Lee-Jae opened her eyes again just as Roderick was nearing the end of one of the diaries. As she rubbed her eyes with a curled fist, he gazed down at her quietly.
“Did you sleep well?”
“You came?”
“I was here earlier. Don’t remember?”
She paused, then nodded. It did feel like she’d seen him in a dreamlike haze—he had come at dawn and gently held her hand.
“Your Majesty, if I oversleep, please wake me.”
“Why would I wake you? Do you know how cute you look when you snore all softly like that?”
“…Did I snore?”
“I was just teasing. You were breathing so softly and prettily, don’t worry about it.”
As soon as she opened her eyes, the King was already joking again. Though she looked exasperated, a small wave of relief washed over her.
Thank goodness I didn’t snore. I’d rather get a nosebleed than snore in front of him. Still not ready for that.
But then, something strange caught her eye. Roderick was leaning back against the bed’s headboard, reading something.
What’s that? As she narrowed her eyes, realization hit her—and she jolted upright in alarm, hand shooting forward.
It was Hailey’s diary.
Roderick didn’t understand why she was reacting this way, but he promptly closed the book with a snap. Reflexively, he lifted it high out of her reach—an impressive show of reflexes. But all Lee-Jae wanted to do was stomp her feet.
“Ugh! Don’t read that. Give it back.”
“Why?”
“Would you like it if someone read your diary without permission?”
A perfectly reasonable point. But Roderick just gave her a puzzled look.
“Then why do you read it?”
An even more reasonable counter.
Of course, Lee-Jae had her own justification. She had to read it to properly live as Hailey Duncan. Still, she didn’t want him reading it—not all of it.
She didn’t want him to see just how miserable Hailey’s life had been. It was better for people to remember someone as warm and wise, not tragic. Like how she was remembered in Lawrence’s memory.
Lee-Jae threw off the covers and launched herself at Roderick. Bracing herself against his shoulder, she reached frantically for the diary.
“Don’t mess around. Hand it over.”
Roderick laughed and held it farther away, even as his other arm wrapped snugly around her waist.
“If you pounce on me like this first thing in the morning, it’s hard not to get excited.”
Lee-Jae flinched, but he simply lifted her and sat her down beside him. She reached out again, and this time, Roderick obediently placed the diary in her palm. It was the final volume—full of entries about wanting to die, not wanting to be beaten by the Duke, and similar grim thoughts.
Not knowing how far he had read, Lee-Jae glanced at him anxiously, but he didn’t react much.
Since the King remained silent, her anger quietly turned to the Duke. What a horrible father, making his daughter fill her diary with things like that. As she cursed him inwardly, a thought occurred to her, and she turned to Roderick.
“Your Majesty, remember when I told you someone tried to assassinate you?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Do you think that came from the Duke’s side?”
Roderick stared at her for a moment. Truthfully, he had wondered the same. But he hadn’t wanted to bring it up with her.
He didn’t want her stepping into danger again. But it felt like she was becoming more determined and involved with each passing day.
He carefully masked his conflicted feelings and answered, “Hard to say. You don’t remember anything else?”
“My memory’s kind of… fragmented.”
Now he finally understood. He nodded slowly.
“So that’s why you keep going through the diary.”
“Yes.”
“Then stop. You’ve been reading them for months and still don’t know? There’s nothing in them.”
She nodded in admiration. To figure that out so quickly… His Majesty really is smart.
“Well, yes, but… there’s something kind of fun about deciphering them like a code…”
A code? Roderick tilted his head slightly.
For a moment, a sharp intuition flickered across his mind too—but before it could settle, Roderick stared straight at her and said,
“Anyway, I don’t want you worrying about it anymore.”
“Worry about what?”
He gestured with a jerk of his chin toward the talismans on the wall.
“That stuff. Don’t do it anymore.”
“I’m fine.”
“Fine? Every word out of your mouth is a lie.”
“I mean it this time.”
That queasy feeling returned to his gut. Roderick sighed deeply, looking up at the ceiling. After calming himself, he turned his gaze back to Lee-Jae.
“Do you even realize how many hours ago the sun rose today?”
“…”
“You say you’re fine? Look in the mirror and then say that.”
Her complexion was still a bit pale. The only reason he hadn’t summoned a physician was because he was certain it wouldn’t help.
“Stop doing this to yourself. If it’s because of me, I’ll sleep elsewhere from now on.”
Lee-Jae hesitated, then lowered her eyes, looking dejected. She clutched at the blanket, let go, then finally spoke.
“I don’t want that.”
“…”
“I want to be with you.”
“…You’re going to drive me mad.”
Roderick was convinced she was doing it on purpose. She knew exactly how powerless he became at that sorrowful expression.
You fool. Don’t you get it yet? I want to be with you more than anyone.
“Then listen to me.”
But Lee-Jae shook her head stubbornly.
“I don’t want to.”
Roderick let out another long sigh and stared into the void.
He couldn’t exactly tie her hands and feet to stop her. What am I supposed to do with her?
It really felt like she was testing the limits of his patience. Still, he tried his best to reason with her calmly.
“I never want to see you wasting away like that again.”
“…”
“Just this once, let me win. I’ll do everything else your way after this. Please.”
“…”
“There hasn’t been any incident in years. And there won’t be in the future.”
But Lee-Jae knew it wasn’t that simple. This year, both the King’s fortune and the nation’s were set to change. If they didn’t get through it safely, Roderick could be in real danger.
She might have been just a lowly shaman, but her perspective was wide enough to see that much.
“I told you, I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.”
“I said look in the mirror before saying that.”
Lee-Jae shot up from the bed and scampered over to the mirror.
Roderick hadn’t expected her to actually go—but he watched her silently, curious how she’d spin it.
Turning her head left and right, checking her reflection from different angles, she finally turned back around.
Blinking innocently, Lee-Jae said,
“I just look pretty. What’s the problem?”
“…Unbelievable.”
This was the same woman who always went on about being cursed and unlucky—and yet she handled this moment with astonishing wit. Roderick, utterly speechless, held his forehead.
Lee-Jae smiled sweetly and returned to the bed, then took his hand.
“Your Majesty.”
“What.”
“You really must like me a lot.”
“Don’t.”
Roderick wanted to cover his ears. He could feel the fox spirit trying to charm him again. Whenever she spoke to him like that, it was only a matter of time before he gave in.
He pulled his hand away and turned his eyes elsewhere, flustered. But Lee-Jae, once she started, wasn’t about to stop.
“Right? You do like me a lot, don’t you?”
“I said stop.”
“Oh? Am I wrong? You don’t like me?”
“Hey.”
“That’s so heartbreaking.”
“…Are you even hearing yourself right now? Didn’t I tell you I can’t live without you?”
Lee-Jae grinned, and Roderick let out a hollow, disbelieving laugh.
But despite the bright smile, increasingly extreme words began to pour from her lips.
“But, Your Majesty. If you really can’t live without me, then please leave me alone. If not, you really might end up a widower.”
“…What?”
“If something does happen, I’d like you to wait at least forty-nine days before remarrying. That number’s kind of important to me.”
Roderick fell silent.
He was trying to process what he had just heard.
Once he realized he hadn’t misheard, his voice dropped, chilling.
“Are you… seriously saying that to your husband? Just because I said you could speak freely, you think it’s okay to say this kind of thing?”
His face was starting to turn frightening—not just from the absurdity of what she’d said, but because the very mention of such a possibility enraged him.
But Lee-Jae, who had deliberately chosen these words, remained unshaken. She was truly sorry—but she continued in an infinitely calm voice.
“Your Majesty, there’s a saying where I come from.”
“…”
“A dam can collapse from just a small hole.”
제궤의혈.
“There’s another. A small spark can burn down a vast field.”
성화요원.
“And one more. Spare a finger, and you lose the whole hand.”
석지실장.
The King was a sharp man. He immediately understood what she meant: that neglecting small things could lead to greater disaster.
And that irritated him—because he got it so easily.
“If what happened last time happens again,” she said, “I won’t just sit by and watch. You won’t understand, but this is my fate. My burden.”
“…”
“Right now, I can still prevent it by just feeling tired. But if I don’t, I might really die when the time comes.”
“…What?”
“So don’t misunderstand. This isn’t for you. I’m doing this for me.”
“…”
“If you truly care about me, then don’t stop me from doing what I need to do.”
Roderick opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to speak.
But in the end, he said nothing.
He couldn’t find the right words.
Suddenly, an old memory surfaced.
It might have been the first time they dined together. She’d brought a letter from her father, the Duke, saying he wanted to send people from her family estate. But she’d insisted on declining—said it wouldn’t look good, not so soon after joining the Royal family.
Back then, he’d felt something off. She wasn’t blaming the Royal family for the refusal—she was taking full responsibility herself. That attitude had unsettled him. He’d even wondered if she was using it to put him in her debt, like someone skilled in court politics, like Duncan.
But now, he realized that wasn’t it at all.
It wasn’t about creating a debt—it was just how she was. She quietly lifted the burdens of others and carried all the responsibility on her own.
You idiot.
How is this for your sake? It’s for mine. Don’t you think I know you by now? Do you really think I’d fall for that line?
A deep surge of resentment flared in his chest.
He wanted to shout at her—How dare you threaten me with your life? He wanted to say—Don’t weaponize my love for you. Don’t turn the fact that I can’t live without you into something you use against me.
But his wife was just too smart, too wise.
And her threat had worked.
Roderick couldn’t even get angry. He couldn’t plead with her anymore.
All he could do was look at her, helplessly.
From his blue eyes, longing and resentment dripped—heavy and unstoppable.
She spoke calmly, but in truth, Lee-Jae’s heart ached. She knew all too well how deeply he worried about her. And because she hadn’t wanted to go this far either, she felt all the more sorry.
She reached out and took his hand, holding it tightly.
Roderick stared down at the small hand wrapped around his.
A thousand emotions swirled in his blue eyes.
It was a long while before the King finally spoke.
“I really wish I could lock you away somewhere.”
“…”
“Tie you up, hands and feet.”
“…”
“I hate you.”
Lee-Jae smiled faintly at those words.
She thought she understood why he said he hated her.
The reason was probably…
“I hate you for knowing exactly how I feel, and still saying such cruel things.”
“…”
“I hate that you use my feelings to silence me.”
Unable to hold back the grief and storm inside him, Roderick pulled her into his arms.
“Lee-Jae, I truly love you. Don’t ever say something like dying in front of me again.”
“…Okay. I’m sorry.”
“If you really care about me, promise you’ll never do anything dangerous.”
Lee-Jae nodded.
She had succeeded in convincing her husband, but not a hint of joy remained in her heart.
Oh God… They say sorrow, when shared, is halved—
But isn’t it just that now there are two people who are sad?
Her heart ached so badly she thought she might cry.
But if she did, this big man would only grow sadder—
So instead, she forced a smile.
And as if to comfort him, gently stroked his back.
