. It’s a room without a bed. You can use this side.”
The golden eyes blinked momentarily, then wavered.
“If you don’t like it because of the bed, we can switch rooms,” I offered.
“Anyway, we’ll have to sleep together.”
…Would I be able to sleep soundly?
“I’ll go with the room with the bed,” the boy said, his answer somewhat unexpected.
I couldn’t help but smile at his sudden response. “Finally, you spoke up.”
Raven gave me a puzzled look. “Don’t be so nervous. It’s not you who should be nervous right now, it’s me. Being so guarded makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong.”
“You,” I said, remembering his name. “What is it?”
Slowly, Raven opened his mouth. “It’s different from when I saw you before.”
“Ah,” I replied, understanding that he must be referring to when Evelyn told me to come here. So, that’s why he was so cautious.
I quickly grasped the situation and let out a complicated sigh. ‘Yes, I’ve become this Evelyn.’ I couldn’t be sure if it was a reincarnation from a book, but it felt certain.
It was troubling. The increasing discomfort in my body, which had been building up since earlier, made me want to be alone. I wanted to go somewhere and clutch a pillow or something.
‘I want to find some painkillers and take them.’ And, and…
‘I want to confirm it.’ If my speculation was correct.
As the title that came to mind the moment I saw him, I had something to ask the boy.
“I told you. I said I lost some memories earlier.”
But in front of the already anxious child, I couldn’t display my impatience and anxiety. I smiled nonchalantly and said, “So, I’m a bit anxious right now, pretending as if I’m not.”
“Why are you pretending not to be anxious?” he asked.
“Because you seem more anxious than me.”
I shrugged, and as I did, the boy blinked as if he were taken aback.
He seemed like he wanted to say something, but then closed his mouth without speaking, just staring at me as if observing me.
So, observe to your heart’s content, scrutinize, and finally find peace.
‘And after that, please talk to me.’
Hoping silently in my heart, I smiled as gently as possible.
“I mentioned earlier about going to the room with the bed, right? Then go and check it out. I have a bit of a headache, so I’ll stay here.”
“I mentioned earlier about going to the room with the bed, right? Then go and check it out. I have a bit of a headache, so I’ll stay here.”
“…Here?”
“Yeah. I don’t go anywhere. Don’t worry, just check it out and come back.”
Despite his lingering caution, the boy, now with a much calmer expression than before, headed toward the room. Watching him go, I closed my eyes tightly.
And then, I recalled what I had been forcing myself to forget.
‘The mindset of a fallen saint.’
Like a neon sign lighting up, the familiar title of the book popped into my head as soon as I saw Raven.
“The Mindset of a Fallen Saint.” That was the novel my younger brother gave me. I heard it had even been published somewhere.
“There’s only one copy of the physical book in the world,” he said, handing it to me with dry hands. He said he specially made it for me, even though it wasn’t my taste, studying and writing romance novels.
Since he found it troublesome to come up with detailed settings, he asked me to do it for him, and I lent him a hand…
Even amid the chaos of adulthood, I read that novel until it was worn out. Each sentence was precious, and each set contained our shared moments.
“…I miss it.”
The content itself strictly followed clichés. The story revolves around the fragile heroine, Lucy, who escapes her cage and finds passionate love, leading to a happy ending where she receives more love than she gave.
Because Lucy was a nun trapped in a convent, the author added a backdrop of “war” to extract her from there. To make the heroine stand out in the war, the author placed the “Holy Grail” at the center of the conflict. By making the true owner of the “Holy Grail” a “saint,” a perfect stage was set for the heroine.
“There were two, no, three men who fell in love with the standout saint.”
The main male lead was Prince Adrian Bridium, the most passionate in love. Due to his strong influence on the saint, who became cold and passive from living in seclusion, he became the main male lead.
Of course, there was also a starkly contrasting sub-male lead, Zayle Rokard. He was a gentleman who smiled just by looking at the saint. While he seemed dangerous to others, he was adorable to Lucy alone.
“…He never properly confessed his love, which made it more poignant.”
My brother said Zayle resembled himself.
“So, he said he didn’t like him.”
He didn’t dislike him. Looking at the meticulously described psychological descriptions, it was clear he liked him.
If the character my brother adored was Zayle Rokard, then the character I cherished was not the main or sub-male lead, but the villain.
So, the boy who entered the room with a bed a moment ago, with the same name as that… “Raven North.”
He was the villain.
Although he occupied the position of the sub-male lead because he loved Lucy, whenever he appeared, scenes of obsession, kidnapping, and confinement would occur.
Despite being such a villain who only did bad things, the reason I liked him the most was all because of his backstory. His life story was so pitiful and convoluted that it was suffocating.
Of course, I didn’t tell my brother that.
“This guy seems to have nothing but his face, Nuna.”
“That face is important.”
“…Yeah. Then I’ll set his face as his only skill.”
I shouldn’t have said that back then.
Recalling my brother’s rough face at the time, I sighed.
