Chapter 94
Rap name Dragon Iron, real name Choi Yongcheol.
Back when civilization still existed, Yongcheol had appeared on Show Me the Money, shouting “I love mom, hate dad” only to get gloriously eliminated in the preliminaries. He would deliberately scrape his voice while puffing on cigarettes at the Hongdae hipster cafes, only to find a “No Rappers Allowed” sign posted the next time he went back, leaving him depressed on his way home.
Anyway, Yongcheol at that time lived relatively happily, hoping for this kind of life to continue. Of course, every time his mother saw Yongcheol, she would ask when he would bring in some money and smack him on the back, but Yongcheol had a dream. He wanted to become a famous rapper who loved tonkatsu and bathed in money to make his mother live a better life.
But those dreams all turned into bubbles. Because of the outbreak of the infection? No.
During the outbreak of the infection, his mother, who was still working hard at a new café in Hongdae, went to find Yongcheol and got hit by a stray bullet and died.
His dream was consumed by the inevitability of death that could not be denied.
Yongcheol wandered for a long time. If only he had treated his mother better. If only he had cooked her favorite side dish once. If only he had worked part-time and given her money even in an envelope. He regretted every moment of his life. He wished he could have just died. But he didn’t die so easily. Was it because of the judo he did in high school? He was often surprised by his instinctive reaction to blow away the infected.
Anyway, because of that, Yongcheol’s self-loathing grew with each passing day. Hey, you pathetic loser. Your mom died like that and you still want to live? If so, go get revenge on the soldier who shot her. Can’t even do that? Crazy bastard. Weak, pathetic bastard. You parasite! Die, die!
Yongcheol deteriorated more and more, and it seemed that committing suicide would end his life faster than being torn apart by the infected. That was the time.
“If anyone’s there, help me out.”
“I’ll give you food if you do.”
“I can even give you bullets.”
One day, as Yongcheol was strolling through the forest, he heard an unusual sound. Investigating further, he discovered a person trapped in a rudimentary pit trap, clearly intended for catching wild animals. Each time he passed by such traps, he couldn’t help but wonder if any foolish creatures had fallen prey to them. But this time, instead of an animal, it was a human ensnared within. The trapped individual turned out to be Min Ahyeon.
“Ha, I really almost starved to death in there. Thanks.”
Despite her pretty face—actually she looked quite fierce too, so cursing didn’t seem out of place. She expressed her gratitude and introduced herself.
“But I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. You look really familiar.”
“What? Seen me where? I don’t have a common face, you know?”
Ahyeon tilted her head momentarily before snapping her fingers and clapping her hands in sudden realization.
“You’re that guy, you know, who went on that rap show and did that weird rap before getting eliminated. Something about liking your mom and hating your dad?”
Yongcheol felt the urge to rebut Ahyeon’s description of his rap performance, but seeing the gun holstered at her waist, he thought better of it and kept quiet. In this world, anyone with a gun is the scariest, regardless of age or gender.
“What was your nickname again? Dragon, something? It was such a cheesy nickname.”
“Dragon Iron.”
“Right, super cringy.”
Yongcheol felt the familiar impulse to argue, but he restrained himself this time. It wasn’t solely due to the presence of the gun; rather, it stemmed from the fact that he had long abandoned his life as a rapper. In truth, he had never truly been a rapper to begin with; he was more of an aspiring rapper, or perhaps merely a hopeful one.
So Yongcheol shook his head firmly.
“It’s Choi Yongcheol. Call me by my real name.”
At that moment, Ahyeon’s expression changed. Perhaps she detected a profound sense of frustration and regret etched upon Yongcheol’s features. She could have simply turned away and left, but instead, she posed a question to him.
“By your name? After coming up with a rap name? Why? Not rapping anymore?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Yongcheol answered.
“Yeah, I don’t.”
“Why?”
“…..”
At that moment, Yongcheol felt his emotions overflow like a bursting dam, impossible to hold back with reason. Despite just meeting Min Ahyeon, he grabbed her and began spilling out his past in detail.
“The truth is, I’m not good at rapping. No, I can’t even say I’m mediocre at it. But I wanted to be a rapper because it seemed cool. At first, that’s how I felt. But as time went on, I realized that was all I had, and I remained just an aspiring rapper. My mom always took care of me, and I vowed to repay her someday, but then she died. Without even receiving my filial piety. She spent her whole life struggling to raise someone like me. Damn it, I should have died. I should have died instead.”
Yongcheol found himself confessing in front of a stranger, much like he would in a therapy session, and he felt self-condemnation creeping in as he spoke. Yet, he couldn’t stop.
Perhaps this was what he wanted – to unload his past, his mistakes, his regrets onto someone…And then what? Just die after that? Yongcheol decided that’s how he would put an end to his life. He thought once this conversation ended, he would die.
But then…
“So, are you giving up on everything now?”
Ahyeon’s words gripped him tight.
She didn’t offer trite reassurances like, “Your mother lived just for you” or “She passed on in your place, so you have to keep struggling to live.” Instead,
“Your mother will remember you as the rapper D.I.”
She pinpointed his dreams, hopes, his future persona.
And so, from then on, Yongcheol began using the rap name D.I again, and as Ahyeon suggested, he strived to preserve the last image of himself that his mother would remember. He did so for four years.
And today is the anniversary of his mother’s death.
“Uncle?”
So he had secluded himself in the basement, sobbing alone, when Jun suddenly showed up. Yongcheol hurriedly wiped his reddened eyes and snotty nose with a towel, forcing a smile at Jun.
“Oh, Jun-ah. You’re here? Did you get the rations alright?”
“Um…yes. Here, I brought bread. For you, Uncle.”
“Why’d you bring stuff like this? You eat it! Eat with Yeon!”
“……”
Jun pursed his lips for a moment, then closed them straight. Then, cautiously glancing at Yongcheol, he spoke slowly.
“Uncle.”
“Yeah?”
“Are you sad?”
Yongcheol opened his eyes wide. He thought he had hidden his tears, but apparently not. The thought of showing weakness in front of the child spurred Yongcheol to quickly straighten his head.
“No, why would your uncle cry? I’m not crying!”
“It’s okay to cry.”
But Jun was not an ordinary child, wise beyond his year
“No matter how sad, my grandmother always said men shouldn’t cry, so I held it in. But my mom said sadness is soluble. Tears dissolve it away. That you’ll feel better.”
“…..”
“So I cried a lot. When my parents passed away, when they were taken. I still cry now. I guess my sadness hasn’t fully gone away yet.”
Placing a hand on his chest, Jun muttered and looked up at Yongcheol. Seeing Yongcheol’s watery eyes, he said in a moist voice.
“Isn’t it the same for you, Uncle?”
At this point, Yongcheol couldn’t say anything. He was overwhelmed with self-reproach for showing such an unsightly side to a child, but also a sense of relief in sharing their pain together. Conflicting emotions flickered across his face before settling down.
“Our Jun has really grown up.”
Ruffling Jun’s hair, Yongcheol hugged him tightly.
“Let’s go out for now. Go get Yeon. I’ll make some soup.”
“Okay!”
As Yongcheol left the basement, behind him was a crudely drawn picture of his mother…. there was a sentence written.
[I miss you.]
🕂
After that emotional moment, Yongcheol came upstairs feeling sentimental and wanted to open some canned food to make a nice dinner for a change.
Until Min Ahyeon and Shin Hae-jun barged in unexpectedly.
Crash!
The door burst open with the sound of things breaking, revealing Min Ahyeon, who couldn’t contain her frustration, and Shin Hae-jun, whose lips were unexpectedly bitten, causing blood to trickle down.
🕂
Thank you for reading! ♡
