TISND Chapter 147

Chapter 147

“I’m not going back.”

No one had expected those words. Even Jane, who had been the closest to Helena, had not foreseen them.

From the beginning, things had been strained between them. But Jane had believed that the tangled threads could be unraveled. She had assumed that, deep down, Helena also longed to return to the past. But now—she was saying she wouldn’t go back?

“Why… why aren’t you going back?”

The first to speak was Joshua. He was already on the verge of tears, clearly shaken by the revelation.

“Is it because of us? Are you not returning to Frantor because of us? Is there something wrong in Frantor? If there is, please tell me! I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it. So, please….”

“No, no, Joshua.”

Helena replied in a calm voice. It meant that she had already sorted out her feelings.

Was she really okay with parting ways with us like this? Even though it had been a short time, I thought we had shared moments of happiness. Had she been disappointed in us? I had never imagined a future without Helena—but had she?

“You’re misunderstanding.”

But even that was a misunderstanding. She was trying her best to sound composed, but it wasn’t easy. Every word she spoke felt like it was tearing her apart. Seeing the sorrow in the child’s eyes, and the way Caligo looked at her, made her insides feel like they were being crushed.

In truth, she had wanted to say it. That she would go back. That the time spent with them had been the happiest of her life.

But she couldn’t.

She had to stay.

“I like Horion.”

“…Helena.”

“I always said it was my dream to see the ocean. And, well… I don’t like crowded places because of my condition.”

So I won’t be going back.

At times like this, she felt oddly grateful for being of Eskel’s bloodline—because lying came so easily.

“Don’t stay in Horion for too long. If the knights linger around here, people will start getting suspicious.”

“Is that really all there is to it?”

Joshua asked.

“It’s not because we disappointed you… or because of some other reason?”

But when he looked at her, as if seeing straight through her, the lies that had flowed so effortlessly suddenly came to a halt.

Just moments ago, she had been able to lie so smoothly. But now—it was as if someone had seized her mouth shut.

If she said she hadn’t been disappointed, it would be a lie.

Her time in the mansion had been full of happiness, but that didn’t mean she had never been hurt.

By Jeremy.

And by Caligo.

Without thinking, she lifted her head—and met his gaze directly.

She had known he had been watching her this whole time. But she had deliberately avoided meeting his eyes, unable to bear it.

But now, she didn’t look away.

Even now, looking at Caligo brought back painful memories. But she didn’t want to simply hate or fear him. Once upon a time, she had been happy.

If this was going to be the end, she only wanted to keep the good memories.

She was exhausted.

That was what she had thought when Jane sacrificed herself in her place. From now on, she would never let people get close to her again. The name ‘Eskel’ would cling to her until the day she died. That was inevitable. And for that reason, she didn’t want to burden Caligo or the children with her disgrace.

“…No.”

Besides, she was going to die anyway.

What did honor and title matter to someone who was already doomed?

Even if she returned to the capital, she wouldn’t be able to move properly. She would only become a nuisance to the duchy’s people.

Asehimmo was a poison with no antidote.

In the end, no one would find a cure, and they would all be left in despair. They would suffer as they watched over a bedridden patient, unable to do anything. And in the end, she would die.

The kind-hearted children would grieve.

They might even feel guilty.

She couldn’t let that happen.

Caligo and the children had bright futures ahead of them. But she—she would be nothing more than a jagged stone in their path.

Helena wanted to remain a good memory for the children until the very end. She didn’t want to become someone they remembered with sorrow and guilt.

“It’s not for that reason.”

So, she masked everything with a smile.

Thankfully, Joshua’s expression brightened, though Caligo’s remained unchanged.

Maybe… he had already guessed what she was thinking.

But she didn’t want Joshua to know.

There was no reason for Joshua and Jeremy to understand the pathetic reality of an adult like her.

She just wanted the children to be happy, eating sweet strawberries without a care in the world.

“What made you think that?”

“Is it really not true?”

“It’s not, I told you. I thought only Jeremy had an overactive imagination, but it turns out you do too!”

Helena laughed.

Or rather, she forced herself to.

“How could I possibly hate you? Who wouldn’t like a kind gentleman like you?”

In the end, they would leave.

They would return to the capital, send a few letters, and visit Horion a couple of times.

But Caligo and the children had their own lives to live.

The letters they exchanged daily would slowly dwindle. And one day, they would stop altogether.

Eventually, there would be days when they wouldn’t even think of her.

By then, she would probably be long gone from this world.

At first, they would be sad when they heard the news of her passing.

And then, they would forget.

They would grow older, meet new people, and their memories of her would fade into a distant blur.

Their childhood memories, their time together—everything would be forgotten.

She knew that was better for them.

And yet, her heart refused to accept it.

When she disappeared from this world, would she also vanish from their memories?

Would there be no one left to remember her name?

“…That won’t happen.”

Thankfully, Joshua seemed to accept her words.

“But still, I don’t want to say goodbye after finally meeting you, Helena! Jeremy isn’t even here yet. If I leave after having you all to myself, Jeremy will be furious!

…Though, if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind keeping you all to myself.”

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