Chapter 08
“Miss, are you sure you don’t want to seek treatment?”
Last night, I had another nightmare that made me scream and wake up in terror, followed by dry heaving until morning.
Rosie, who came to assist me in the morning, looked nearly as exhausted as I did after seeing my pale, crumpled face.
“I’m fine. Please keep it a secret.”
“You can’t hide it forever, you know.”
I tried to keep my condition hidden from Father and my brother.
While they knew I had nightmares and occasional headaches, they didn’t know how serious it really was.
“There’s no need to tell them. It’ll only make them worry.”
“You still don’t remember what your nightmares are about?”
“I saw something, but I can’t recall it clearly.”
“What did you see? Try to remember.”
I strained to recall what I had seen in my dreams—but nothing came to mind.
“Ah…”
My head started to throb with pain. All that lingered in my mind were the endless screams echoing through my head.
They would grow louder, like someone shouting right next to my ear, then fade as if carried off by the wind. I opened my eyes to see Rosie’s anxious face hovering above me.
“Miss?”
“I-I’m fine.”
“Oh, right. Miss Amelia sent you a letter.”
I quickly took the letter and opened it to read the contents. I hadn’t seen Amelia for months, ever since Sienna arrived and everything became chaotic.
“You must really like Miss Amelia.”
Rosie pouted, her lips forming a jealous pout.
Orphaned at the age of ten, Rosie had been working as a maid in the count’s household since. I had always felt sorry for her and cared for her like a younger sister.
That’s probably why she would sometimes get jealous of my bond with Amelia.
“Amelia’s a friend. And you’re like a little sister to me.”
Even though it had been five years since Rosie came to the estate, she was still only fifteen—a child.
Amelia, on the other hand, was my age and someone I’d known for a decade.
[Selena, I can’t even tell you how shocked I was by the news you sent. You’re not Selena Estarion? I couldn’t understand what you meant and had to read the letter three times.
You may not look much like Zion, but your personalities and actions are almost identical. Blood isn’t the only thing that makes a family. So please, don’t blame yourself.
And even if you’re not their real daughter, you’re still my friend—Selena Estarion. Got that?]
Amelia, who knew me so well, immediately sensed that I was blaming myself.
She advised me to take better care of myself, to love myself more, and then went on to tell her own story.
Apparently, while we hadn’t written to each other for a few months, she’d also gone through quite a bit—her father’s mistress appearing with an illegitimate child, and her mother beginning to have affairs out of spite.
We were close enough to share stories we couldn’t tell others. We trusted each other deeply and shared even the smallest details.
‘I’m so grateful for Amelia.’
With my weak body, I didn’t have many people I could call a friend. Amelia was irreplaceable.
Even if Sienna was the real daughter, nothing would change between Amelia and me. Friendship isn’t something blood can replace.
Recently, Amelia felt even more precious to me.
I brought out paper and dipped my quill in ink—it was time to write her back.
[Amelia, how have you been? I miss chatting with you so much. You probably have no idea how much I’ve missed you.
…(omitted)…
Lately, the nightmares have gotten worse. Someone keeps appearing in my dreams. I haven’t told anyone, but… to confess, I think the screams I hear in the dream might be mine.
Actually, there’s a memory I’ve never told anyone. The truth is…]
My hand holding the quill suddenly stopped.
There was a very old and faint memory—one I had never told anyone.
As a child, I had been too terrified to speak of it, and when I grew older, I wasn’t even sure if it was real, so I kept it buried.
Knock, knock.
Startled by the knock, I accidentally spilled the inkwell.
“Ah… you can come in.”
As I hurried to clean the spilled ink, my brother entered the room.
“Selena. Do you have a moment?”
“Ah, yes. Just a second, I spilled the ink…”
“Why are you cleaning it up? Where’s Rosie?”
“She probably went to do the laundry.”
While I was wiping the ink from the floor, my brother stepped closer.
When I looked up, he was staring at the unfinished letter.
“I was writing to Amelia.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to read it, I just noticed it was quite long… But I feel a little hurt seeing that you’ve got memories you haven’t told me about.”
“It’s nothing, really.”
“What kind of memory is it?”
His sharp gaze pierced through me. My eyelids trembled.
From his perspective, as family, it must’ve been upsetting to know there was something I had kept hidden.
After all the worry and care he had shown me, finding out I had secrets must have hurt.
“…That I had to run away.”
He furrowed his brows, not understanding.
“My first memory is of running barefoot down the street. At the time, I thought, ‘Just run, like that girl said.’ But the memory is so blurry, I wasn’t sure if it was real or a dream, so I never told anyone.”
If it wasn’t a dream, then who was “that girl”?
“When I was rescued, everything was chaotic and unfamiliar. I was so scared and confused that I forgot everything.”
My first memory at the age of ten was of desperately running barefoot.
“Just run, like that girl said.”
That was all I could think about as I ran like mad. Then I was rescued by the Estarion family’s soldiers and brought to the mansion.
At the time, I had lost my mind—half-crazed. I didn’t even know my name and remembered nothing.
I didn’t know why I was running or what had happened before. All I had left was fear.
‘Selena. I’m your father. Father!’
Who was this unfamiliar man calling me Selena? I had to run away—but from what? Was a monster chasing me?
I cried nonstop, gripped by fear born of missing memories.
I cried until I fell asleep, only to wake from nightmares again and cry some more.
My real memories only began when I was about twelve, a while after arriving at the Estarion household. Before that, I remembered nothing.
My brother’s face turned grave as I told him this. Embarrassed, I lowered my head.
After a long pause, he spoke again.
“Selena. Do you really remember nothing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing at all?”
“Nothing.”
“But the maids said you might be remembering something.”
“What do you mean?”
“Inette.”
“Inette?”
When he mentioned that name, I couldn’t understand at first—until something clicked in my mind.
Inette!
A few days ago, Sienna had seen my back and called out that name, mistaking me for someone else.
Even though our outfits were different, she had confused me with someone.
What confused me even more was that I instinctively turned around when she called that name.
‘Yes?’
‘Oh, sorry. You’re Selena. I mistook you for someone I used to know.’
Sienna had smiled brightly. That was the end of it.
“I heard you responded to the name Inette. Are you sure you don’t remember anything?”
“It was Sienna’s voice, so I probably reacted without thinking. It would be a lie to say the name isn’t familiar—but Inette is such a common name.”
My brother didn’t trust me. He was suspicious.
I struggled to suppress my emotions. I didn’t want to trouble him, especially now that Sienna had returned.
“Putting that aside…”
Putting that aside? I wanted to object, but he continued.
“Selena. Why don’t you try opening up to Sienna? Lately, you don’t seem like the Selena I know.”
His voice was sharp, his tone cold. He wasn’t the brother I remembered.
“What… do you mean?”
“I heard you pushed Sienna down the stairs.”
“Pushed her? I never did that! Who made up such nonsense?!”
“I know you’ve been subtly tormenting her.”
“No! I swear I didn’t!”
“Selena, don’t pretend. I understand that you’re anxious now that Sienna is back, but pushing someone down the stairs is dangerous.”
“No! I didn’t do it!”
“Selena! Stop lying!”
I was so angry it felt unbearable. The idea that I would push Sienna—it was absurd.
My body trembled and my voice rose.
“Did you see me do it? Or did someone else? How can you say I pushed her when it didn’t happen?!”
How could he suspect me?
I’d done everything I could for Sienna. Where did these ridiculous accusations come from?
“Did Sienna say that?”
“I’m disappointed in you, Selena. Instead of reflecting, you’re attacking her. Shame on you!”
“Brother!”
I cried out involuntarily. Furious, I raised my voice.
“Sienna is twisting my kindness. You can’t trust her words!”
His face darkened with disappointment. He didn’t believe me. No—he had already made up his mind.
He thought I was bullying Sienna. That I pushed her down the stairs.
“I’m disappointed, Selena. If you had confessed and repented, I would’ve handled this quietly. But now, I have no choice. This will go to Father.”
“Please listen to me—brother—!”
“I don’t want to hear it! Stay in your room and reflect on what you’ve done!”
He turned and stormed out, leaving me in silence.
Though we weren’t blood-related, I had thought of us as close siblings—like me and Amelia.
I thought he’d believe in me. But it seemed that blood ties couldn’t be overcome by time.
‘That means… I’m alone in this house.’
The only one without Estarion blood. An impostor who lived in the place of the real daughter.
A broken thing with fragmented memories. That was me.
“Sigh…”
Tears of sorrow welled up.
But this was just the beginning.
One week later, I would be accused of pretending to be Selena on purpose, and of pushing Sienna down the stairs…
