Chapter 5
Leave Me Alone! But No One Listened (5)
I remembered how his face became rather cold as he grew up.
Trying to trace the face from my memory, I shook my head.
“By the way, did you come to ask about that?”
“…I also have something to say.”
“Go ahead.”
As I stared blankly, he slowly opened his mouth.
“I’m sorry for barging in yesterday.”
“…Pardon?”
“I was worried you might not participate in the subjugation practice because of the insult you received. I got impatient and ended up being rude.”
“…No, it’s not…”
The Ethan Behemoth is apologizing?
This was the first time we’d had such a long conversation, even though we weren’t dating.
‘Does he want something from me?’
Unable to hide my skeptical gaze, I calmly replied.
“Did you think I was the kind of person who couldn’t handle such a minor insult and would sulk like a child?”
“It’s not childish. Anyone would feel upset when insulted.”
“Is that so?”
“……”
Ethan stood still, fidgeting with his sword handle.
Long eyelash shadows fell under his lowered eyelids, seemingly lost in thought.
I was also deep in thought.
‘Why is Ethan Behemoth acting like this?’
Could it be that he…
‘Likes… me?’
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I shook my head.
‘That’s impossible.’
No, that’s going too far. Even in my previous life, I was the one who unilaterally ended things. Bringing up the idea of him liking me now felt wrong, even as a joke.
‘Even if he doesn’t know that story.’
I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him.
Right. A young person made an effort to apologize with good intentions. It wouldn’t be right to rebuke him. I should change the subject.
Ah, looking at his face reminded me of someone else.
“Um. I made good use of Sir Ian’s sword yesterday. Could you perhaps return it to him?”
“Sure.”
‘I can naturally send him away after handing over the sword.’
Just as I was reaching for Yan’s sword at my waist.
Plop.
I accidentally dropped the ointment and bandage.
“Ah.”
But Ethan bent down faster than me and picked them up. Is he going to hand them back?
“Thank you.”
I quickly handed over Yan’s sword and bowed my head to him.
“…..?”
But Ethan, who took the sword from my hand, didn’t put the items back in my outstretched hands even after several seconds.
…Then why did you pick them up?
“Aren’t you going to give them back?”
I made a puzzled expression with both hands extended. Our eyes met. He broke the long silence and said,
“…Your cheek. It’s not visible, so would it be alright if I helped treat it?”
“…Pardon?”
“I asked if it would be alright for me to help treat it.”
…He want to treat the wound himself?
“It’s fine…”
This is completely uncomfortable.
I was about to refuse outright, but then I hesitated.
…Come to think of it, the mirror in my room was broken.
It might be better to borrow Ethan’s help than to treat the wound in the bathroom.
Looking around, I noticed an empty bench by the fountain. I guess there’s no choice.
Reluctantly, I pointed to it.
“Um, yes. Then… please, over there.”
The bench, which would normally be full of chatting students, was quiet, probably because it was the day before the subjugation practice.
Everyone must be busy with last-minute preparations.
For me, knowing the future, it just feels strange.
They’ll all die anyway. These lives were living so diligently in the present.
Sitting side by side with Ethan on the bench, I handed him the magical ointment and bandage I had received from the dean.
He took the ointment, examined it, and started skillfully applying it to my cheek. Meanwhile, I gently closed my eyes.
“……”
“……”
Then, there was silence for a while. Because I had nothing else to say to him.
I’m not very talkative to begin with, and the problem was that this point in time was really unfamiliar to me.
It felt like I might choose the wrong topic no matter what I said.
‘…But how many times is he going to apply it?’
Perhaps due to the silence, Ethan’s hand kept applying the ointment excessively. Finally, I spoke first.
“…The mirror in my room is broken. Thank you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you suddenly apologizing?”
You didn’t break it, so why apologize?
“If you’re talking about the mirror in your room, that would be the one I broke.”
“…….”
…You broke it?
“Back then, you got angry and told me not to enter your room carelessly…”
“…….”
I did?
‘Why were you in my room in the first place?’
We’re not dating, nor are we even close.
I felt a strong urge to interrogate Ethan Behemoth, but since it seemed like a recent event in this timeline, I just nodded along vaguely.
Acting like I didn’t remember something that happened recently would seem suspicious.
“That’s… right.”
“Talking about the mirror reminded me. It seems I only make you angry. I’m sorry for that.”
…That’s not entirely true.
A vague memory of him from some past iteration surfaced, but denying his words would make the atmosphere awkward.
I nodded, saying something I didn’t really mean.
“Yes, your apology is accepted.”
“Then why don’t you relax your expression a bit?”
…My expression?
Did I unconsciously furrow my brow?
Ethan stopped applying the ointment and poked my forehead with his ointment-covered finger. This made my forehead damp with ointment too.
“Ugh. What are you doing?”
“I apologized, but I think the one trying to die in front of others was also in the wrong.”
“…No. Haahh…”
I sigh, having nothing to say.
As I narrowed my eyes, I realized Ethan’s face was suddenly much closer than before I closed them.
No, Ethan had actually thrust his face forward.
A not-unpleasant scent wafted over, and his sharp, neat features blinked once. He had a sculpted appearance with pale skin and soft black hair.
The only problem was that he was too close.
I saw myself reflected in his deep navy blue eyes.
I had unknowingly opened my eyes fully.
Ethan spoke in a low voice.
“So. Was trying to die in front of me a good thing to do?”
“…….”
His low voice made my ears tingle, and I involuntarily shrugged my shoulders.
Why is he suddenly like this?
“…Yes. Well. Let’s say I was in the wrong too.”
At my conceding tone, the Ethan Behemoth raised an eyebrow. But thankfully, instead of pressing further, he pulled his head back.
As he moved away, I stared blankly at his face, about two hand spans higher than mine. Ethan didn’t avert his gaze either, so our eyes remained locked for a while.
‘He is handsome, I’ll give him that.’
It’s hard to believe this beautiful face would later be called a war maniac.
His confession in the past had been so impulsive that I had accepted it just as impulsively.
His sharp jawline and straight nose were like a sculpture, and his build was more muscular than that of other knights his age, which were all worth looking at.
His handsome hands with prominently curved veins, tempting enough to want to overlap with, moved back and forth right in front of my eyes.
Sitting face to face with such a handsome person of the opposite sex while getting treated might normally create a tingling atmosphere.
‘But he’s just a kid.’
Ethan Behemoth is still a green boy.
I just closed my eyes again.
If I feel a bit lighter now, it’s just because I’m experiencing a rare new daily life, briefly escaping the familiar and tiresome cycle of events, scenery, and people I’ve repeated hundreds of times.
‘I also needed to consciously lift my spirits to endure.’
Isn’t my heart too numb now to hope for such sweet and light emotions?
My desire and awareness of ‘being alive’ had become so faint that I would newly perceive the existence of my heart only when it pounded strongly in surprise.
That’s why a goal I can be conscious of is truly an important pillar of life for me.
From a life where I couldn’t die, to a life where dying was meaningless because I’d just return to the past…
The goal of protecting my beloved family from the world’s calamities became the pillar of my long life.
And now, that role is replaced by the aim to completely end that cursed thing lurking in the subjugation area.
‘Can I do it?’
No, that’s a strange thing to say.
‘I must do it.’
Since it seems wrong to quickly end myself before the subjugation practice.
I looked at that troublemaker, the Behemoth young lord, with narrowed eyes.
Our gazes met, his deep and honest navy blue eyes.
As he held my cheek and blew on the wound, he whispered.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
🥀
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