Chapter 9
Why is he so angry?
I couldn’t understand. None of it made sense.
But Jin Eun-sol didn’t stop.
“You walk around with charcoal on your cheek like an idiot,” he snapped.
I lifted my hand, wiping my cheek, but there was nothing there.
“It’s dirty.”
The way he said it—like he truly believed it—cut deeper than I expected.
He looked at me like I was filthy just for standing near someone else.
But I haven’t done anything.
Still, injustice bubbled inside me, rising quickly. And then he said it—his voice cold and final, like hammering a nail into my chest.
“Don’t do anything dirty again.”
I stared at him.
What he meant was obvious.
Don’t talk to anyone.
Don’t exist outside of him.
It was absurd. But before I could even say a word, his hand lifted again.
And then—
Crack.
Pain bloomed across my face. My head whipped to the side. My body crashed to the floor.
It burned. Tears welled up, but I didn’t cry.
It had been a long time since I’d been hit.
And it hurt. Badly.
But the pain in my chest—the hatred I felt towards Jin Eun-sol—was even worse.
* * *
He was sleeping peacefully after whatever bullshit that he’d done.
When his parents (specifically his mother) later asked me about what had happened, I lied for him.
I said what the boy said was true.
I protected him.
And I hated myself for it.
I felt filthy. My skin crawled with self-loathing.
I wanted to scream. To shake him.
To stop him from breathing.
But reality doesn’t allow things like that.
Reality is just one long, bitter slap.
That night, in the dark, Jin Eun-sol came into my room again.
He picked up the phone he’d left on the nightstand, glanced at it, and then—
He lay down beside me.
So close our backs were touching.
So close I wanted to vomit.
My stomach twisted. My skin recoiled.
I wanted to shove him away, to scream at him and say, Get out!
But I didn’t.
“…Sister.”
He whispered it behind me.
“Sister.”
Again and again.
He said it like it meant something. Like it could fix something.
And I—
I couldn’t do anything.
Thump. Thump.
The sound of fingernails gnawing against teeth.
Every time I turned towards the sound, it was him.
Jin Eun-sol.
I don’t remember when it started, but somewhere along the way, he began biting his nails. Constantly. Anxiously. Obsessively.
He used to be irritated by everything during this vacation. But now?
Now he looked like a child fraying at the edges.
And watching him gnaw his fingers down made something in me unravel too.
He was sucking his thumb—just like a newborn.
It hadn’t even been a week since he’d torn it apart last time, until it bled.
“Stop…”
I couldn’t watch anymore. My voice came out low, tired.
Jin Eun-sol’s sharp gaze immediately locked on me.
He frowned, long and hard, as if he didn’t understand. Like a worm writhing on hot asphalt, unsure about why it’s burning.
“I mean… your hands.”
He stared for a while, uncomprehending, then finally looked down at them. At his thumb.
It was as if he hadn’t realized what he was doing.
Then, slowly, he lowered the hand he’d been gnawing on.
I saw it—his lip was bleeding. Blood dripped from his thumb.
Seriously… why?
I stood up from the couch, keeping deliberate distance between us, my face was tight with discomfort.
“Where are you going?”
His voice followed me, thin and flat.
That sound—God, that sound. I was so sick of it I thought I’d develop a neurosis.
Swallowing my revulsion, I pointed to his hand.
“You’re bleeding.”
Jin Eun-sol looked down at his thumb.
He didn’t say anything.
I let out a silent sigh and walked towards the first aid kit.
It was so hot. It felt like one of his screws had finally come loose.
I gave him a sideways glance—something like contempt flickering in it—and turned away.
But then I stopped.
He passed by me quickly.
For a second, I thought—maybe—he’d come to his senses.
But then I saw it.
He was smiling.
Smiling at his bleeding thumb.
Why are you smiling?
A chill slid down my spine. I bolted for the first aid kit.
Are you crazy?
I could feel his eyes boring into my back. I curled my fingers into a fist, hiding my own thumb in my palm.
* * *
Summer vacation ended quickly.
The air was thick, humid—heavy enough to crush your lungs if you breathed too deep.
Once break ended, the rainy season would begin. The river would swell.
And this mansion’s peak season would be over.
This vacation was… strange.
I sat above the cliff, watching the stream snake below.
I can’t say exactly why it was strange. But still it was.
I still don’t understand why Jin Eun-sol threw his hand into burning charcoal and hurled it at the boy.
Or why he said I was “dirty” just for being near him.
Why is everything about me dirty?
And then there was that boy.
That stupid dimple. That pretty stone smile. That ridiculous kindness.
I hugged my knees tightly.
He was strange, too.
Resting my cheek on my knee, I let my hair fall over my face. It shielded the spot where Jin Eun-sol had slapped me.
It didn’t hurt anymore.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
Because it was a valley tucked into the side of a mountain, the sound of insects was immediate—chirping, buzzing, ever-present.
Now and then, I heard blades of grass rustling in the wind.
Then, mingled with the noise, came voices. Distant, but familiar.
They were coming from our mansion.
They must be looking for me.
I guess I should go back.
I stood up and brushed the dust off my jeans.
This would probably be the last time I come here.
I wasn’t completely sure, but I had a feeling this place wouldn’t be our summer getaway anymore.
Jin Eun-sol’s parents adored him. They always accepted whatever he said.
And Jin Eun-sol… he wouldn’t want to come back here. Not after what happened.
Not after how he came back this time, strange and brittle and full of rage.
Every time I set foot here, I remember him. That moment.
Not Jin Eun-sol. Not our usual boredom.
I think he remembers it too.
I had to go.
