There Is No Way You Love Me

Alyssa slowly opened her eyes.

Her entire body felt as heavy as waterlogged cotton. Her right arm was tightly bound, completely devoid of sensation.

‘I must have fainted.’

Even with her foggy mind, she could tell.

If she didn’t hurry and get up, there would be scolding or a cold splash of water. As Alyssa tried to push herself up, someone gently pressed her back down.

“Please stay lying down.”

It wasn’t her father’s cold voice. After blinking a few more times to clear her blurred vision, she saw the ceiling of a room, not a cloudy sky.

‘That’s right. He’s gone…’

Alyssa slowly came back to the present. There had been times in her youth when she had collapsed from the grueling training under the late Duke.

Each time, her father would pour cold water over her to wake her, and she would jolt back to consciousness as if slapped.

But now, no one wakes her like that. Her father had passed away long ago, buried due to old age. The person standing beside her bed now was not him.

“Are you awake?”

The low, calm voice echoed once more, and Alyssa’s hazy vision finally came into sharp focus.

It was the early hours of dawn, just as the first light of day began to break. Alyssa’s day was beginning, while Kieran would normally still be asleep.

But Kieran was sitting quietly by her bedside, his eyes devoid of any trace of drowsiness.

The moment Alyssa met his gaze, the memories of the previous day flashed through her mind like a whirlwind.

The sudden onslaught of monsters. The humanoid ones. Her injured shoulder and blood-stained vision. Kieran’s face, frozen in a grim expression.

Alyssa bowed her head deeply. She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze again.

‘I made him angry.’

Lately, the smile that had always graced Kieran’s face was nowhere to be found. Instead, he had regarded Alyssa with a cold expression, as frigid as a winter’s night.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered, her voice faltering as she tried to apologize.

A brief silence hung between them before Kieran let out a soft sigh.

“Sorry for what?”

Perhaps it was her imagination, but his voice seemed ever so slightly softened. Clinging to that faint hope, Alyssa pleaded desperately.

“It’s because I couldn’t finish the task properly before fainting. I failed to fulfill my duties.”

She hoped, prayed even, that Kieran would accept her explanation. But he simply let out a faint sigh, offering no response.

“And… I failed to predict the monsters’ invasion and take the proper precautions as the head of the duchy.”

Her mouth was dry, and cold sweat pooled in her tightly clenched hands. Still, Kieran remained silent. Her heart pounded with a disquiet so loud it felt as if it was lodged in her throat.

A flurry of frantic thoughts stormed through Alyssa’s mind.

‘What should I do? What can I say…’

“Your Grace!”

The voice calling her brought Alyssa abruptly back to herself. Kieran reached out to grasp her arm.

“Your wound…”

Perhaps due to the pressure she’d exerted, the injury had reopened. Red stains bloomed across the white bandages wrapped around her arm.

Kieran immediately pressed his handkerchief to the wound, carefully applying pressure. The pristine white cloth quickly darkened with blood, but he paid it no mind.

“Does it hurt much? Shall I summon the physician?”

His voice was low and steady as he gently wrapped his hand around hers, which bore the marks of her own nails from being clenched so tightly.

Alyssa stared blankly at him, forgetting to respond. Though there was still no trace of a smile on Kieran’s face, his demeanor remained gentle.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“……”

“Please, don’t be angry. I was wrong.”

She was terrified of losing that gentleness.

Part of her even wished he would strike her instead. If he could vent his anger on her, then return to smiling as he once did, she would ask for nothing more.

“I’ll do better next time. I won’t make mistakes like this again. So, please…”

Kieran let out another deep sigh. Alyssa braced herself, expecting him to pull his hand away. But instead, he gripped her hand more firmly.

“I’m not angry,” he said, his voice calm but laden with complexity.

“No, perhaps I am angry. But I’m not angry with you.”

Alyssa, who had been frozen in fear and drenched in cold sweat, raised her head ever so slightly at his words.

“I was worried,” Kieran admitted.

Alyssa’s eyes widened at his concise words.

She understood the meaning, yet they felt foreign—like hearing an unfamiliar language for the first time. It was something she had never heard before.

“Do you have any idea what went through my mind when I saw the state you were in? And the first thing you say to me is…”

Kieran let out a deep sigh, running a hand through his hair. Though he looked somewhat irritated, it wasn’t entirely that.

“No injuries or major damage, you say.”

His tone and gaze felt strange and unfamiliar. He wasn’t smiling, nor was he angry—it was something she couldn’t recognize.

“If treatment had been delayed even slightly, your right arm might have been permanently disabled. The amount of blood loss was severe, and the smaller wounds were too many to count.”

Injuries on the battlefield were commonplace. This injury was serious, yes, but it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.

Alyssa thought she was fine.

“That is not fine in the least,” he said firmly.

At those words, her chest tightened. It felt as if she had been shivering in the cold for hours and suddenly stepped into the warmth of a fire. She could feel the blood starting to flow again from her fingertips.

“I’m truly relieved you woke up safely,” he said.

His tone was unlike anything she had heard before—a mix of unfamiliar warmth and unrecognizable emotion.

‘He really isn’t angry’, she thought to herself.

Alyssa was overwhelmed by a storm of emotions she couldn’t fully understand, yet one thing was clear to her.

She wanted to simply feel glad and move on, but a stinging sensation built in her nose, and before she could stop it, tears started to fall uncontrollably. Startled, she hurriedly wiped them away. She couldn’t cry—he would surely hate to see her sobbing like this and might even get angry.

“What’s wrong?”

Despite her efforts, the tears wouldn’t stop, cascading down her cheeks. Seeing her cry, Kieran looked alarmed and asked again.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine, really… just…”

Alyssa was confused. She wasn’t hurt, nor was she scared, yet the tears wouldn’t cease. It was the first time she had cried like this, for reasons she didn’t fully grasp. Yet, deep down, she understood.

“I’m just… relieved,” she murmured.

The tears kept falling, soaking the white sheets beneath her. Gasping for breath, she added,

“Even though I was… useless, you’re not… really angry with me?”

Her voice trembled with desperation, bordering on a plea. She wanted to see the expression on his face, but her vision remained blurred by tears. Alyssa clumsily wiped at her eyes, worried he might find her tearful face unpleasant, and forced a shaky smile.

“I’m not angry,” Kieran said firmly.

Kieran gently grasped Alyssa’s trembling hands as she desperately tried to wipe away her tears.

“And I won’t be angry in the future either,” he said softly.

Alyssa, her head bowed and tears falling freely, heard no reproach in his words. Instead, Kieran extended his hand and lightly patted her shoulder, a quiet gesture of comfort.

That kindness made her tears flow even harder.

Up until now, everything Alyssa had ever been given came with a price.

Every smile, every touch—it all carried a hidden cost.

Everyone around her always expected something in return. If she failed to meet their expectations, they would take back whatever they had given.

Kieran’s unasked-for kindness felt strange and unfamiliar. It unsettled her, his steady gentleness dismantling the world she had known piece by piece.

Her hands, now covering her tear-streaked face, felt heavy with pooling tears, as if she might drown in them. Yet, that overwhelming presence of him filled her so completely it left her breathless.

And she didn’t mind it.

Alyssa cried without restraint, and Kieran stayed by her side the whole time.

Only when the once-dark sky had fully brightened with daylight did her tears finally subside.

“Do you feel a bit calmer now?” he asked.

“Yes…” she murmured.

Alyssa slowly nodded and wiped her eyes with the edge of the blanket covering her.

She initially felt guilty about ruining such an expensive piece of fabric and had tried to refuse, but Kieran had insisted firmly, leaving her no room to argue.

Out of habit, she reached up to adjust her bangs, but the texture under her fingertips felt strange. Her hair, matted with various fluids, was stiff and frozen.

It was baffling how it could still be frozen in the warmth of the room, but one thing was certain—her appearance must be absolutely dreadful.

“…!”

To think she had been showing her face to Kieran in such a state!

Alyssa froze in horror and panicked, quickly grabbing the tear-soaked blanket to hide her face.

Kieran, watching her flustered movements, let out a sound somewhere between a stifled laugh and a cough.

“Before you collapsed, you stepped on a plant-type monster,” he explained. “It wasn’t completely dead, so it managed a weak counterattack.”

Just from that description and the state of her frozen bangs, Alyssa could immediately identify the type of monster it had been.

It was likely a vine-shaped monster, one that wielded water-filled tendrils like whips, freezing everything they touched.

“Since it was caused by a monster, it cannot be melted through normal means. I’ve heard that it will probably need to be cut off.”

Alyssa hesitated at his words. It was true—frost caused by a monster’s power couldn’t be undone by human methods.

But cutting her bangs would mean exposing her face.

“I refrained from taking action, assuming you’d be reluctant…”

Kieran’s calm voice broke through her thoughts as he noticed Alyssa’s expression, pale as a sheet.

“Do you have a particular reason for needing to cover your face?” he asked quietly.