“Right. You understand well.”
“……”
I was at a loss for words as I looked at Ruth nodding immediately.
Even when I lived as a commoner, I never bet money, not even once. Moreover, I had only heard of gambling, I never actually did it or saw it done.
But being told to gamble.
Just the thought made me feel tight in the stomach, and Ruth caught me fumbling with my fingers and burst into a carefree laugh.
“What I mean is just pretend to do it.”
“What?”
I blinked in confusion at his puzzling words.
“But just now, you definitely said to mingle among other people. Wouldn’t it be too obvious if I only pretend to gamble among those who are gambling?”
“Of course, it would be if you mix in with those gambling, but if you blend in with the spectators, you can naturally be there.”
“Ah.”
Only then did I understand what Ruth was saying and let out a sigh.
Telling me to blend in with others didn’t mean to tell me to gamble but to watch gambling.
While I was suppressing the embarrassment from my delayed realization, he asked incredulously.
“Did you really intend to gamble?”
“If it meant our plan could proceed without any hitches, I was willing to try anything.”
“Really. I’ve felt this for a while now, but you’re sometimes too reckless.”
Ruth, stifling a chuckle at my response, ran his hand through his hair and suddenly leaned forward, reducing the space between our faces to just about two hands’ breadth.
“Listen carefully, my lady. From now on, until our outing ends, or rather, during the time you’re fulfilling our agreement, I will tell you the rules that you must absolutely follow.”
“Rules?”
“Yes.”
As Ruth strangely started talking about rules, extending his right hand with all but his index finger folded,
“First, do not act rashly. Before you do anything, make sure to tell me.”
“I will.”
This was something I had already promised before.
Seeing me accept this without hesitation, Ruth, with a deepening smile, raised his middle finger.
“Second, if something happens, look for me first.”
“What if Your Majesty is not nearby?”
“I might not know about when we are in the palace, but while we are traveling, I will be nearby. And even if, by any chance, I am not, all my attention will still be on you. So, if you’re in danger, scream.”
“I understand for now.”
I replied, trying to ignore the suffocating feeling as if a stone was laying on my chest.
The second rule he proposed was only to be applied during this trip. Because there was no way the Emperor, Ruth, would continue to pour all his attention on me once we returned. It was more likely I would be the last of his concerns.
Ruth, unable to understand my feelings, finally raised his third finger.
“Lastly, third, do not die.”
“……”
“Do not die, ever, my lady. This is not a request, but an order.”
The desperation in his eyes made me open my mouth to say something, but then I closed it.
His command not to die carried an inexplicable weight, compelling the listener to follow it without question.
…Why? Wasn’t ‘Serbia’ merely a convenience, someone to keep by his side as needed by Ruth?
Someone he could use and discard at any time, nothing more? Since when had ‘Serbia’ become someone Ruth could not afford to lose?
The momentary perception of Ruth treating ‘Serbia’ in a special way disturbed me.
At the same time, a nameless emotion welled up from deep within, filling the void in my heart. It was a mix of emotional touch and jealousy.
How funny, Selena.
I swallowed a self-deprecating laugh. Initially, I was hurt by Ruth’s cold treatment, but now, finding myself jealous of the now-warm Ruth felt ridiculous. I was eaten away by the contradictory wish that he’d remained cold as he longed for “that child,” yet not wanting him to push “me” away.
Caught in the exhausting cycle of my emotions, I finally gathered myself and squeezed out my voice with difficulty.
“…Understood. I won’t die. I promise.”
“Good.”
Having accepted my promise, Ruth seemed satisfied, got up from the table, and stood. “Then, I’ll go rest in the bedroom. You should rest as well.”
“Okay.”
Watching his back as he entered one of the two bedrooms, I clenched my empty hands. I can’t falter now after all this time. I just can’t.
The low murmur of my resolve echoed emptily, not taking long to dissipate into the air like a handful of ashes, leaving no one to hear it.
***
Before I knew it, the sky had turned a deep blue, signaling that evening had arrived. This also meant that it was time for Ruth and me to go to the casino.
As I gathered the masks and tickets and got on the elevator, Ruth pressed a silver button marked with an [N] and then pulled a lever. The elevator ascended for a few seconds before stopping.
“……”
As soon as the elevator doors opened, I was rendered speechless by the sight that greeted me.
Inside the bustling casino, crowds of people grouped here and there, and waiters carrying trays laden with glasses of alcohol and cheese weaved through them efficiently.
The interior was so crowded it was suffocating, but I kept my composure. Showing unfamiliarity with such places would likely arouse suspicion.
While I was steadfastly looking straight ahead, Ruth tapped my shoulder from beside.
“Madam. I will go somewhere briefly, so please don’t move.”
“Huh? Oh, yes. I’ll stay. Don’t worry about me.”
Even though I knew it was all an act, I kept reacting awkwardly to Ruth’s formal speech.
Seeing me like that, he lifted the corners of his mouth slightly and quickly disappeared into the crowd.
Waiting for Ruth to return quickly, I leaned against the wall and observed a group of people.
The gambling they were engaging in involved rolling a small ball in an attempt to get it into a hole in a circle that turned to the side. Most of the time, the ball would escape out of the circle, but occasionally, it would end up in the hole.
Even though I wasn’t the one rolling the ball, every time it rolled, I tensed up as if it were my own business, unwittingly holding my breath and focusing intently.
“Ma’am.”
“!”
Startled by a whisper from beside me, I turned to see Ruth holding a small pouch in his arms.
“It’s…… Ruth.”
“Yes. It’s me.”
In response to my murmured exclamation, he spoke in a low voice and suddenly handed me a small brown pouch the size of his palm.
What’s this?
In the blink of an eye, I was fidgeting with the pouch that had appeared in my hand, looking around. There was a rustling sound coming from the somewhat heavy pouch, and through the thin cloth, I could feel several round objects.
Driven by growing curiosity, I peeked inside the pouch, finding a few silver coins and some unidentified circular objects, about a handful in total.
“Why are there silver coins? And what are these? I’ve never seen them before…”
I looked at the circular objects, puzzled, then glanced at the inside of the pouch as I asked.
Ruth, pulling out a colorful circular object from his pocket in response to my question, grinned like a mischievous child about to play a prank.
“This is what you call a token. It’s used instead of coins when gambling.”
“…….”
“Tokens have different values depending on their color. I bought a purple one for you. It’s only worth one silver coin, but it’s the second most expensive kind, so don’t be too disappointed.”
The most expensive ones cost fifty silver coins each, but I thought that would be too much even for the lady.
Misinterpreting my silence for a different reason, Ruth added an explanation at the end of his speech.
However, contrary to his expectation, what surprised me was the fact that Ruth had bought me a token for gambling.
Didn’t he say in the room that we would not be gambling but instead mingling among those who were watching the gambling? Why then did he suddenly buy me a token?
My confusion made me stand awkwardly for a while, making Ruth twitch his eyebrows.
“I thought you would like it.”
“…Why?”
“Didn’t you want to try gambling?”
“As I said in the room, if the situation doesn’t allow, we could just pretend to gamble, not that I wanted to try it for real.”
“Well, if the lady says so… Ah, but you should have seen your eyes back then. If only you could see them yourself.”
“What happened?”
“……”
For some reason, Ruth, who normally responded well, gradually became silent. It was only a moment later that his blurred violet eyes became clear again.
“It was nonsense, madam. Please don’t mind it.”
Ruth, reciting this, couldn’t look me straight in the eye. He seemed like someone wanting to hide something. Therefore, his excuse that he spoke nonsense was likely just a lie.
However, I didn’t press on.
Everyone has flaws or secrets they hope others don’t find out. And Ruth was a human being. Meaning, it was natural for Ruth to have secrets he didn’t want others to know.
Moreover, Ruth’s expression now resembled how it was 11 years ago, the day he confessed to burning all of his mother’s belongings.
On his face coexisted a fragility that seemed as if it would crumble at the slightest touch and a solidity that wouldn’t break no matter how many times it was smashed.
Therefore, even knowing that Ruth lied to me, I deliberately turned a blind eye.
“Thank you, Ruth. As for the token… I’ll use it if I come across something I want to do while wandering around.”
“Understood.”
Ruth, who had been drawing a pleased smile at my thanks, soon added as if he had just remembered,
“Right. Gambling is fine, but don’t end up in debt because of it.”
“That’s obvious, but why?”
“Because then we might not be able to afford a meal tomorrow.”
“……”
For some reason, the grip of the hand holding the wallet tightened.
