I opened my eyes. But I could see nothing.
‘Where am I…….’
Only a pitch-black hallway welcomed me.
‘Perhaps, this is hell.’
I thought as I looked around at a place that felt familiar yet strange.
‘Yeah, it wouldn’t make sense if I were in heaven.’
Even as I thought that, I glanced around again. If this really was hell, I couldn’t feel the infernal heat that should have been engulfing me right away.
Instead, where I stood was an empty, desolate place with a chilly wind that made me shiver more than it burned.
I began to walk. Somehow, I felt I needed to move my body. Walking down the pitch-black hallway, step by step.
How long had I been walking? A faint light appeared at the end of the hallway. Without thinking, I kept walking toward the light.
“I saw the moon, and the moon saw me.”
The closer I got to the light, I heard a little song.
“The blessing of God touched the moon. His blessing touched me, too.”
The melody was monoton, but peaceful, coming from a frail voice that seemed to belong to an old woman.
“I saw the stars, and the stars saw me. The blessing of God touched the stars. His blessing touched me, too.”
The light that I thought I had seen was coming from a small room. I looked around.
Of the long corridor I had walked down, this was the only room with an open door. The woman’s singing was coming from here as well. I stepped into the room.
It was a nicely decorated room, each with its own mobile.
Looking around the room, I soon found the woman. An elderly woman, with a slightly tired expression on her face, was singing softly as she gently rocked a crib.
“I know there’s an angel watching over me. God’s blessing touched the angel, and the angel gathered shining stars of love in every color and handed them to me.”
The soft melody flowed like a lullaby. The woman looked down at the crib with a gentle expression. She didn’t seem to have noticed me.
“Um, excuse me…….”
I parted my lips and spoke to the woman.
“I saw my world, and the world saw me.”
Her lullaby continued without pause.
I stood in front of her but soon realized that she couldn’t see me. I even waved my hand in front of her, but she still couldn’t see me.
Somehow, the dreamlike atmosphere made me feel like I was wandering through a dream.
Yes, maybe this was a dream. I took a step forward.
As I got closer to the woman, I could see the crib she was tending to.
Unlike the woman’s modest attire, the crib was decorated in an elegant style, with velvet fabric that looked soft, hinting at the child’s high status.
‘A nanny.’
With such a loving face, she must be a highly respected nanny.
A warmth spread through my heart, but, strangely, there was also a pang deep within my chest. I became curious about the child she was caring for.
Step by step, I approached the crib. The woman’s melody didn’t stop. Her gentle hand rocked the crib softly, like a gentle breeze.
I leaned forward to catch a glimpse of the child’s face.
My gaze moved from the soft purple velvet cushion to the cute socks adorned with a blue ribbon.
Seeing the blue color, I suddenly thought, so it’s a boy.
His little feet were tiny. My gaze shifted from his delicate hand gripping the soft pillowcase to his small face, breathing in soft sighs.
The child had long eyelashes, with a few strands of soft, ash-brown hair clinging to his forehead.
His slightly puckered lips moved gently, as if he were dreaming of tasting something sweet. The boy was deeply asleep.
Though he looked like a beloved angel, my heart ached, and I bit my lip.
“God blessed my world, my world…..”
Listening to the nanny’s lullaby, I unconsciously reached out my hand. Maybe I wanted to brush away the hair stuck to his forehead.
As my index finger touched his round little forehead, the child opened his eyes.
I held my breath. The moment my gaze met his blue eyes, something struck me so powerfully that I couldn’t breathe.
He was looking at me, even though he shouldn’t be able to.
“My world gave me all its love and blessings. It has begun again.”
The child smiled. A bright smile spread across his tiny face, filling the room with a joyous laugh.
“I embraced the moon, stars, and angels in my arms once again. Hmm? Young Master, are you awake? You were sleeping so well, why…..?”
“Gaa!”
The child laughed at me again, a crystal-clear, ringing laugh that echoed in my ears. The nanny spoke to him in a gentle voice.
“What has made you so happy, hmm? It’s been so long since you smiled, and it fills your nanny’s heart with such joy.”
“Kyaa!”
Drip, drip. Something warm trickled down my cheek.
But I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the child. His face was both familiar and strange, filling my heart with a bittersweet ache. I felt as if I were free-falling off a cliff, suspended in that unsettling sensation.
The child flailed his tiny arms and legs. He was a helpless newborn, yet his small movements startled me, making me take a step back.
“Ah-wa!”
He babbled, squirming and reaching out as if trying to say something.
I took another step back, and with just two steps, I could no longer see his face from where I stood.
“Bwaa, ah-woo… Bwaaah…”
But I could still see his little arms struggling through the crib’s railings, and his voice grew tinged with a whimper.
Without realizing it, I took a step forward again.
“Uwaa….. Gaah!”
The child’s face, which had been about to cry, blossomed back into a smile. His blue eyes curved as he looked at me, lighting up with joy.
“Gaa!”
He waved his arms, as though he were asking to be held.
An overwhelming surge of emotion overcame me, and I instinctively reached out my arms, but—
“Hmm? You want to be held?”
That was not my place.
The nanny, seemingly understanding his gesture, lifted him from the crib. I could only lower my empty hands and stand there, helpless.
“Ah-wa! Bwaa!”
“Oh, poor young master. You must have been lonely, longing for someone’s embrace.”
The child continued to squirm, as if desperately trying to convey something, but the nanny merely patted his back, whispering in a pained voice, doing her best to comfort him.
“How heartless of His Grace….. Even though he mourns for Madam, the living must go on living. How could he abandon his only son like this? Especially on his birthday… When will he return to himself?”
She sniffled, momentarily pausing her gentle pats as she wiped away her tears.
“Don’t worry, young master. Though I’m lacking, I’ll stay by your side. I could never replace your mother, but this old nanny will always be here for you.”
“Baah, bwah!”
Despite her words, the child kept looking past her, reaching his tiny arms toward me. His small hands, trembling in the air, tugged at my heart.
But I forced myself to turn away, ignoring his pleading gaze.
“Aaa….. Bwuu….”
A soft whimper began to escape his lips, and I bit down, resisting the urge to look back.
Everything inside me screamed that I didn’t belong here, that I shouldn’t be seeing this.
“Waaah!”
“Oh, young master, what’s wrong? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said such things in front of you…”
The nanny, assuming that her sorrow had affected the child, hurriedly tried to soothe him, bouncing him gently.
The cries, high-pitched and desperate, clawed at my chest, ached in a way I could hardly bear.
I couldn’t turn back. If I saw those tear-filled blue eyes again, I would crumble.
“Waaaah!”
I ran from the room.
Fleeing from the heart-wrenching cries that trailed behind me.
I ran until the nanny’s worried voice faded, until I could no longer imagine the child’s outstretched hands or his tearful gaze, piercing and longing, following me into the dark silence.
