Chapter 50
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m being mean to Thierry when I talk to him. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t shake the feeling, and it left me with a sour taste in my mouth after every conversation.
There was nothing pretentious about Thierry, not even a hint of someone who was just being nice to take advantage of me. Am I exaggerating too much? His concern and kindness was weighing heavily on my mind, adding to my confusion.
“Ugh… I don’t know. This isn’t the time for me to care about anyone…”
I slowly closed and opened my eyes, trying to think of something else as quickly as I could, realizing that I’d be digging myself into an endless hole.
“Oh, speaking of which, I also need to talk to Maud, but how do I find her, and it’s probably not a good idea to visit her too often.”
She grunted and drew her brows together. There was a lot to talk about, and I wanted them to talk to each other in private, but it was too much for me to ask for as I was making a living as a snowflake.
Perhaps this was not something I could do alone, and I should involve Marie, even if it was dangerous.
“Princess, may I help you take off your dress?”
Marie appeared, too scary to think about. She was ready for my bath, and as she approached me, she held my robe in one arm.
“… Marie.”
“Yes?”
Marie’s head tilted as she looked at me for a moment, speechless.
I knew she meant me no harm now, but it was hard to open my mouth to speak; I was only trying to get her to help me get to Maud, but given how she’d thought us strange the other day, I was afraid we might have gotten the wrong idea from seeing each other so often.
“Princess, please be at ease, my life is already yours.”
“Ah…”
“I didn’t just say that, I meant it, I’ll be loyal to you no matter what.”
Marie’s eyes shone with determination as she realized what was troubling me. The walls I’d been trying to erect around my heart gradually began to crumble, as if I were telling her the truth.
I’m the only one who’s regretted it now, and I’m the only one who’s lost. Okay, let’s just say it. Marie will believe me.
“Thank you. Then I have a favor to ask you that you won’t refuse.”
“Yes, please tell me.”
“I want to sneak out with Maud.”
“By Maud, you mean the sous chef you sometimes see?”
“That’s right.”
“Well… Sir Oscar will follow me as soon as I step outside, so we’ll have to make an appointment somewhere he can’t get in.”
Marie complied immediately and didn’t ask any other questions, only seriously thinking about how to accomplish what I wanted.
I stared into Marie’s yellow-green eyes, which were as soothing as a tranquil forest, before I spoke up.
“Why don’t you have him stay in your room while you are away? I have to work in the afternoons, and I don’t want him to sleep here at night.”
“Wouldn’t that be a bit difficult? I think it’s too dangerous with the Emperor visiting.”
“What? His Majesty only visits occasionally, and he hasn’t been here in the middle of the night lately, has he?”
“What? His Majesty has been coming every day these days?”
I was momentarily speechless, not expecting this at all. I sucked in a short breath, opened my mouth blankly, and squeezed it shut.
“He came to… Every day? What does that mean?”
Marie looked at me in surprise as I stammered out the words with increasing urgency.
“Oh, didn’t you know? I sometimes thought it was an extension of what you two were talking about at night, and it wasn’t something I should be asking about, so I kept quiet…”
“That can’t be!”
“No, I know, but I was a little puzzled when I noticed that His Majesty always came back late in the morning to make sure you were asleep, and sometimes he’d stay until I got to work.”
“What, you’re telling me he spent the night in my room? In bed with me?”
I exclaimed, hugging myself with both arms, and Marie waved her hands in the air.
“Oh, I’m sure he was just watching, and from what I hear, His Majesty has been suffering from insomnia for a long time, so it’s quite possible he was literally up all night.”
Oh, did I overreact a bit. I lowered my arms with a somewhat sheepish expression and muttered in disbelief.
“He… has insomnia?”
“Yes. Actually, I’m not supposed to comment on the well-being of the royal family, but with so many people witnessing him lying awake in the wee hours of the morning, rumors are bound to get around.”
Thierry has insomnia? Since when?
The closer I got to him, the more different he looked, despite the vicious rumors. I brought up Maud because I didn’t want to think about Thierry, but here we go again.
I don’t know if it’s because of the ambiguity of our relationship, or if it’s because I don’t want to think about Thierry, but here we are again.
‘If you can’t sleep, you should stay in your room, why are you coming to my room…’
Field exhaled. All the emotions I had been suppressing burst out and turned into a huge whirlpool, making me feel very sad.
There was no way to hide it anymore, I just felt sorry for Thierry, for a man who had accomplished so much and still couldn’t rest easy, and the memory of the sweet child who had clutched my hand to sleep when he was a little boy stuck deep in my heart, unable to be shaken anymore.
“I don’t know what to do.”
I suddenly remembered Thierry’s words.
‘I know… What are we supposed to do?’
We’re in trouble. The more I think about Thierry, the more I feel lost.
***
The next day, as I walked into my room with the wash water, the first thing I asked Marie was.
“Did he come yesterday by any chance?”
I thought about waiting until dawn, but after a long day of tiring work, I couldn’t stand it and went to bed. So when I woke up, I immediately asked if Thierry had come to my room yesterday, but Marie answered calmly, as if she was expecting it.
“Yes. His Majesty came to your room as soon as I got to work at dawn, and I saw him leaving your room.”
He really does come every day. No matter how healthy he is, if he’s like this every day, he might collapse at any moment.
I narrowed my eyes and let out a worried sigh.
What am I going to do… Should I keep pretending I don’t know this?
Isn’t it a bit much for him to be so sleep deprived and still not have a single eye shadow? Oh, is it because he’s buried by his looks?
I tried to picture Thierry’s face again, but all I could think of was his handsome face.
Or is it a difference in attention…
“Princess, would you like me to bring your meal to your room?”
“Yes, please.”
I dutifully finished getting ready, my mind constantly thinking of Thierry. I changed into an easy green dress and walked toward the table, worrying again about Thierry’s health.
… Smart.
But as if on cue, there was a knock on the door, like a knock on a mental wall.
“Princess, can I come in?”
Marie was about to leave the room when she heard Thierry’s voice, and her eyes widened. I knew he was an insomniac, but that didn’t stop me and Marie from being surprised that he hadn’t slept a wink and then come back to the door as if nothing had happened.
“You’d better bring… tea.”
“Yes, I’ll have it ready in a minute.”
But we can’t keep him outside forever, I realized, and I calmly ordered Marie. Marie bowed her head once and immediately opened the door to let Thierry in.
Thierry was as handsome as ever. The long beams of sunlight illuminated his sideburns, but I found myself studying his face more closely than usual.
There was a tiredness to him that I hadn’t noticed before. I realized that his crankiness and languorousness might have come from that tiredness.
‘Why can’t you sleep.’
I was more curious about his insomnia than his pre-dawn visit to my room.
I felt a little unnecessarily agitated. Normally, I would have asked him what was wrong, but my mouth didn’t open, so I just stiffly greeted him.
“Am I interrupting your rest?”
“… No, come on in.”
Thierry asked cautiously, looking me over. Normally I wouldn’t have noticed his discomfort, but today I could see it clearly in his expression, so I answered a beat late and turned toward the table by the window.
“Have you eaten?”
“Not yet, Your Majesty.”
“Huh?”
Thierry blinked a couple of times, as if he didn’t know I was going to repeat myself. He hesitated for a moment, then blurted out.
“… I’m not yet.”
Suddenly, he had a smile on his lips. It wasn’t his usual crooked smile, but a genuine one that made him look like he was in a good mood, and I felt my heart melt again.
I wondered if I had been too harsh to him, asking if he had eaten.
I’m the one who’s been living on rice snacks.
“Well, should I tell them to prepare a meal?”
“Wait.”
Thierry reacted quickly to my impatience to leave the room.
