In that state, I walked to the detached cellar. I almost ran into the maids carrying laundry on their heads, but I managed to hide next to the cabinet with a very quick maneuver and didn’t get caught.
“Desi, Desi.”
Clank, clank-
The sound of the iron grating seemed louder than it was this morning.
“Look at this, Desi. It’s meat.”
I spread my legs and awkwardly showed Desi the meat. I flashed a victorious smile. The savory smell of the meat wafted from my hands. Desi opened his mouth wide and panted as he smelled the meat.
Desi looked like a person, but his behavior was like a puppy, which put my mind at ease. Even if I behaved strangely, he wouldn’t scold me or furrow his brow.
Whenever I did something odd, my mother would scream and wield a stick. When she beat me with the stick, it felt like my calves were on fire.
I cried so much from the pain that I couldn’t sleep at night. Nowadays, with my sister gone, I felt even lonelier. So, on days when I was beaten by my mother, I had to endure a sorrowful and painful night.
And the maids would grumble and nag for a long time with a disgusted look on their faces. Starting from this year, the etiquette teacher assigned to me was no exception. I had to become a puppet without free will in front of that teacher, who grilled people endlessly.
Even the clangs during every mealtime were very laborious, and now I had to endure it every hour, every minute. As I grew older, life was becoming increasingly difficult.
Desi swallowed the meat in one gulp. Then, he licked the cloth soaked in meat juice, enjoying the lingering taste of the meat. Seeing Desi enjoying it, I felt that my efforts had paid off.
“Is it tasty, Desi? Should I bring some more next time?”
Desi raised his head with a smile. It was the first time he responded to my words instead of ignoring them. I was delighted to see Desi responding to me like he was about to jump.
“Got it. Just trust me, Desi.”
I could willingly sacrifice the meat for Desi. After all, he was my only friend. It was a bit disappointing that he couldn’t speak like a human.
I hoped that someday Desi would appreciate my sacrifices. Giving up meat was really tough. Ugh.
Desi still occasionally suffered beatings from my father. But Desi didn’t seem as distressed as before.
Perhaps because he got used to it, or maybe it was because I fed him meat and bread, I felt proud thinking that I was helping Desi grow stronger.
The day after I gave Desi the meat, the servants dragged Desi to the backyard. As they dragged him, they repeatedly struck his knees and shoulders with a long stick to keep him from standing up straight.
Father approached Desi, circling him as if picking out something while carrying something on his back. Then suddenly, he began to beat Desi, who was lying on the ground, with a cudgel brought by the servants.
The sound of thumping filled the air, and Desi’s body twitched. Watching that sight was so painful that I tightly closed my eyes. I also plugged my ears, but the harsh thumping sound kept seeping in.
Father, beating Desi with a stick wrapped in cowhide, panted as if out of breath.
“Haha. Was this breed supposed to grow this fast? As I told you, I’m only giving a little food.”
Father chuckled as he weakly lay on the ground, poking Desi with the cudgel. The servants lifted up the limp Desi and threw him into the basement.
I waited for the servants to leave, then hurriedly descended into the basement.
“Desi, Desi.”
Clang—
As soon as Desi heard my voice, he suddenly opened his eyes as if pretending to be unconscious. I chuckled as I looked into Desi’s twinkling eyes.
I felt relieved that Desi listened well to me. Whenever father started beating, he used to growl and glare instead of pretending to faint as I had told him several times.
Desi, who couldn’t understand human language and used to growl every time, finally played along by pretending to faint. Thanks to that, father’s beatings ended early.
Father always said Desi needed to be tamed. If Desi growled, it meant he wasn’t tamed yet, so father would continue to beat him.
“Good job. See? It ended early just because you pretended to faint, right? Since you did well, I’ll give you meat and bread. It’s heavy, so your underwear has slipped all the way down to your knees.”
Desi lowered his ears and squirmed his body as if he wanted to come closer to me, but he couldn’t move freely because he was tied to the iron grating. When Desi pressed his ears against his head like that, he looked really obedient. Despite being dirty and smelly, he seemed cute enough to think so.
As I fed Desi bread and meat, I tickled his ears. Desi shivered his shoulders as if it tickled, but slowly ate the meat.
“Why are you eating so slowly these days? Is something hurting?”
It was strange that Desi’s eating speed had slowed down. Nowadays, Desi also ate bread very slowly. He used to gulp it down in two bites.
Because of that, I had to stay in the basement for a long time, feeding Desi. Feeding him for a long time wasn’t easy. My arms and legs would ache. But I endured that difficult task.
“There’s no friend as good as me in the world. I have to starve every day to feed Desi. Just managing to fill my stomach with snacks.”
Desi lifted his head as if he understood my words of lament.
“Why? Eat quickly.”
But Desi still didn’t eat more. Watching Desi grow made me feel bitter inside, as it was my only joy.
“Eat quickly, Desi. Is there anywhere that hurts?”
I immediately realized how foolish my question was. I asked if there was anywhere hurting despite the obvious scars on Desi’s body and the yellow inflammation oozing from his neck. Desi was always in pain.
“Sorry. Sorry, Desi.”
I felt sorry for Desi. The maids said there was no need to feel sorry for Desi because he wasn’t a person, but that was wrong. There was no other creature in the world as pitiful as Desi.
We lay straw in our stable so that even the horses being whipped can sleep comfortably. If they get hurt, we treat them and don’t beat them without reason.
That day, I couldn’t bear the pitiful emotions. Perhaps it was because I witnessed the beating until the end. I cried loudly because Desi, who was beaten, starved, and tied up for no reason, looked so pitiful. I felt helpless because I couldn’t break Desi’s chains with my own strength.
I couldn’t ask the adults for help either. Father never listened to me. Mother was the same. The maids only obeyed father and mother. My words were always taken lightly.
“Desi, don’t hurt.”
I hugged the dirty, smelly Desi and wiped away my tears and snot. In this mansion without my sister, Desi was my only friend, and I wondered what I would do without him. I felt like I should take better care of him, but I couldn’t think of a way to do it.
“Don’t die, Desi.”
When tears burst out once, they didn’t stop easily. When I cried sorrowfully as if I were in pain, a soft sigh came out. And unbelievably, Desi spoke.
“…I won’t die. Don’t cry.”
“Desi, what?”
I was so surprised that I almost hiccupped. Desi spoke! And very fluently, too. Like a real person. I was so shocked that my tears stopped instantly. Desi looked at me intently and spoke again.
“I won’t die.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So wipe your dirty snot.”
I wiped my face with my sleeve and stared at Desi in disbelief. I couldn’t believe that Desi spoke.
“…But Desi, you’re dirtier.”
I sniffled. Even if I shed tears, Desi kept dripping mucus like a runny nose.
Desi raised his eyebrows. Then he closed his mouth tightly again. After that, no matter how much I urged and coaxed him, he never opened his mouth. Even if I apologized for being dirty, he remained unmoved. I just wanted to confirm that Desi spoke again. I left the food and left the basement.
“You have to eat, Desi. You must keep the promise not to die.”
Desi didn’t even say goodbye. Even though he could speak.
I felt disappointed. I only thought of being good to Desi, but he was so picky. Desi was a really difficult friend.
But I decided to understand Desi’s tantrums. Because he had been experiencing difficult things every day since coming to this house. It was natural for him to be angry. It wasn’t strange to hate everyone in this house.
Still, I thought maybe I showed him my kindness by showing him that I tried. I gave him delicious food and even cried for him. So I showed him that I tried. Another side of Desi that only I knew.
* * *
It became the end of winter. At the tips of branches still adorned with snow, light green sprouts were emerging. The biting cold wind subsided, and a warm breeze blew from the west.
When Desi stopped growling, Father became more lenient. He removed the collar made of iron and replaced it with a sturdy leather one. As the hard and cold iron, leaving wounds on Desi’s neck, fell away, I breathed a sigh of relief. It might be uncomfortable, but at least the leather collar wouldn’t cause wounds.
The maid grimaced as she removed the collar, which had blood and pus stuck to it, with a look of disgust.
Father, who gave the new collar as a gift, ordered Desi to be bathed. The maids looked at Desi with a disgusted expression, as if his original skin color was grayish.
When one maid grabbed Desi roughly, Desi showed his fierce face. He only growled, but the maid screamed and fell backward.
Father chuckled satisfactorily at the sight, as if recognizing his dominance. Even though the maids cried, Father paid no attention. He just shouted for them to bathe Desi quickly. When another maid, with an almost dying face, approached Desi, Desi growled again. His sharp white teeth were pointed and sharp.
I noticed Desi’s sharp teeth and instinctively swept my fingers into my mouth. My teeth were flat at the end. It was different from Desi’s. I preferred Desi’s sharp teeth. When the maids saw Desi’s teeth, they got scared and hurriedly ran away.
“Bring the muzzle.”
Father, who enjoyed watching the maids panic, found the muzzle. It seemed that he had enough of the enjoyable spectacle. The muzzle made of black leather had holes for breathing.
When Father put the muzzle on Desi’s mouth, the maids who had been running away came closer with relief. Even if Desi growled, the maids didn’t run away when he wore the muzzle.
“Wash him thoroughly.”
The maids began to drag Desi to bathe him. Desi seemed to understand the word “bath” and struggled with all his might to avoid being dragged away. Desi seemed to dread being bathed terribly.
When Desi didn’t budge, the servants joined in. It took eight servants to drag Desi, even though his hands were tied. Despite being tied up, eight adult servants struggled to drag Desi. Seeing Desi, who was smaller than a single head, being dragged away by eight adults, I widened my eyes in surprise.
Desi certainly had strength.
After realizing Desi’s strength, my shoulders felt heavy. It was because I remembered what my elder brother once said. There was a time when I was dissatisfied because the maids gave me only half of what my brother ate.
Both my brother and I had one mouth, so why should there be discrimination like this? Although I wasn’t hungry, I still felt bad. It seemed like I was receiving only half of what my brother did.
I endured it over a hundred times. I kept my complaints to myself. But when mealtime came for the 101st time, I voiced my dissatisfaction. I endured it a hundred times, but I couldn’t bear it on the 101st time. After Father left, I ordered the maid who brought the food to give me as much as my brother.
My brother chuckled at my words. Then he said that I shouldn’t eat more. When I asked why, he said it was because I was weak.
He said that the amount one could eat was determined by one’s strength. Ignoring that and eating a lot would turn one into a sluggish pig, while eating less would lead to weakness and starvation.
But what should I do now? Now that I knew Desi was as strong as eight adults. If Desi continued to eat only a little, he would become weak. It was clear that the amount I gave him was insufficient. I couldn’t let Desi starve to death. How could I provide enough food for Desi, equivalent to the portion of eight adults? It was a new task for me.
Lost in thought, I hurried to follow the servants to not miss the scene of Desi’s first bath. A large tub was prepared in the laundry room, filled with cold water. I clicked my tongue, wishing they had prepared warm water.
Splash!
