No More Regrets, Just K*ll Me

 

As expected, the hallway in front of the door was completely empty.

I crept out of the room and started walking down the hallway. Perhaps because it was an annex, there were no servants wandering around.

 

‘Alright, the task is to get to the main building without being caught.’

 

I pondered deeply while buried in bed. How can I get Carlothian to kill me? How can I die by his hand without causing harm to the servants?

That’s when it struck me.

 

‘In situations like this, provoking the person directly involved is the best approach!’

 

So I decided to barge into Carlothian’s room. If I ambush him while he sleeps, he will surely feel anger towards me. Perhaps he might even look at me with disdain.

Or maybe I should pretend to be an assassin in his sleep and pull out a knife.

I made it to the main building on foot, clinging carefully to the walls of the hallway. Then.

 

‘This is strange.’

 

As I climbed the stairs of the main building, I looked around. It’s understandable that there were no people in the annex, but to find no one in the main building was unusual.

The full moon’s light filtered through the mansion’s windows, casting eerie shadows on the hallways.

 

‘Not even common guards in sight?’

 

Given that Carlothian is said to be the Empire’s top swordsman, it was unusual for there to be so few people around.

Just as I was about to reach his room…

 

“Ugh, hhmm…”

 

Somewhere, a man’s groan echoed.

 

‘That voice… it’s definitely…’

 

I froze for a moment, then remembered where I had heard that voice before.

 

‘Carlothian?’

 

It was unmistakably his voice. Coming from the innermost room on the top floor, the one with the grand and ornate door.

 

‘What the hell, why is the lock on the outside?’

 

I slowly unlocked and opened the door. Peeking through the narrow gap of the slightly opened door, I saw Carlothian gripping his head on the bed, groaning.

He looked to be in agony, his whole body drenched in cold sweat. I covered my mouth for a moment.

 

‘So the rumors about him suffering from madness are true?’

 

I recalled Ariadeline’s memory. Ariadeline occupied a room on a different floor from Carlothian.

He was on the top floor at the very end. And Ariadeline’s room was on the opposite end of the floor from his.

Needless to say, Carlothian never shared a room with Ariadeline and had strictly forbidden her from even coming near his room.

The prideful Ariadeline had obediently stayed away from his room, just as he had demanded.

 

‘So I thought he would freak out if I came to his bedroom.’

 

What if there was a reason he didn’t want her to come to his bedroom? Could it be that he was truly suffering from madness and had been trying to hide it?

Such hypotheses swirled in my mind. I slowly opened the door.

 

“Haah, ugh…”

 

Holding my breath, I observed him more closely. He looked to be in agony, his contorted expression a clear indicator of how much he was suffering. He didn’t even seem to notice that I had opened the door.

Next to the bed, Deathrotea lay sprawled out, and an eerie light emanated from the sword.

 

‘Is his madness related to that sword? What on earth is this? How much of the original story did they condense?’

 

Weren’t all those rumors just hearsay? Didn’t Carlothian fall for Dorothea because she understood him?

I remembered the original story. There had been no proper explanation at all.

There was nothing about Ariadeline being framed, nothing about Carlothian knowing about dark magic, nothing about him suffering from madness being true!

 

‘Author, come out and face me!’

 

That’s why knowing the original work is meaningless at all!

I approached the bed slowly. Suddenly, Carlothian opened his eyes wide and sat up.

 

‘Ah, his eyes…’

 

From his throat came no longer the sound of suffering but rather a growl, like a beast.

I felt my heart thudding in my chest. I swallowed hard.

 

‘I feel bad taking advantage of a sick person, but…’

 

Given that he is currently suffering from madness, he might even try to kill me. His bedsheets were torn, like he had clawed at them with his nails.

He clenched his fists tightly as if he wanted to tear something apart, and the veins and bones on the back of his hands kept appearing and disappearing.

His sunken eyes held no light, resembling a madman’s.

 

“Get out!”

 

His eyes were darkened, and the whites of his eyes were reddened by burst blood vessels. However, a faint consciousness appeared to remain, and he shouted at me.

But I stood there, silently observing him.

 

‘Does Dorothea know? Or is it beyond Dorothea’s holy power?’

 

That’s a bit similar to mine. I smirked faintly. Slowly, I started to move closer to his bed.

As I neared the bed, I watched him breathe heavily.

 

“Didn’t you hear me? Get out…”

 

I slowly checked his condition again. His shirt was soaked with sweat, and his arms trembled as he gripped the bed as if holding something in.

 

‘I feel certain he’s gone mad…’

 

Rather than stepping back, I leaned in closer, supporting myself on the bed, to get a better look at his face. His expression became even more contorted. I spoke clearly so he could read my lips.

 

‘What does madness feel like?’

“……what?”

‘Is it just agonizing, or do you feel overwhelming impulses?’

 

Carlothian clenched his teeth. The voices were still in his ears, like demons whispering.

The prey has arrived! The prey has come!

She’s a nuisance! I must kill her!

Strangle her; make her never speak again!

Carlothian gripped the bedsheets even tighter. His pale face has now turned completely red.

His onyx eyes glinted like black stones. He was restraining himself so much. Some kind of impulse. I pronounced it once more, slowly.

 

‘Kill me.’

 

His eyes widened. Did you think I’ve been asking you to kill me for fun all this time?

 

‘At least experience some peace, even if just for a moment.’

 

Honestly, I’m unsure if he’ll do it, but I tried to tempt him. And the anger in Carlothian’s eyes grew even stronger.

I suppose that means he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Still, I’ve provoked him this much…

 

“Argh!”

 

He grabbed my neck in an instant and pinned me down on the bed. Then he was on top of me.

Rather than panic, pleasure filled my chest. I looked up at him, giggling.

 

“You… really want to die; you’re crazy.”

‘Do you realize that now?’

 

Seeing the crescent shape of my eyes, Carlothian tightened his grip on my throat even more.

In his ears, he could hear the cheers of the demons.

 

Kill her!

Kill her!

Never let her come near you again!

 

My breath was running out. I felt my vision fading, but I didn’t stop laughing. I stretched my arms out toward him, as if to embrace him.

His eyes were now glowing with madness in the moonlight.

The eerie sight was enough to send shivers down my spine, but I couldn’t distinguish whether these were shivers of fear or ecstasy.

 

‘Can’t… breathe…’

 

Gak, I felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out.

 

“What do you, a lowly thing, know…?”

 

I felt an adrenaline surge in my fading consciousness.

 

‘Now I can die.’

 

Slowly, I spoke towards him, showing emotions that could be anger, hatred, or sadness.

 

‘It’s okay.’

 

So he could understand.

 

‘It’s not your fault.’

 

His eyes widened once more.

 

‘It’s all my fault.’

 

Thud, his hand fell away, and soon my breath was cut off.

There, Carlothian was left alone, panting.

 

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

 

I opened my eyes again. My vision was blurry. What… did I fail again? Why? As I pondered, pain surged from my chest to my stomach.

I lifted my unsteady hand to feel my wound. What the hell? This looks like a sword wound.

Rustle.

Someone walked beside me. I squinted at the dimming view and glanced up at the person.

It was Carlothian.

𝑺𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑲𝒐-𝒇𝒊