65. Because I Don’t Want to Drink from You

The fire roared in the fireplace. I wanted to throw the letter into the blazing logs, but I resisted.

I carefully placed it back in its original position and closed the drawer.

Then I exited the office and closed the door as if nothing had happened.

I took a deep breath that I had been holding back. I felt dizzy. I leaned against the mansion’s pillar, and a cold sensation ran up my spine.

Leaning against the pillar, I tried to catch my breath. Even the simple act of breathing felt overwhelming. Who would have thought the sound of burning logs could be scarier than a wolf’s howl?

Fear would continue to arise.

The cheers of people, congratulatory delegations, and soon the wedding songs that would echo. They would become traumas. It was terrifying.

“Milady.”

I opened my eyes. Edan was walking towards me from the opposite direction.

“Are you alright?”

His voice was warm. I looked at Edan. He was genuinely worried about me.

“What do you mean?”

I forced a bright expression, although I knew what he was asking.

I nodded.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry, Edan.”

“Are you really?”

He asked again.

How much did Edan’s question encompass?

“What exactly are you asking if I’m okay about?”

Was it just because I didn’t look well?

He spoke.

“I thought it would be difficult. There have been many changes in the castle.”

“Changes?”

“Moving and the series of difficult situations you’ve had to handle.”

“Thank you for worrying, Edan. But I’m really…”

I was definitely fine. But the moment Edan asked, tears suddenly welled up.

It felt like he had touched the part I was trying hard to hold back. Like a dam bursting, tears streamed down my face.

I couldn’t hold back my tears.

Seeing me cry so miserably, Edan didn’t know what to do. He looked visibly flustered.

I approached him and leaned into his chest. It wasn’t for a hug or comfort. I just wanted to hide my pathetic crying face.

His chest was clad in iron armor, making it hard and unyielding. Tears couldn’t soak into it. It wasn’t a good environment to cry in, but I was grateful that it hid my ugly face.

He held me in his arms without saying a word, trying to comfort me. There were no soothing words or gentle pats on the back. He seemed awkward, as if comforting a woman was a first for him. His rough arms wrapped around me, but even that was comforting.

Sniffling, I buried my face in his chest. I tried to calm myself, but the trembling wouldn’t stop.

I shrank in his arms. With my head buried in his chest for a while, I heard a familiar voice from behind.

“What’s going on?”

At the end of the hallway, standing in front of the door, was Deon.

I quickly wiped my eyes. Thankfully, I was wearing a long-sleeved dress.

“There’s nothing wrong.”

“Nothing wrong?”

Of course, he didn’t believe it. My eyes were stinging from being red. There were still tears clinging to my lowered eyelashes.

“What’s going on?”

He gave up asking me and turned to Edan. Edan hid the part where I had buried my face with his cloak.

“There’s nothing wrong.”

Edan echoed my response.

Deon’s brow furrowed deeply.

While it was a helpful reply for me, I worried for Edan. He remained here to serve Deon and was defying his master’s command. Before the situation could escalate, I reached out to Deon.

“Let’s talk inside.”

I grabbed his arm and led him into the office.

* * *

“So, why were you crying?”

I sat on the edge of the table. There were fruits on the table, but I still had no appetite.

“Why haven’t you been drinking my blood lately?”

Deon paused, his hand stilling as he was fastening his cuff buttons, and looked at me.

“I asked why you were crying. Is that the reason?”

“I’d appreciate it if you were honest with me.”

“Does it matter? Just tell me why you were crying.”

“Please answer first.”

Deon silently resumed fastening his buttons.

The buttons seemed to almost slip into the slit but kept missing.

I approached him and held his shirt cuff. I wanted an answer quickly. Deon stopped fumbling with the buttons.

“Why?”

I repeated my question and fastened the button for him. The button was neatly done, but I kept holding his wrist tightly, as if urging him to answer.

“Because… I don’t want to drink from you.”

“Why not?”

“Does the reason matter?”

“I want to hear it.”

Our eyes met. His deep eyes showed no emotion.

“I just… don’t want to.”

Oh, I see.

The faint hope I had held dissipated.

I hadn’t expected him to say he cherished me or that he refrained from drinking my blood because it would shorten my life. I didn’t expect such kind words, but I also didn’t expect him to say “just” without any explanation.

I felt foolish for hoping for a sincere excuse.

“So your tastes have changed?”

The words came out sharply.

“Was there ever a time when I was delicious to you? Stop being picky and just drink.”

He ignored my words and walked past me towards the box containing weapons.

“If you’re worried about Lady Isella finding out, I’ll tell the butler to pick a time when she’s not around. Take care of yourself.”

His hand, which was about to pick up a black scabbard, hesitated.

“When Lady Elizabeth was staying at the mansion, you took blood from me every night without her noticing. Her sister will probably be the same. Siblings often have similar habits. If you’re reducing the amount of blood you take because you’re worried about complications, you don’t have to.”

I knew it was stubbornness, but I couldn’t stop.

His expression gradually turned colder.

“Wasn’t it better for you that I don’t drink blood?”

I couldn’t bring myself to say that I had no reason to stay if he didn’t need me. That would be truly irreparable.

I suppressed the words that were on the tip of my tongue.

“You’ve changed. I wondered if there was another reason.”

It wasn’t just that he stopped drinking my blood; his attitude towards me had also subtly changed. He was pushing me away.

“I know you’re uncomfortable. I understand that she might be bothering you.”

Deon spoke as if he had seen through my intentions.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean Isella coming into the mansion.”

I thought I hadn’t made it obvious.

I gripped my skirt tightly. It felt like my innermost thoughts had been exposed, and my face grew hot.

“Her presence doesn’t change the mansion. Just go on as usual. Nothing has changed and nothing will change.”

Really?

I bit my lip hard.

“Are you going to get engaged to her?”

The office felt like it froze. An uncomfortable tension filled the air.

His face hardened.

“…Where did you hear that?”

“I was probably the last to know in this mansion. No, maybe in the entire capital.”

Rumors spread quickly. Scandals even more so. It might have even reached the North by now.

“I cried because of that.”

“Why?”

Now it was his turn to ask.

“Why did you cry over that?”

“Deon, do you really have to get engaged?”

I mustered the courage to say what I had been holding inside.

I lifted my head and met his blue eyes.

“Can’t you not do it?”

Silence fell. It was so quiet I could hear our breathing.

He put down the sword. His Adam’s apple bobbed.

“Leonie, if she makes you uncomfortable…”

I anticipated the words that would come from his moving lips.

Should I move? Should I fill the greenhouse? Should I send her away?

I tried to ignore it, but there were his actions, always considering me to the fullest.

As always, just like that.

But what actually came out of his mouth were words that drove a wedge into my anxiety.

“Would you like to move to the annex?”

My heart sank with a thud.

I realized.

Our contract was solely to guarantee my safety and to pretend to be in love.

There was no promise that he wouldn’t get engaged to someone else or guarantee my social status.

It was my delusion.

I should have remembered.

The reason I am here is to be used by him.

A source of power. A disposable tool that will be discarded once its usefulness is exhausted.

These were all the words that defined me.

The reason I stay here is not because of emotions, and the reason he keeps and protects me is not because of some trivial love affair.

It’s because of the blood he needs from me.

There was no right I could claim from him.

My body trembled slightly. I clasped my hands together to calm my shaking hands.

My mind cooled down.

“…Shall we do that? Where is the annex?”

“On the outskirts of the capital.”

“…How far is it?”

“About seven hours by carriage.”

“By horse?”

“If you ride fast, about three hours.”

“I see.”

Oddly enough, hearing his words, my confused mind became calm. My emotions quickly settled.

The chest that had been rising and falling violently also gradually calmed down.

“When should I leave?”

“Whenever you want. It would be good to pack with a kitchen maid and a few new guards. If you select about twenty servants you like…”

“No, I don’t need many. Five will be enough.”

Two kitchen maids, two guards, and a laundry maid. Five people were enough for the bare minimum.

If it’s an annex, it’s just a nice way of saying that I’m being banished to the outskirts. I couldn’t take everyone to the annex.

“Five is not enough. You need to have guards, even if you don’t like it. Don’t refuse that.”

“One guard, Edan, is enough…”

I stopped speaking. He intended to exclude Edan from the guards.

Edan too… Now there was no surveillance.

It was like being completely unchained. I touched my neck with my fingers.

The tightening rope was gone, but it felt as if my throat was being squeezed instead.

“I’ll do that.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, you can leave tomorrow. But take your time to think it over.”

Tomorrow.

As I suspected, he seemed to have no regrets.

“Then what about the blood?”

“For now, I don’t need it. There won’t be any war. If an urgent need arises, I’ll send the butler, Bitterna. Though that probably won’t happen.”

“I’ll think it over slowly.”

I didn’t want to leave. Now that the leash had loosened, there was nowhere to go.

If he lets me go, if I can escape, should I go to Baron Sien’s estate?

I shook my head.

Considering what they did at the birth banquet, they would sell me off again to anyone who offered money. Before sending me to the North, they tried to marry me off to a rich merchant by force.

What about Philip?

Philip’s trade guild is just getting established, so it’s unstable. He would welcome me, but it would be difficult.

Moreover, even though he’s an old friend, I don’t really know him. If we stayed together, my identity would surely be exposed soon.

I should organize my thoughts after moving to the annex.