Chapter 56
The child couldn’t bring himself to speak from the beginning. It was clear he was struggling with how to start and what words to use.
Helena noticed his difficulty and patiently waited. Speaking about it must have been incredibly hard for him, and she didn’t want to rush him.
If she pressured him, he might not be able to say what he needed to say, or the frustrations and emotions that needed to come out might be blocked.
She was simply prepared to listen, no matter what he had to say.
“You’ll understand too, Helena. About that person.”
“That person? Who?”
“Melissa.”
It was a name she had somewhat anticipated, but hearing it directly made her expression stiffen. However, Joshua seemed too distressed and confused to notice her change.
“She was the person my father married before you came.”
Joshua, usually so clear in his speech, seemed unable to look her in the eye, unsure of what to do.
“Of course, they divorced.”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“My father didn’t know about her. We didn’t know either.”
It seemed that just recalling those memories was difficult for him.
“When we had just become his children, my father had to go on a campaign. He told us to stay safe in the capital, but we didn’t want to leave his side.”
Joshua’s face darkened.
“But my father must have been worried. At that time, I asked him. Couldn’t he just marry, as he had been putting it off?”
“…”
“I said it would be nice to have a mother around.”
The child smiled faintly.
“I kept persuading my father and Jeremy. If we had a mother, there wouldn’t be anything to worry about. It was a marriage that had to happen anyway, and if our mother took care of us, then everything would be fine.”
Joshua muttered, unaware of how foolish it all sounded now.
“I’ve always wished for a mother. I was upset that everyone else had a mother, but we didn’t. I just wanted to have a mother beside me as soon as possible.”
Helena understood that feeling well. She, too, had longed for a warm family.
If she hadn’t been told she only had a year to live, she would have still wished for a family at this very moment.
That was why she could understand his desire better than anyone.
“I didn’t even know what kind of person Melissa was…”
“What happened?”
“She was a devil of a woman.”
Joshua dropped a single tear.
“She locked us in the closet, screamed at us, and cursed us ten times a day. No matter how many people tried to stop her, it was no use. She drank every day and gambled constantly.”
He said that the time he lived with that woman wasn’t long.
“Soon, my father found out. He immediately kicked her out of Frantor and divorced her. But… Jeremy was already hurt. Because of me.”
Helena, who had been quietly listening, asked a question.
“Did that woman try to get close to you?”
“That’s right. She sent a letter to Jeremy asking if he could help her. Of course, Jeremy never saw it…”
“What kind of help did she ask for?”
“She must have been financially struggling. She had so much gambling debt, so it was probably a given.”
Joshua sighed and spoke.
“I had to somehow fix the mistakes I made. I needed to become strong enough to protect Jeremy, and… I wanted to chase that woman away too.”
“So, that’s why you joined the mercenary guild.”
“Did she know I came to Seantilen? She immediately sent me a letter. It’s probably easier for her to approach me than Jeremy. After all, it’s better for her to send a letter to me than to Jeremy.”
The mercenary guild was the method Joshua had chosen to protect his precious twin. He hadn’t been able to learn greedily in Frantor.
Just as Helena had, just as Caligo had, Joshua made the same choice.
But Helena was incredibly saddened and angry. She couldn’t just stand by and let that woman, Melissa, get away with what she had done. What on earth had she done to deserve this? The pain in Joshua’s eyes made her bite her lip.
She felt like a scream would burst out from within her, but she restrained herself. After all, the one suffering the most in this moment was Joshua.
“The reason I learned the dagger was because of that. One day, I’ll kill her.”
“Kill her?”
“I can’t kill her right now. But I’ll wait for the right opportunity… without anyone knowing.”
Her face turned pale.
“That woman still seems to want to get back with my father, to return to the way things were. A marriage that doesn’t involve me or Jeremy.”
“Does the Duke know?”
“He doesn’t know that she approached us. She can’t approach us directly because there are guards around, so all she can do is send letters.”
Joshua chuckled bitterly.
“Still, one day she will show herself. Before that happens, I’ll stop her. I’ll handle everything without Jeremy ever knowing.”
“…”
“Helena, I have to become stronger. That’s the only way I can protect my father and Jeremy. I don’t want the self-defense moves taught by boring sword teachers; I want real power I can use in battle.”
Joshua seemed to have realized something late.
“Are you going to tell father?”
“Of course, I will.”
Joshua flinched at her calm reply.
“You promised me!”
“I know.”
“Then why were you planning on telling him? Do you want to fight with me? Do you think I’ll just let it go?”
“Even if I have to fight you, at least you’ll be safe.”
“…”
Joshua fell silent at her calm response.
“Your father wouldn’t want you to carry this pain alone, and neither do I.”
“It must never reach my father.”
Joshua insisted.
“My father won’t let this go.”
“Of course, he won’t. Isn’t it better if it happens this way? At least that woman will disappear.”
“What I’m worried about is her family.”
Joshua clenched his fists.
“My father already has too many enemies. The situation is already complicated after the divorce! He can’t just cut ties with the emperor’s faction. If this becomes a problem, I’m sure the noble factions will act.”
“Did you worry about all that too?”
“This happened because of me! It happened because of me! I have to take responsibility and fix it.”
“Then let me ask you something else.”
Helena met Joshua’s gaze.
“Why is this your fault?”
“Of course, it’s my fault! I persuaded my father and Jeremy. Because of me, my father married that woman, and Jeremy went through all this!”
He began to tear up, his tears falling freely.
“I started this, so I have to take responsibility and finish it. Am I wrong?”
“You’re wrong.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“This isn’t your fault. Even if you hadn’t persuaded him, eventually your father would have married that woman. You would have met her eventually.”
“…”
“The one at fault is that woman. From the very beginning, she did all the dirty things. Why is it your fault? She’s the crazy one, the foolish one, the one who did insane things.”
“……”
“Why is it your fault that you wanted a family? You just wanted a good mother.”
“I… I still have to take responsibility…”
“Why should you take responsibility? The perpetrator is clearly that damn woman. You’re the victim. If anyone should take responsibility, it’s her. She should kneel and apologize, beg for forgiveness from you two. Am I wrong?”
Joshua broke down in tears.
Maybe this child had been wanting to hear that it wasn’t his fault all along. At Helena’s words that he didn’t need to take responsibility, Joshua cried out as if the world was collapsing around him.
Helena silently embraced Joshua and patted him.
“R-Really, it’s not my fault?”
“Yes. It’s not.”
Joshua cried for a long time. He cried and cried, his face wet with tears.
He was still just twelve years old, despite trying to act mature. It was heartbreaking to see a child who had to grow up so quickly.
“So, now you can let go.”
“Ughhh…”
After crying for a long while, Joshua wiped his cheek and sniffled.
“I won’t cry anymore.”
“Okay.”
This was the first time he had cried like this. And, moreover, it was in front of someone other than himself—Helena.
As he wiped his tears, trying to stifle his sobs, a familiar voice suddenly rang out.
“Hey, you idiot!”
Someone grabbed Joshua by the collar and knocked him over.
Startled by the sudden force, Joshua fell to the ground.
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