A voice that seemed young yet bore deep traces of harsh times murmured weakly.
“If you had intended to arrest me, you would have done so—you’re not the type to bother with tedious mind games…”
Peon squeezed his eyes shut.
“You didn’t even come into my room and hated facing me, so you wouldn’t do such childish things…”
His head dropped involuntarily.
“That’s enough then.”
Kaela said just that and closed her mouth. There was no use in digging up unpleasant memories and getting angry. Only she would burst with anger, and Peon wouldn’t understand. He might look at her as if she were crazy.
“I think the ring was stolen by the head maid. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t take action then, when it was just a suspicion.”
But Peon kept apologizing without lifting his head. While apologizing, he didn’t end it there.
“I found the ring. I found it and returned it to your vanity table.”
Perhaps Kaela’s heart would cool down in the most unexpected way. It might be cut off by memories she never anticipated.
Wouldn’t she find it detestable that he returned it? It sounded like an excuse that made him seem complicit. Wouldn’t she be put off? Wouldn’t she reject him once more here?
“Where was it?”
After struggling with how to phrase his words, Peon decided to just speak honestly. That was always better.
“From a knight and a maid who were lovers, planning to profit by claiming it was a magic tool.”
Only then did Kaela’s indifferent eyes turn to him.
“Did you lecture them well, told them not to do it again, and then forgive them?”
The eyes that let Peon breathe sometimes mercilessly choked him. It was something he had to endure to stay by Kaela’s side.
“I cut off the maid’s hand and expelled her, and stripped the knight of his position and sent him to Fueten Fortress as a common soldier.”
No matter how despised the Grand Duchess was, there was no reason to let those who dared touch their master’s belongings go unpunished. Peon handled it strictly according to the law.
But he handled it quietly enough that the Grand Duchess wouldn’t know. Kaela had no way of knowing since no one would tell her anyway.
“So that’s why the head maid tormented me even more after that day. Your thoughts were right. I thought it was the head maid too.”
Peon had nothing more to say. Even the gift was not just shabby but vulgar. How could mere sparkling stones undo that wound? He felt ashamed and embarrassed. How pathetic must Kaela find him?
He wanted to do something for her, but everything felt clumsy. He knew how to inflict wounds but not how to heal them.
“I see.”
Kaela nodded in understanding and said nothing more. Peon looked at the wedding ring still being crafted with an utterly miserable feeling. He had hoped she would simply like the ring when she saw it, but now it seemed it would only remind her of unpleasant memories.
Well done.
Peon berated himself, a fool who couldn’t even get one timing right and let his wife suffer such humiliation.
Very well done indeed. Keep this up and Kaela will get sick of it again and ask for divorce. No, she might even say she wants to die again.
Would Kaela like it just because he decorated it prettily with a few diamonds? He remained silent by her side, unable to even sigh properly.
****
The good mood was shattered in an instant.
Kaela wasn’t surprised. As long as they stayed together, their life would keep repeating such incidents. Kaela, who had realized this early on, had told Peon they should go their separate ways, but he chose to live like this.
He could have lived infinitely proud and dignified as befitting his birth, but Peon was constantly self-reproaching while being mindful of her feelings. He even placed the wedding ring quietly on the vanity without giving it to her.
Kaela stared at the ring, recalling when it had disappeared and reappeared before. By now, perhaps silently placing things on the vanity was just typical Peon behavior.
In addition to the engagement ring prominently featuring the famous Kervan diamonds, the wedding ring was no less impressive.
With the guard ring too, there wouldn’t be much she could do with her hands. Truly, they would only be fit for tasks befitting a noble lady’s hands.
There would be no more lighting firewood or removing stains from old dresses while temporarily removing the precious ring – the sole proof of being Peon’s wife – for fear of damaging it.
‘Should I not wear it?’
The mischievous thought occurred to her even though she had no such intention. How would Peon react? She wasn’t sure how the man who now tried to act impeccably model-like, albeit belatedly, in matters concerning Kaela would behave.
But what Kaela could be certain of without seeing it now was that Peon would faithfully wear his ring regardless. And if Kaela didn’t wear her ring, he would be heartbroken. Those two things were certain.
She picked up the newly decorated wedding ring more easily than expected. Just wearing this alone would be enough, without needing to wear the engagement ring for formal occasions too.
It was that beautiful. It looked even prettier when worn on her finger. Blue, green, pink, red, yellow – various colored gems sparkled as they clinked together.
Did he choose them all himself? Of course he did. Did he polish them himself? It seemed so. Kaela spread out her left hand to look at it.
“It’s pretty.”
It was specially beautiful, just right for a wedding ring – not excessive yet distinct.
Kaela stretched her hand toward the fireplace that she always lit in the evenings now that the weather had gotten chilly. The reflected light sparkled, casting colorful shadows across Kaela’s pale face.
“It’s so pretty.”
She unconsciously murmured twice. She smiled slightly while fiddling with the ring.
Though the past briefly uncovered today was one of Kaela’s most painful memories, she found herself smiling surprisingly quickly. Smiling in less than a day. How strange. And fortunate.
The sun had set, so it was dinner time. She wrapped the shawl that Peon had carefully draped around her.
No matter how much they fought and cried and hurt, Peon would be waiting, as he always insisted on keeping at least their meals together. If she was even a little late, he would either come to get her himself or send someone.
Not wanting to make him worry on purpose, Kaela left her room without delay. She deliberately grabbed the doorknob with her left hand. The feel of the new wedding ring was unfamiliar yet pleasant. She liked this gift with his heart in it.
She liked it enough to distance even the memory of crying miserably while searching alone through snow and mud for the ring, even begging the head maid if she had seen it, please give it back if she had.
The man who had managed to slightly fade even wounds she thought would never heal knocked on the door that Kaela was holding the handle of.
“Kaela.”
His voice was infinitely low and still careful.
“Dinner is ready. If you want to eat alone, I’ll have it brought up. Please eat at least a little.”
As she stared intently at the wedding ring while listening to that gentle voice, Kaela knew.
Though Peon seemed to have failed today in his attempts to change each terrible memory one by one, he wouldn’t stop trying. Because that was how he loved her.
She knew. Kaela understood.
“I’ll be in the dining room.”
Though he had much he wanted to say, Peon closed his mouth after saying just that. He hesitated but ultimately held back and turned around.
He had to leave without any hesitation. But as he took a step, he couldn’t help but turn back at the sound of the door opening.
“Hug me.”
Kaela, who had never acted her age in her constant attempts to prove herself and be recognized as a proper Grand Duchess, spoke very boldly.
Peon was puzzled but didn’t hesitate. If she said to do it, he would. Above all, it was something he couldn’t refuse. His large frame immediately enveloped Kaela.
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
Of course he loved her. It wasn’t just saying it because she asked – he was so full of passionate feelings that he had to hold back constantly lest he overwhelm and burden Kaela by blurting them out.
“I love you, Kaela.”
The slender arms embracing him in return tightened at this confession that he sometimes worried might disgust her. Kaela was holding him as tightly as she could in her own way.
“Thank you for the ring.”
Instead of answering, Peon kissed her wherever he could reach.
“Back then, I felt so, so wretched…”
When her thin voice started trembling, he cradled her head and pressed his lips to her cheek.
“I was so lonely I wanted to die, and you understood that…”
Her tears disappeared among the gentle kisses dotted across her face before they could fall.
“I’m sorry I only acknowledged it now, Kaela.”
It was inadequate. She might have found it detestable, but Kaela still hugged him. Though she had ordered him to hug her, in the end she was the one hugging him.
Is this really alright? He had been grateful just to see her face once after begging for three months and ten days. He felt unworthy, having destroyed even the soul of such a delicate and kind woman.
“I’m sorry.”
Unable to say anything else, Peon just apologized. Her soft slippers fell with soft thuds at his feet.
“The ring is pretty.”
Kaela, who had wanted to hear something other than apologies, murmured through her tears.
“Do you like it?”
“Yes.”
She nodded vigorously, then whispered in his ear.
“It’s so so pretty, enough to make those memories a little better.”
You’re beautiful enough to drive someone mad. Peon closed his eyes tightly and exhaled silently. Beautiful and kind and lovely.
He was driven mad by the depth of his sins against such a being, and driven mad again by her continued kindness and gentleness even after regressing. Kaela held an enormous share in the reason he was called the mad dragon.
He barely recalled why he couldn’t lose his mind here. Kaela hadn’t had dinner yet. Yes. That was a very important matter.
“And thank you for remembering then and thinking of me…”
She wasn’t alone in holding those painful memories. There was someone beside her who remembered together, who didn’t just pass things by but sincerely apologized for each thing.
“Thank you.”
“That’s too generous.”
Peon shook his head and slightly pulled away his now calmer wife to examine her face. She hadn’t cried much. Yes. That’s good.
“I think having dinner together once would be enough.”
“I’ll grant you the honor of escorting me to the dining room as well.”
“That too is too generous, but I cannot refuse.”
He smiled. His smile made Kaela happy too. Because she was happy, she became shy and hugged him tightly again, hiding her face.
“Carry me like this.”
He turned and walked down the lit corridor just like that. His hold was light. Kaela watched the wall lights quickly passing by and the darkened windows with their curtains drawn.
She who had never been able to act her age, always trying to prove herself as a proper Grand Duchess, was now snuggled up to the person who had been the most difficult to approach in the world, making demands like ‘do this, do that’ – something that had once been unimaginable given how distant they were, but now they were pressed together without a gap between them.
Kaela lowered her gaze to look at the ring on her left hand. It’s pretty.
“I’ll try harder.”
His pleasant voice echoed softly in the quiet corridor.
“I might only barely manage things like flowers or jewels now, not meeting your refined standards, but I’ll still try. I can do better with practice.”
He could get better at understanding a woman’s heart too.
“So there won’t be any more incidents like today where I’m late and surprise you. I absolutely cannot promise there won’t be times when old memories come up, but I’ll do my very best.”
Today too, he could have just switched out the wedding ring, but because he was late, old matters were dredged up. Compared to his wife who, despite being much younger, perfectly handled all her duties like the finest lady, he was always awkward and clumsy.
Since he was already the worst husband when they married, he resolved to at least not remain the worst but become second-worst. Though he still seemed to be the worst.
“Mm.”
Kaela swung her legs.
“I know.”
For her right now, those words were enough.
****
But for Peon, it wasn’t enough.
Hh, hic…
Hands red and cracked from cold dug through the snow. He wanted to close his eyes. But dreams are always like that.
Without hands, feet, or mouth, unable to even close his eyes, he could only helplessly watch the young Grand Duchess sobbing as she searched through the snow and mud.
Powerlessly. Those of lower status dared to laugh at her. He couldn’t stop them. It happened again.
It was a scene he sometimes saw in nightmares, and he knew this would happen again. Peon wanted to shout at the sight of Kaela looking much younger than now.
But no voice came out. Stop, Kaela. It’s not there. There’s really nothing there. It’s too cold, go inside. Please stop. I was wrong. The ring, I’ll make you a new one, so please.
The crying Kaela turned to look at him.
-Give me the new ring.
How did she hear when he didn’t speak? Peon watched Kaela in shock.
-The new ring, give it to me quickly.
But he had no hands.
-You have the new ring. The one surrounded by diamonds. Give it to me. You have it. Give it.
The moment she said he ‘had it’, he was holding out a ring that shouldn’t exist with hands that hadn’t existed until now.
-Thank you.
Kaela smiled with her face red from the bitter wind. Ah, she smiled. She’s no longer searching through the snow.
****
“Thank you.”
Kaela, briefly awake in the middle of the night, murmured once more to her husband who wore a terrifying expression. His roughening breathing and pleading whimpers that had been leaking out subsided.
Peon’s furrowed brow, which had been apologizing and begging repeatedly in his sleep, smoothed out. Had he finally given her the ring while wandering through nightmares? That must have been it.
“You found the ring, so go back to sleep now.”
Her small hand patted him several times.
🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷