“Charlotte.”
In her hazy memory, she could still see the man looking at her, not even bothering to wipe the blood dripping from his lips down to his chin. She vaguely remembered him catching her just before her collapsing body hit the ground.
She was in shock for days, unable to gather her thoughts. She didn’t even attend her mother’s funeral. When she finally regained some clarity, the only thing on her mind was escaping that dreadful place. So, she fled, desperately trying to avoid his gaze.
“…It’ll be okay. It has to be okay.”
Charlotte took a deep breath, steeling herself as she walked unsteadily towards the bed.
“I’ll never have to see him again.”
She was whispering this like a mantra when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Startled, she hesitated for a moment before cautiously opening it. It was Derek.
Seeing Charlotte’s pale, ghost-like face, Derek looked worried.
“Sorry to bother you so late, Cecile. My mom asked me to bring this up to you.”
“…Oh…”
“Did I scare you? You look… pale.”
Derek handed her a tray with some yogurt and fruit. It seemed Sarah had been concerned when Charlotte said she wouldn’t be having dinner. Charlotte gave Derek a faint smile as she took the tray.
“No, it’s fine. I was just a bit startled.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Derek scratched the back of his head awkwardly and didn’t immediately turn to leave. Charlotte looked at him curiously, and after a moment of hesitation, he spoke again.
“Cecile, I was wondering… if you’re free this weekend, could we maybe spend some time together?”
“This weekend?”
“Yes, Saturday evening.”
Charlotte blinked in surprise at the sudden request. Derek bowed his head, unable to hide his embarrassment. His neck turned a deep shade of red. For some reason, this sight felt oddly familiar to Charlotte.
Derek was twenty now, the same age she had been when she went through all that trauma and barely escaped her nightmares. It was an age of innocence, honesty, and vulnerability.
“Derek, I…”
“It’s okay if you can’t. Really, don’t feel pressured.”
Seeing Charlotte’s hesitant expression, Derek quickly added, his face flushing even more. Charlotte thought for a moment before responding.
“Alright.”
“Oh, well, if you can’t—wait, what?”
Derek, who had started to turn away in exaggerated resignation, spun back around.
“I said alright. You want to have dinner together, right?”
“Yes, that’s it… but…”
Charlotte had always been defensive and passive in response to his attempts to get closer. Derek had expected another rejection this time, so her unexpected agreement made his face light up instantly.
“Then I’ll come pick you up after work.”
“Okay, that sounds good.”
Like a puppy wagging its tail happily, Derek quickly responded. Charlotte smiled and nodded.
“Well, I’ll…”
“Yeah, I’ll take the empty dishes back to the kitchen after I finish.”
“Great!”
Derek finally nodded and turned to leave. Charlotte watched his retreating figure descend the stairs before closing the door and lying down on her bed.
She should have said no, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it after seeing his expression.
For two years and three months, she had lived like a shadow. Could she ever truly escape that nightmare, escape from him? She longed for a bit of peace, to smile again. Wanting a moment of happiness wasn’t wrong, was it?
***
Dinner with Derek turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable.
Instead of a quiet restaurant, he had chosen a lively but cozy pub. It seemed like he had picked the place to make her feel more at ease.
Derek, being used to dealing with people, had a natural gift for conversation. He skillfully avoided any topics that might make her uncomfortable. His friendly demeanor helped Charlotte lower her guard, and the atmosphere remained cheerful throughout the evening.
“…and if my friend hadn’t caught me, it could’ve been a disaster!”
“Wow, that must have been scary, Derek.”
“You have no idea. As soon as I got home, my mom gave me such a scolding…”
“Hahaha.”
Charlotte laughed heartily, her face slightly flushed from the alcohol. Derek, momentarily entranced by her smile, awkwardly cleared his throat.
“But what about you, Cecile?”
“Me?”
“I’d like to hear your story. About your family, your work, anything really.”
Despite not seeming particularly distant or dark, she always had an air of mystery about her. She was a good listener and kind, but she never shared much about her past. Derek had always been curious.
Caught off guard by his sudden request, Charlotte looked down, her expression momentarily blank.
“Well, I’m not sure where to start.”
“Oh… you don’t have to if it’s difficult. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not that hard to talk about. Really.”
As the mood shifted, Derek looked uncomfortable, prompting Charlotte to smile reassuringly.
“There were four of us in my family. My father, mother, sister, and me.”
“You said ‘were’…?”
When he cautiously asked about the past tense, she responded immediately.
“They’re gone now. It’s just me.”
She deliberately pushed another memory out of her mind.
“Oh…”
Derek sighed, finally understanding why she rarely talked about her past or clammed up when family topics arose. He felt a pang of guilt.
“I’m sorry, Cecile.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry, Derek.”
“But…”
“It’s really okay. It was a long time ago.”
Charlotte waved her hand dismissively and took another sip of beer. The unfamiliar drink made her cough, and when Derek reached out to pat her back, she declined.
“I’m truly sorry.”
“It’s fine. I’ll get used to it.”
Charlotte forced a smile.
Thankfully, the atmosphere didn’t stay heavy for long. Derek, realizing she was uncomfortable with personal topics, smoothly shifted the conversation. Charlotte, too, quickly engaged with his stories, as if she hadn’t been upset at all. They talked about many things on the way back to the boarding house—childhood memories, his current job at the general store, and the tailor shop.
“I had a great time today, Derek.”
“Me too.”
Derek, standing at Charlotte’s door, blushed as he continued, “If it’s okay with you, maybe tomorrow…”
“Derek.”
Charlotte interrupted him, knowing it was impolite, but her face was serious. Derek looked up, startled, and saw her solemn expression.
“I can’t accept your feelings.”
“Cecile…”
“Please don’t ask why. I just…”
Charlotte paused, choosing her words carefully, then spoke with determination.
“I’ve decided not to love anyone.”
She had made that decision the day she fled from him with nothing but the clothes on her back. Her last experience with love had ended so disastrously that she couldn’t imagine loving anyone again.
For her, love equaled loss and pain.
“I’m sorry, and thank you.”
With those words, Charlotte closed the door, leaving Derek standing there, speechless.
He stood in front of the firmly closed door for a moment before slowly walking away, his heart aching more with each step.
From the day he first saw her at the general store, he had been drawn to her. There was something about her shadowed, weary face that he couldn’t ignore. He had tried to get closer to her, always hovering around her like it was a coincidence. That’s why he had been so overjoyed when she accepted his dinner invitation. But now, it felt like his world had collapsed.
Not wanting to return to his stifling room, Derek wandered outside aimlessly. The alcohol he had been too tense to feel earlier now hit him hard. He roamed through the alleys, not caring where he went.
The alleyways of the bar district, now darkened by the setting sun, were filled with drunken men, prostitutes, and drug-addicted vagrants. A young man stumbling around drunk was easy prey for them.
As Derek walked through a narrow alley, he bumped shoulders with someone.
“Move.”
“What? You little punk!”
He had only pushed the man aside because he was blocking the way, but the vagrant grabbed him by the collar immediately. The stench made Derek wrinkle his nose. The vagrant’s companions quickly surrounded them.
“What’s going on?”
“This kid just hit me. He must have a death wish!”
“Is that so?”
As the atmosphere grew more menacing, Derek’s drunken mind began to clear. Just then, a fist flew towards his face. With a heavy thud, Derek fell to the ground, clutching his swelling cheek. Kicks rained down on him before he could even defend himself.
Curled up tightly with his eyes shut, he suddenly heard the vagrants’ screams echoing through the alley.
“Ugh!”
“Ah! What the hell is this guy?”
“Aaargh!”
Derek forced his heavy eyelids open. Blood splattered the ground, and the vagrants lay scattered, beaten. The man who had taken them down without mercy extended a hand to Derek.
“Are you alright?”
The man’s long, clean fingers seemed incongruous with the violence he had just unleashed. As soon as Derek took his hand, he lost consciousness.
🍉🍉🍉
