Chapter 2
The first words were the hardest to say—but after that, it became effortless.
I felt a surge of resentment—why hadn’t I done this sooner?
“Just think about it. What exactly did I do wrong?”
[Live Chat]
“She’s really lost it.”
“Damn… Now I just feel sorry for her.”
“But seriously, what did she even do wrong?”
“You didn’t know about the other members’ scandals? You should’ve stopped them. How can you act so shameless? What exactly did you do right? Unbelievable. She’s decided to go full defiance mode.”
“You should’ve stopped them.”
“You lived and worked together—how could you not have known?”
Those words had hurt me the most.
“How was I supposed to stop them? What could I have even done?”
“If I’d known about the school violence, I would’ve stopped him from debuting in the first place. Even the company didn’t know—how could I? At least to me, he was always kind.”
Suhyeol, our leader, had been someone who genuinely cared for the members.
Throughout our trainee years, he’d been a pillar of support—not just for me, but for everyone.
Who could’ve imagined someone like that had a history of school violence?
“He took care of everything—cleaning, laundry, the hard chores. Whenever I was struggling, he was the first to comfort me. When I made it into the debut lineup before him, he celebrated by buying me cake even though he was broke. How was I supposed to know?”
“Guess he was only nice to his own people.”
“Well, villains can be kind to some.”
“Fine, let’s say that’s true. But what about the dating scandal? No way she didn’t know. If they were living together, how could she not notice?”
“Dating? They were head over heels for each other—what was I supposed to say? ‘Be careful.’ ‘Don’t meet up.’ That’s all I could do. How could I force them to break up? Who am I to say, ‘Sacrifice your relationship for the team’? That’s the company’s job. Before we were coworkers, we were friends. I had no right to interfere in their personal lives.”
“Honestly, dating isn’t something Yoonseul could’ve controlled.”
“True. Fair point.”
“Then what about the youngest? That’s something she should’ve stopped.”
“LOL okay, let’s see how she spins this one.”
“Hey. Turn off the live.”
Staff scrambled to cut the broadcast.
“Didn’t you hear me? End it now!”
“Wait, why are they cutting it?”
“Don’t turn it off!”
“I still have questions!”
“This is getting juicy. Yoonseul’s actually handling this well—being upfront is better than hiding things.”
“Turning it off won’t help. I’ll just start another one and say everything. I mean it.”
My firm tone made the staff member freeze mid-action.
“You don’t even know what I’ll say next. Isn’t it better to just watch?”
“Yoonseul’s dead serious.”
“She’s got murder in her eyes…”
“No way they’re stopping her now.”
“Does this mean she has dirt on the company too?”
The live continued.
“We were talking about the youngest, right? That I should’ve stopped him? I did. Do you really think I just watched? I cracked down on his late-night outings. Of course I’d be worried—we went from four members to two. I didn’t want to be left alone.”
The manager glared like he wanted to kill me, but I didn’t care.
“Because of the others, I wasn’t even allowed to go to the grocery store alone. We couldn’t leave without a road manager. There was even a tracking app on my phone.”
To prove it, I pulled out my phone and showed the app on screen.
“Holy shit, it’s real.”
“The company made them install that?”
“How did a minor still manage to drink and do drugs under this surveillance?”
“But the fact that the company had to go this far is wild.”
“If the company couldn’t stop him, how could I?”
My voice wavered with emotion.
“That day, he said he was going to a relative’s 60th birthday party. He even wore a suit—how was I supposed to suspect anything?”
“She must’ve been so frustrated.”
“She came here ready to expose everything.”
“Listening to this, she’s the real victim. The others left and are living fine, but she’s been taking all the hate. She’s basically a scapegoat.”
The public opinion shifted unnervingly fast.
Of course, I knew this wasn’t the full picture. But for now, the fact that even just the live viewers were seeing the truth meant everything.
“If I’d spoken up sooner… I wouldn’t have had to suffer all this hatred. Why did I—?”
The injustice of it all welled up inside me.
“So no, I won’t apologize. If I do, it means admitting I did something wrong.”
That’s what an apology is.
It’s asking for forgiveness for your mistakes.
But apologizing would mean accepting blame—when I’d done nothing wrong.
“Because of this one apology broadcast, everything I worked for—no, my entire existence—was erased.”
“I did nothing wrong. I’ve never even had a girlfriend. I don’t drink—I don’t even drink coffee because it’s bitter, so why would I touch alcohol? I’ve never been involved in school violence. Call my schools—ask them what kind of student Seo Yoonseul was.”
A strange lightness filled me—maybe because it felt like my suffering was finally ending.
“No. Don’t cry now.”
I bit my lip, but it was too late. Tears had already pooled and spilled down my cheeks. I hastily wiped them with my sleeve.
“She must’ve been through hell.”
“She’s the real victim here.”
“What was the company thinking, making her apologize? I don’t get it.”
The chat’s tone had completely changed.
“Yoonseul, we support you.”
“Stay strong. You really sound innocent.”
“You’ve been through so much. We’re sorry.”
For four years since debut, every word directed at me had been icy. Even if this was a dream, the warmth in those messages was comforting.
“Maybe this dream is a gift for everything I’ve endured.”
“I’ve said what I needed to. Feels better. I’ll end the live now. Thank you for listening.”
The broadcast ended.
“Are you out of your mind?!”
The manager roared like he’d been holding back the entire time.
“Yes. How could I be sane after all this?”
“You’re begging to get kicked out, huh? You think anyone will take you after this? The industry’s full of nobodies like you.”
His gaslighting was tiresome.
“Then do me a favor and kick me out.”
He had no response—because firing an artist wasn’t his call.
“Maybe getting kicked out would’ve been happier. I might never be an idol again… but staying here wasn’t making my dreams come true either.”
Then—the manager shoved me hard.
I lost my balance and crashed to the floor.
The impact silenced the room.
“Ah—”
Pain shot through my shoulder and hip, leaving me momentarily stunned.
“Wait. Why does this hurt?”
If this were a dream, I shouldn’t feel pain. But the throbbing was unmistakable.
“Not getting up? People will think I punched you.”
The manager sneered.
“I said, get up!”
His yelling made the atmosphere even more toxic.
Staff members glanced between us nervously.
But none of that mattered—not the manager, not the staff, not even the pain.
“If this isn’t a dream… what is it? Did I somehow go back in time? In stories, people get hit by trucks or receive mysterious objects, but I didn’t have any of that.”
Last night, I’d gone to sleep at the dorm like any other day.
That was it.
“Have I lost my mind?”
Life had been hard enough that I’d occasionally fantasized about this.
How nice it would be to turn back time like protagonists in novels.
Knowing the future, I’d never repeat the same mistakes.
“Maybe I should’ve accepted when Mom and Noona suggested therapy.”
“Yoonseul, are you okay?”
The stylist helped me up.
“She’s faking it. I barely pushed her.”
The manager scoffed.
“The CEO wants to see you. Cool off for now.”
“You think the CEO’s on your side?”
He stormed out, stomping like a tantrum-throwing child.
“Yoonseul, go to the CEO’s office.”
“Okay.”
Dazed, I headed there.
“Am I really crazy?”
To test it, I slapped my own face.
“Ow.”
The sting was real.
“I’ve lost it. Completely.”
But there’d been no trigger—no breakdown, no hallucination-inducing trauma.
“Did I really regress? If so… I never want to relive that past.”
