I Will Disappear, Grand Duke

 

It felt like the back of his neck was being torn apart. Fernan, who opened his eyes, picked up the glass of water on the bedside table.

But his trembling hand soon dropped the glass. The sharp sound of it breaking filled the room.

Fernan, who had fully raised himself up, pressed his forehead with a hand where veins were bulging.

Looking around, he saw a strange bedroom he had never seen before. He couldn’t even remember when he had come to such a place.

Perhaps, like an idiot, he had collapsed again, and the knights had moved him here.

Fernan couldn’t tell how many days he hadn’t slept.

For months, he had been searching for Julia like a madman. He vaguely sensed that spring had just ended.

It had been half a year since Julia disappeared. Summer had come to the continent now.

But Fernan’s time was still stuck in the winter when Julia vanished.

Fernan bit his pale lips and stood up.

Even as he stepped on the broken glass pieces haphazardly, his face was simply dark, as if he couldn’t feel any pain.

Opening the door, he saw a small lobby below the railing across the hallway. It seemed to be an inn in the village they were searching.

“Your Highness, you’re awake? How are you feeling?”

A knight standing in front of the door quickly approached him. Then he widened his eyes at the sight of the bloodstains left in Fernan’s wake.

“Y-Your Highness, your foot is injured…”

“How many days have I been asleep?”

Fernan interrupted the knight and asked. The hesitating knight soon answered with his head bowed.

“Three days. But Your Highness, even that is not enough. You need to rest a little longer.”

Fernan leaned against the wall, closing and opening his nearly extinguished eyes. His head throbbed hotly as if someone had thrown a stone at it.

He let out a deep, boiling sigh and commanded in a rough voice.

“Bring me my clothes. We depart immediately.”

“But…”

The knight tried to dissuade him, but Fernan shut the door and turned away before he could finish speaking.

Eventually, the knight sighed silently and disappeared down the hallway.

Fernan left the inn in less than two hours.

Ignoring all the knights trying to stop him, he headed straight to the stable and mounted his horse.

He rode out without hesitation.

Despite his gaunt face and darkened eyes, his imposing body barely sustained his mental state.

The knights quickly followed after him. Soon the procession entered the mountain path leading to another country.

Fernan rode on, staring straight ahead. His empty gaze held nothing.

‘Your Highness…’

Suddenly, a voice echoed in his empty mind.

The gentle voice kept urging him not to stop.

‘…My name is Julia.’

For the first time, Fernan’s dark eyes regained focus. It was Julia’s voice.

As he tried to recall when that voice was from, his lips trembled slightly.

Yes, it was definitely in the banquet hall of the imperial palace where he first met her. The lunch meeting to meet his prospective bride.

‘Do you remember me? We met a long time ago…’

On the way back from the lunch, Julia had asked him if he remembered her.

And Fernan had just stared at her as if looking at something worthless and quietly muttered that he didn’t remember.

All trivial memories before the war had long been erased.

During the eight years of war, standing on the hill of corpses, he had thrown away all his humanity.

And back then, Julia, who had bitterly lowered her gaze, had slightly smiled as if saying it was okay.

That small smile had annoyed him. He thought that it would drive him crazy to see that smile all his life living with her.

Fernan gripped the reins tightly again. So he had hurt Julia so much.

Because he didn’t want to see her smile. He wanted her to leave him of her own accord.

He declared to her not to expect anything from him as a husband because she meant nothing to him.

“…Ha.”

Fernan abruptly stopped his horse. The weight of all his past mistakes filled his mind, making it impossible to move forward.

His lips trembled involuntarily. When he finally looked up and gripped the reins, something white caught his eye.

A wildflower blooming under a shady tree. So white and delicate it was barely visible.

It was the lily of the valley, which Julia had said she liked.

“…Damn it.”

Fernan spat out a curse as if vomiting.

There was no time for this. He had to hurry. But with Julia’s voice and face filling his mind, he couldn’t move.

Every single past moment crushed him mercilessly.

Overwhelmed by emotions, he felt suffocated. It was as if someone was strangling him without mercy.

* * *

Meanwhile.

In what could be a long or short time, Julia had perfectly adapted to her new life.

Unlike the past, when she lived just to endure each day, now every day was peaceful.

Julia’s routine in the monastery was simple.

In the morning, she spent time with the children. After that, she attended the afternoon mass and helped Gabriel prepare meals afterward.

Of course, helping was just a bit of assistance.

“Oh, you don’t have to help every time.”

Gabriel said, watching Julia diligently chop onions. Julia, slightly squinting her stinging eyes, replied.

“It’s okay. I don’t have anything else to do in the afternoon anyway.”

Gabriel had greatly helped Julia adapt to the monastic life.

Gabriel treated Julia like her own daughter and gave her abundant affection.

In that warmth, Julia quickly melted.

Being with Gabriel made her heart feel at ease for no particular reason.

“By the way, I heard you made the flower arrangements for the chapel?”

Gabriel, as if suddenly remembering, asked while stirring the stew. Julia nodded without stopping her knife.

“Yes, I made it once before, and Cedric suggested decorating the chapel with it.”

Recently, Julia had found a new hobby. Making decorations with flowers from the garden.

Originally, she only helped the gardener tend the flower beds, but it felt wasteful to discard the remaining flowers.

Even though the stems were sticking out, the flowers themselves were intact, so she thought of using them somehow.

With permission, she took the discarded flowers and started making various things. Wreaths, corsages, and bouquets.

She made all sorts of things as her hands guided her, and the finished products were better than expected.

“The chapel, which used to be dull, is now very bright. I didn’t know you had such a talent.”

“Thank you. I plan to make more from time to time.”

Julia shyly but proudly smiled.

Finding things she wanted to do little by little was enjoyable.

Sometimes she cut her hands and got hurt, but even that was fine.

After helping Gabriel with dinner, she always took a walk around the monastery.

The meadow at sunset was very beautiful.

Knowing that she enjoyed walking as a routine, Cedric also came out with her every evening.

As if they had made a promise, the two spent their evenings together.

“Soon, I’ll have to be away for a while.”

While they were chatting casually, Cedric suddenly changed the subject. Julia tilted her head and asked.

“Why?”

“The High Priest will be visiting the Ilion Temple soon. All the priests must attend this major event, so I can’t avoid it.”

Cedric had been staying at the monastery for several months, saying he would stay with Julia until she adapted.

But he was still a priest of the Ilion Temple, so it was difficult for him to stay away for so long.

“I see. Have a safe trip. Oh, can you say hello to Mateus for me?”

Julia asked, looking up at him quietly.

Since the Ilion Temple was close to the empire, it had been a while since she last saw Mateus.

She couldn’t visit recklessly in case someone recognized her face.

“Yes, I will.”

Cedric nodded obediently. After that, the two walked in silence for a while.

The front yard, which had been glowing with sunset, was now dark.

Finishing their short walk, they turned to go back to the quarters.

As they entered the entrance, Cedric suddenly spoke again.

“Julia, if you don’t mind…”

Just as Cedric was about to ask something, he stopped in his tracks.

Looking back, he saw Julia a few steps behind, frowning and clutching her chest.

“Julia?”

At Cedric’s call, Julia collapsed to the ground as if crumbling.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere?”

Startled, Cedric quickly approached and supported Julia’s body.

But Julia, with a pained expression, couldn’t answer and just trembled.

Suddenly, her heart felt like it was being torn apart.

“Ah…”

Julia curled up, barely able to breathe. The divine power was pounding her heart madly.

In an instant, Cedric, whose mind went blank, urgently grabbed her shoulders.

He tried to heal her by summoning his divine power, but it was no use.

The light didn’t penetrate Julia’s body and vanished into thin air.

Meanwhile, Julia’s pain only worsened. Unconsciously, she gripped Cedric’s collar tightly.

It felt like something hot was surging from her chest, and she couldn’t bear it.

“Ugh…”

Covering her mouth as nausea rose from her core, Julia bowed her head.

Blood trickled down through her fingers.