The warm green gemstone, encased in delicate gold leaves, was a ring I had coveted since I was a child. No matter how much I begged or pouted, my mother had never once told me I could even try it on—not even as a joke. That’s why the tears wouldn’t stop streaming down my face now.
“Oh dear. My sweet Vivi, you haven’t even eaten, and now you’re crying yourself into hunger. Your chubby cheeks used to be your charm—why have you lost so much weight?”
“Mom… I…”
“Do what you want to do. Whatever path you choose, as long as it brings you happiness, your father and I will be okay with it.”
Mother cut me off gently, but firmly. In her eyes, I saw a quiet determination—no matter what I chose, she would never resent me for it.
* * *
The next day, just after 9 a.m., the ceremonial pure white dress to be worn at the temple arrived at the house, as tradition dictated. Along with the long, slender empire-style gown was a box containing a bouquet made of small white flowers blooming delicately on thin stems.
“It’s snowbell flowers,”
Michelle said as she took out the bouquet, glancing at me cautiously.
“How they managed to get spring flowers this time of year to make a bouquet is beyond me.”
“Michelle.”
“Yes, my lady?”
“Help me try it on.”
“…Pardon?”
Startled, Michelle looked at me in disbelief, but I gave her a weak smile.
“I have to wear it tomorrow. I should at least check if it fits.”
“My lady…”
“Hurry.”
Michelle, knowing that crossing my mood—especially after I had only barely eaten a single bowl of soup for breakfast—wasn’t wise, quickly began assisting me with the dress. It must have been tailored to my previous measurements, because the sides were a bit loose.
“I’ll need to take it in a little. It’s a bit roomy on the sides.”
“Mm. Please do.”
“My lady…”
“Michelle, don’t look at me like that. It’s something I can’t avoid anymore.”
I couldn’t just pretend my parents didn’t exist when I knew exactly how this would end. Unfortunately, they hadn’t raised me to be the kind of cold and clever person who could make a selfish decision without hesitation. They raised me to be softhearted, timid, tender, and foolishly sentimental.
“I’m fine. Just adjust the dress. I can’t show up looking like a mess, can I?”
I forced a smile and tried to joke with Michelle. Her eyes shimmered with tears.
“Don’t cry. If you cry, I’ll get too sad, too.”
“I’m not crying. Why would I cry? Just—just a second. Where are my pins…”
“Traditions like this need to disappear. Who wears a dress like this in the middle of winter?”
“Right? Everyone else will probably be bundled up in warm fur coats.”
We laughed, trying to push through the tears, joking about how ridiculous it all was.
Michelle pinned the waist as she grumbled,
“That whole purity ceremony… what’s the point?”
“Exactly. Everyone knows the truth and just pretends not to.”
“Who would dare question the chastity of ladies chosen by the Imperial Family, anyway?”
The purity ceremony conducted by the temple before the official selection was quite simple.
Anyone who knew of the selected lady’s impure past would have the chance to publicly reveal it. If not now, then never.
Unless someone had ten lives to spare, no one would dare challenge the Imperial Family by exposing a romantic past—even if it were true. And I wasn’t even in a position to hope for such a miracle.
If I fled without participating in the purity ceremony, everyone would know exactly what it meant.
They’d brand me a shameless woman who ran away to avoid exposing her lack of virtue, and our family’s name would be dragged through the mud.
Worse, the Imperial Family might see it as an insult, a deliberate mockery. Given the Empress and Crown Prince’s obsession with me, it was clear what kind of humiliation my parents might face.
“There. How’s that, my Lady?”
After pinning everything, Michelle asked.
The girl in the mirror looked melancholy, but she had a slender figure thanks to recent weight loss. The high-quality silk empire dress flowed elegantly over her body.
It was a strange blend of sadness and grace. Her plain brown hair wasn’t much, but the crimson irises definitely stood out.
“Beautiful.”
“You’re always beautiful, my Lady.”
“Oh come on, what’s with the flattery?”
“I figured if I buttered you up, you might take me with you to the palace.”
Michelle forced a bright tone, joking lightly.
“Michelle.”
“My Lady, I’ll follow you wherever you go. So please, don’t say anything else.”
“Michelle…”
“Now, take the dress off. I’ll have it altered. Tomorrow, you’ll be the most radiant person in that temple.”
Michelle avoided my eyes. If our gazes met, this crybaby maid would surely burst into tears again.
I carefully removed the dress, making sure the pins didn’t prick my skin. Michelle took the dress and left the room.
Pacing around, I eventually wandered over to my desk. One of the books on the shelf caught my eye — <The Demon Duke Is Obsessed With Me>. A soft laugh escaped me.
It had all started the day I wore that burgundy dress, wrapped myself in a shawl, and snuck out with this book in hand.
If I had just listened to my brother and quietly attended the ball that day… then none of this would have happened. I would have remained just another noble lady known only by name, living a quiet, peaceful life.
Which would’ve been the better choice?
“…Still, I couldn’t bear not meeting Armin.”
Even with everything that’s happened, if I could go back, I would still choose to meet Armin. My happiest memories in this life were with him.
I had promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I felt tears threatening again, like a fool. I quickly tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling.
“It’s okay… because I have so many memories.”
It had been just over a year, but it hit me then — Armin had always been by my side.
It had already been months since I last saw his face, yet I could still picture it as clearly as my own family’s.
I would probably remember it until the day I die — Armin’s face the night he came to my room before leaving for the border.
I decided I would no longer live with regret. If none of this had happened, I would never have realized just how wonderful, how remarkable Armin truly was. Or how deeply he had loved me.
Even if, someday in the distant future, someone good enters his life, this moment, this version of Armin, would forever belong to me alone.
Perhaps Crown Prince Zeta was right. Someday, the memories of Armin might fade, worn thin by the relentless passing of time, like a breeze that brushes past.
Once I bear children and settle into an ordinary life, maybe things like love — those intangible emotions — will start to matter less than more immediate concerns. But still—
“I belonged wholly to you too, Armin.”
The reflection of the woman smiling in the mirror was beautiful. Even if her eyes were filled with resignation, and her light was slowly dimming.
* * *
The next day.
From early morning, the capital was buzzing with excitement. To those unaware of the truth, the story of a tragic Prince becoming the Crown Prince and taking a beautiful woman as his Crown Princess must have felt like a fated scene straight out of a drama.
On my way down to board the golden carriage prepared by the Imperial family, I pretended not to notice the sorrowful looks in my parents’ eyes.
Last night, I told them I would participate in the selection. Perhaps having already heard from Michelle that I had the ceremonial dress altered, they had anticipated my answer — they didn’t say much.
“I’ll be back.”
When I smiled and said goodbye, my mother only nodded, unable to speak. My parents were scheduled to leave separately later.
“Open the door.”
At my command, the front doors swung wide open. A golden carriage glittered in the sunlight so brightly it was blinding, waiting just for me.
As I climbed in, bouquet in hand, the pure white horses — not a single black hair among them — began to trot diligently.
The clattering of hooves quickly found a rhythm, accompanied by the snorting breaths of the horses. The weather was so bright and cheerful it made me angry.
If only it would rain.
I blamed the weather for no reason, but the sky remained perfectly clear, not a single cloud in sight. The dress fit me well, and the scent of the snow willow bouquet was sweet.
If only Armin were by my side — if only I hadn’t just taken the first step to become another man’s wife — if only this weren’t the day I’d begin to be called by a name other than “Roha” or “Grey” for the rest of my life — it could’ve been called a perfect day.
