As I left the teahouse, I decided to walk home, although it was a bit far. I needed to organize my thoughts while walking.
I wish I had been a negligible existence in this novel’s world, not even a supporting character. Then, at Least, I would have led my own life. Instead, I ended up living as the author intended, becoming an unnecessarily important character.
Everything seemed suspicious. Even this current thought I was having—was it the author’s intention?
However, doubting didn’t bring a clear resolution. All I could do now was continue to live as “Bianca Uranos,” doing my best as I always had.
I didn’t know when the end would come for me. Therefore, every moment of breathing was too precious to waste on trivial matters. I had no time to waste on nonsense. I had decided to conclude my life as “Bianca Uranos” without regrets before my impending end.
I pondered as I walked. What was the one thing I wanted to do the most?
The most wanted thing Suddenly, it didn’t come to mind.
I tried to recall who I was.
I had lived as a dignified noble, upholding my grace. As the sole heiress of the Uranos Viscount, I had the obligation to marry and bear children to continue the family line.
…Then, should I have a child first?
I shook my head vigorously at that thought. No, no. I should think about something for myself, not just for the family! Continuing the family line could be done by someone else in the bloodline, like my cousins. It was an important matter, but not the top priority.
What was my identity? What role did I play in this world?
Heiress of the family? A prominent figure in high society? The forbidden lovechild of our parents?
Who am I, really?
If I removed all social positions and roles, Leaving only my pure self, what kind of existence would remain?
From there, it seemed I could think of the first thing I should do before I died. What would my pure self be like without any expectations of a role?
Sadly, I could soon find that answer.
The time I spent waiting for Ares Stanley by the teahouse window was the only time I lived as my pure self, without any expectations or roles. It wasn’t because I thought I could help him or receive something from him; it was simply following my emotions. Even though now it turns out that those emotions weren’t truly mine but rather set by the author, at Least until then, it was the purest version of myself.
Haha. Laughter escaped me. To think that the only time I lived as my true self in my 20 years of life was during the time I sat in a teahouse.
But isn’t it somewhat admirable? The time I was most myself was when I was in love. Ah! It sounds like a passage from a literary work!
As I thought about the end of my life approaching, life itself seemed remarkably simple. In the first place, there was no need to complicate things so much; it seemed I had lived too complicated a life.
Now, let’s go back to the beginning and think again. What is the one thing I want to do the most before I die?
Thinking simplistically, I wanted to love. Whether it was Ares Stanley, my parents, or friends, the thing I desired most was to love people.
Was I such an affectionate person? In my forced self-reflection before facing death, I discovered that I was quite fond of people.
Upon closer inspection, the sense of duty to continue the family line was driven by the desire to make those around me happy.
Yes. To make the most of the time I have left, I decided to love people. To generously share my feelings with my family, the servants of the family, and my friends.
And to love Ares Stanley in my purest form.
Unlike others, I planned to quietly organize my feelings without expressing them. He is the male Lead, destined for a happy ending with the heiress Leia Saturanos. There’s no need for me to make a fuss, as I would only become a jealous incarnation of evil, as portrayed in the original novel.
Sigh. My thoughts cleared, and after deciding how to move forward, I felt relieved.
Walking from the busy district to my home, I felt extremely exhausted upon my return.
However, it was rather better that the body was tired. Without any chance for unnecessary and complicated thoughts, I hurriedly washed up and went to bed.
***
The next morning, I felt remarkably different. Even though it was a new morning as usual, today felt different somehow. Perhaps it was because my feelings had changed.
Actually, it was a bit strange.
Even if I hadn’t met the ‘writer’ yesterday, I knew that people eventually die. Nevertheless, I lived as if my day to die was still far away. No, to be honest, I lived without even recognizing the concept of death.
I suddenly felt foolish. Since I, like anyone else, would eventually die, knowing it a bit earlier wouldn’t change anything.
That probably meant I had been living too complacently all this time.
I went down to the restaurant and started breakfast with my parents as usual.
Suddenly, even these trivial daily routines felt incredibly precious. I was truly foolish. I had been spending these precious moments without any meaning.
I laughed continuously and led the conversation. I thought I was behaving as usual, but suddenly, my father asked me something with an uneasy tone.
“Bianca, is there something going on with you?”
Internally, I felt embarrassed. Did I make it so obvious? I didn’t intend to exaggerate my actions; I just wanted to cherish this moment a bit more. Was it too awkward?
I tried to control my expression and mumbled, “Nothing’s going on. I just feel a bit good today. I guess my mood lifted with the arrival of spring.”
Translators: Stardust. Read on moonlight novels only
My father still looked at me suspiciously, but he seemed to accept my improvised explanation and didn’t press further.
Phew, let’s not overdo it. Just be myself. Act calmly.
Returning to my room, I prepared to go to the salon, where peers gathered.
Maintaining a place in the social scene was not easy. There were many places to put my face and many places to seek. I always had to be busy, going around.
Although I thought it might be okay to throw all this away and quietly spend my time when I was about to die, I inherently liked people. To end my life in the most authentic way, it was right to always be among people.
My personal maid, Miranda, asked me in her usual blunt tone as she sat in front of the dressing table, “What hairstyle would you like today?”
I thought carefully. What should I go for today?
Then, I remembered that Miranda, with her chic demeanor, was the type who subtly took good care of me.
“Today, do as you wish.”
Miranda’s face frowned. Well, the most difficult choice in the world is probably saying, ‘Do as you wish.’
“Okay, then. I’ll just brush it naturally.”
Oh well. I told her to do as she pleased, and she decided not to do anything. Whatever it is, it’s fine.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
Her expression strangely changed, as if she was seeing a ghost or something.
As I raised my eyebrows, as if asking what the problem was, she began to gently brush my jet-black hair, her head slightly lowered.
With my eyes naturally closing during the pleasant brushing, I recalled what Miranda liked.
Miranda, one year younger than me, started working as a maid early to support her family’s living expenses. It had been three years since she became my personal maid, right after my debut in high society.
She had a somewhat materialistic side, which was understandable. Born into a poor family, she has been earning a living by doing all sorts of odd jobs since she was young. The salary she received from being my maid probably mostly went into covering her living expenses. It was rare to see her buy something for herself.
Despite her seemingly indifferent and chic appearance, she was, in fact, quite deep and complex.
Since it was evident that she wouldn’t answer directly if I asked openly, I thought it would be good to do something based on the characteristics I had grasped about her before I die.
…But should I ask her once?
“Do you have something you want? Speak before I change my mind. I’ll buy you one thing.”
As expected, Miranda’s expression, visible through the mirror, seemed awkward, as if she found the question strange. However, she didn’t stop brushing.
“Well, I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Really? Okay.”
Looking at me through the mirror, Miranda asked, “You’re acting a bit strange today. Why is that?”
Ugh. I really can’t act well. I got caught by my father earlier, and now it’s Miranda.
“Just… maybe I felt the spring breeze. So, tell me quickly. Don’t miss my caprice.”
Miranda, who had been looking at me with a slightly suspicious gaze, finally spoke.
“…I also want to try wearing an evening dress.”
I had a moment of blank expression.
Even she, who was always busy making ends meet, hadn’t realized that she was also a woman of my age. How much did she long for it while watching me always be adorned and attend parties?
“I see. Well, then, let’s go out together when I go. We can stop by a dress shop,” I replied with a cheerful voice, trying to hold back the warmth building in my eyes.
