A Blank Slate Regression For The Idol That Lost His Original Intention

“Come on, not much time left! Let’s push through until the end of the year!”

 

Clapping my hands, I encouraged the members sprawled out on the practice room floor to get up.

 

With the year-end music festivals on the three major broadcasting networks fast approaching, we were practically living in the practice room all day. Luckily, we had secured enough reality show footage with the Christmas song music video making and some casual daily shoots.

 

Thanks to Gyeon Ha-jun, who had been tutoring Seo Ye-hyun one-on-one for the special stage choreography, Ye-hyun had managed to get to a level where he could at least keep up with the group choreography. He still had a long way to go before matching the angles perfectly, though.

 

I was feeling the pressure, knowing that we had to get the choreography sharp enough to earn the “knife-like precision” compliment.

 

“Can we call it a day?”

 

Ryu Jae-hee, still lying on the practice room floor, suggested. It was obvious he was trying to find a way to avoid more movement.

 

“Sure, we can stop now and then let KICKS not only take the WAMA Rookie of the Year award but also make us look like we lack skills. I’m so proud of our group.”

 

“You’re saying that, but your eyes look like you’re about to snap…”

 

“Why don’t you look at Ha-jun instead?”

 

Ryu Jae-hee, who had glanced over at Gyeon Ha-jun leaning against the mirror with a quiet smile, quickly jumped up and pulled Kim Do-bin, who was rolling around next to him, to his feet.

 

“Hyung, if you don’t want to die, get up… Ha-jun hyung looks like he’s about to snap…”

 

Seeing Ha-jun’s eyes flash with intensity, Kim Do-bin shot up like lightning.

 

Finally, Ha-jun, who seemed to have regained some composure, began pointing out things to Seo Ye-hyun.

 

“Pay attention to the timing by watching the person in front of you. Matching the angles might be tough right now, but at least try to adjust using the mirror.”

 

The rearranged version of our song played. We had heard it so much that the original version was almost forgotten.

 

After what felt like hours, we finally wrapped up today’s practice and left the room.

 

Only Seo Ye-hyun stayed behind, saying he wanted to practice more.

 

Adjusting his snapback, I sighed in frustration.

 

“If he only took into account the time he spends practicing, he’d be winning world championships. Why isn’t he improving?”

 

“There are people like that, you know. Those naturally bad at dancing, who struggle to keep up even after practicing like crazy. If they were completely stiff, at least they’d have an excuse, but since they can improve somewhat, they just can’t give up.”

 

Kim Do-bin, who had spent more than half his life dancing, shrugged as he explained.

 

“I’ve seen a few cases like that. Ye-hyun hyung is probably under a lot of stress. I’ve only seen one person overcome that and really improve.”

 

So, is Seo Ye-hyun never going to be that one miracle?

 

Thinking about Seo Ye-hyun, who, even after seven years, took days to memorize choreography and made mistakes on stage as a given, I couldn’t help but sigh.

 

Kim Do-bin, seeming to misinterpret my reaction, added quietly.

 

“Guys like you, who are naturally good, will never know.”

 

“Do you know, then?”

 

“Of course not. I just said that because I’ve seen cases like his. You think I would know better, being more naturally talented than you?”

 

“Stop being a smartass.”

 

I threw a playful jab and then turned to Gyeon Ha-jun, who was walking alongside us.

 

“Ha-jun, if it’s too much, just leave it to me. I know from experience how stressful it can be.”

 

“It’s okay. Ye-hyun hyung is working hard, and he’s following along better than I expected, so I’m alright.”

 

It was hard to tell if Ha-jun’s calm expression was genuine or if he was putting on an act.

 

Having a friend who was an acting genius could be really inconvenient sometimes. Even though I could usually read my friends’ emotions and moods just by looking at their faces, it was difficult when Ha-jun decided to hide his true feelings.

 

“By the way, why don’t you wear the snapback I got you?”

 

Well, because it’s not my style, kid.

 

But saying that would probably make him cry, so I dodged the question.

 

You don’t want to lose the momentum after all the hard work, right?

 

“How could I use the snapback my little brother got me just to cover up my messy hair?”

 

“Except, you don’t seem to wear it at all, even when your hair isn’t messy.”

 

“Let’s not dig too deep into this, okay? We’ll both just end up exhausted.”

 

I ruffled Ryu Jae-hee’s hair lightly, while Kim Do-bin teased from the side.

 

“Come on, hyung, you can be honest. You don’t like the snapback, do you? I even told our youngest it wasn’t your style, but he liked it so much he bought it anyway.”

 

“Shut it, Do-bin.”

 

As I replied, I slid my hands into my pockets, only to realize that I had left my phone in the practice room.

 

No wonder I felt like I was missing something when I walked out.

 

“Ah, I left my phone behind.”

 

“Want me to text Ye-hyun hyung and ask him to bring it later?”

 

“No, I’ll just go back and get it. You guys head in first.”

 

As a typical 21st-century human being with phone separation anxiety, I immediately turned around and headed back to the practice room.

 

There was no way I could wait for Seo Ye-hyun to come back with it, not knowing when he would finish.

 

When I gently pushed open the practice room door, music leaked out through the small gap.

 

Watching from the doorway, I noticed that Seo Ye-hyun’s movements, once clumsy, had started to resemble something more like actual dance moves.

 

He must have sensed my presence because he suddenly stopped and turned to look at me.

 

“What? Why are you back?”

 

He asked, stopping the music. Without a word, I walked over to where my phone was sitting beside the speaker, picked it up, and waved it.

 

“Came to get this.”

 

I nodded toward the phone and then stopped Seo Ye-hyun just as he was about to hit play again.

 

“Why not call it a day?”

 

Seo Ye-hyun frowned and shook his head stubbornly.

 

“I can’t. I still haven’t perfected the moves. I have to get them down by tonight to start matching the group angles.”

 

“If you push yourself any more, you’re going to hurt yourself. At least take a break.”

 

I plopped down against the mirror and patted the spot next to me.

 

After a moment of hesitation, Seo Ye-hyun reluctantly sat down a little distance away.

 

As the loud music faded away, a heavy silence filled the practice room.

 

It was Seo Ye-hyun who broke the silence first.

 

“Hey.”

 

“What?”

 

“You think I’m pathetic, don’t you?”

 

I suddenly felt a chill run down my spine. Why was he bringing this up now? Was he feeling so down that he was thinking of quitting…?

 

I searched my memory to see if something like this had happened before, but in my previous life, we never even had a chance to practice such intense choreography.

 

So this situation was definitely bad news.

 

No matter how hopeless he was, a four-member lineup was much worse than a five-member one.

 

My spiraling thoughts were interrupted by Seo Ye-hyun’s dry, exhausted voice.

 

“Why did I even become an idol?”

 

“Good question. I’m curious too. There are plenty of paths in the entertainment industry that don’t involve being an idol.”

 

Of course, the fact that he couldn’t act was an issue, but still.

 

Seo Ye-hyun turned to stare at me after my muttering.

 

“I’m not trying to give you a hard time. I’m genuinely curious.”

 

At my words, Seo Ye-hyun hesitated, then let out a long sigh.

 

“I had no future. No talent, average grades, no social skills, no real interests. I chose my college major based on my grades, and it wasn’t fun either.”

 

He spoke with a calm detachment that made me realize I was hearing his true feelings for the first time.

 

Even though we had spent seven years together, I had never shown any interest in this, nor had I heard it before.

 

“But then I got scouted. I knew I had no chance with a major agency, so I just joined. They even promised I’d debut within six months, though that turned out to be a lie.”

 

There was no trace of desperation in Seo Ye-hyun’s reasons for debuting. His indifference didn’t anger me, as my own reasons were similar.

 

“I thought looks were the most important thing, but I was wrong. My only strength turned out to be just a bonus here.”

 

“You’re so focused on your appearance that I assumed you thought it was the most important thing.”

 

“What else do I have? Do-bin handles the dancing, Jae-hee and Ha-jun handle the singing, you cover the rapping and producing… I’m not just lacking; I don’t excel at anything.”

 

Before my regression, during the years of living as a struggling idol, the one who had the hardest time among the five of us was Seo Ye-hyun.

 

Back then, I thought it was absurd.

 

We were four with talent but couldn’t make it, and one who got into the group solely because of his looks.

 

A guy with the second-shortest trainee period and nothing to show for except his face.

 

If anyone had the right to be depressed or exhausted, it should’ve been someone else, not him.

 

I used to think his mental toughness was ridiculously weak, and it annoyed me.

 

When that guy, whom I secretly looked down on, became the reason for our group’s revival… the feelings I had were complicated.

 

I couldn’t fully celebrate it, nor could I genuinely appreciate it.

 

I was stuck in a limbo, trying to enjoy the sudden surge of popularity until I had to confront the fact that I lost the only way I could contribute to the group.

 

All the schedules, interviews, and popularity that suddenly shifted towards you.

 

When I realized that I had fallen to a position lower than the one I had secretly despised.

 

“I told you not to use that kind of language to chip away at people’s self-esteem.”

 

You probably didn’t intend it, but back then, when you proudly and brightly smiled, leading the group’s unexpected resurgence with just your face, you managed to crush my pride and self-esteem.

 

And now, with our path to ruin somewhat blocked, and if there are no unexpected variables, our place in the second tier is pretty much secured.

 

I’ve taken away your chance to fully blossom, haven’t I?

 

Even if you bloom, you’ll never have that dramatic day like before, where your low self-esteem finally fully blossoms, leading the group to recovery.

 

Is this an equivalent exchange, or revenge?

 

“So, answer me. Do you think I’m pathetic too?”

 

I looked at Seo Ye-hyun’s sweat-drenched hair and let out a small laugh.

 

“If I said you’re pathetic, would you quit?”

 

There was no answer. Worried that he might actually consider quitting, I quickly added another comment.

 

“I don’t want to mock your efforts by calling them pathetic.”

 

At least, I was sincere about that.

 

No matter how important results are, and no matter how much my values lean towards outcome over process.

 

No one has the right to ridicule someone else’s efforts.

 

“The real pathetic thing is knowing there’s a clear path to success but choosing to stick to the one that leads to failure just because it’s hard. For example, when you and Kim Do-bin insisted on promoting with ‘My Universe’ instead of ‘One Chance’….”

 

I said it hoping it would hit home.

 

Seo Ye-hyun, who had his face buried in his knees, muttered weakly.

 

“That was… I was just worried I’d hold everyone back. I was scared we’d blow our chance to make it big because of me….”

 

“Guess you got scared too early, huh?”

 

But since I knew how hard he had worked under my guidance, I didn’t say anything more. What could I add about something that’s already passed?

 

“My efforts weren’t the only thing pathetic… my reason for choosing this path is pathetic too, isn’t it….”

 

Hearing his trembling voice, I turned to look at Seo Ye-hyun, still resting my chin on my hand.

 

“For heaven’s sake, why does that matter? If your reason is pathetic, then I’d be the most pathetic guy in the world.”

 

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