Despite having noticed Retina following him from the banquet hall, Herald did not stop. He continued on through the corridors and into the garden, never once looking back.
“Why do you keep following me? I have nothing to say to you right now.”
Entering a secluded area where no one else could be seen, Herald abruptly stopped. Retina, who had followed him, stopped a few steps away and faced him.
“I needed to speak with you. I felt that if I didn’t do it today, I might not have another chance to talk with Your Highness.”
“Couldn’t we discuss this later when I go to the Duke’s residence? You will also be visiting the palace frequently in the future.”
“…….”
Retina silently watched the Crown Prince, who seemed to feign ignorance of her words. Despite knowing everything, he did not ask her for details.
A heavy silence settled between them, growing longer and more uncomfortable. It was Herald who became increasingly agitated as the silence dragged on.
“…When did this start?”
He clenched his empty hands tightly, his voice strained with pain.
“When did you start thinking of leaving me? Was it when you revealed your secret to everyone? While we were together? Or was it even before that?”
His voice was tinged with anguish, his face twisted with feelings of betrayal.
“Your Highness—”
“Was I so untrustworthy that you had to learn about your lover’s departure through others? Did you plan to withhold this from me until right before leaving Rudenheim?”
Herald’s eyes, filled with a mix of hurt and anger, searched Retina’s face for answers. The rawness of his emotions was palpable, his words cutting through the air like sharp blades.
“It’s a misunderstanding. I wasn’t trying to hide anything. I intended to tell you later, once I was sure of my feelings.”
“Later. Is there even a future in your heart where I’m included?”
Herald took a step back as Retina approached him, seemingly avoiding any further closeness. His actions indicated he did not want her near.
Retina halted at his rejection and lowered her head.
“Why should it matter if it ends this way? You were always going to leave anyway.”
“Even so, parting like this isn’t right. I meant to tell you before the meeting, but circumstances prevented it…”
“Please don’t bother explaining to me. Were you not planning to tell me at all?”
Herald raised a hand to silence Retina, his eyes cold and filled with betrayal, pain, and anger where affection used to be.
“Then, are you saying we won’t see each other again like this? Are you saying it’s okay for us to part ways like this?”
“You were the one who abandoned me first.”
“It’s not abandonment. I just wanted to explain when I was sure of my own feelings.”
“Decide? When exactly? Do you even know what I felt when I heard from the nobles that you were going to the North?”
Herald frowned deeply, clutching his chest tightly. No matter what Retina said, it only seemed like an excuse to him now. It felt like a fool for having prepared so eagerly to meet his lover again after returning to the Duke’s residence.
“You claim we were nothing to each other. You were just a friend of the Deneuve family, and that’s why you were concerned about me?”
“I said that to avoid causing trouble for you. Revealing our relationship there without your consent would have put you in a difficult position. If I admitted it, the rumors circulating would have become true.”
“If I cared about those rumors, I wouldn’t have let you into my bedroom in the first place!”
Struggling to suppress the overwhelming emotions, Herald raised his voice, unable to contain his frustration any longer.
Immediately regretting his outburst, he buried his head in his hands, but the flood of feelings did not easily subside.
“You said you’d leave and never come back. You’re a Duke now, and you have a duty to your people, your family. Even those you’ve never met are considered family, it seems. But I guess I wasn’t considered family.”
As he continued speaking through clenched teeth, his throat trembled with suppressed anger.
“You should have at least given me a hint. If you had told me that you might leave Rudenheim, I could have thought things through. I believed you when you said you’d stay by my side no matter what, even when I was anxious about you possibly going to the North. I was reassured, thinking you would never leave me. How foolish of me.”
Having vented all his pent-up rage, the resignation that had been hidden beneath surfaced. It was his true anxiety about whether Retina would leave him without a word.
“To promise to stay together for a lifetime…”
“Your Highness—”
“Have you ever truly loved me, even once?”
Herald’s eyes, wounded by his lover’s betrayal, were bloodshot. Tears welled up in his eyes, streaming down his face in heavy droplets.
When Herald realized that his unwavering trust in Retina’s love was actually a delusion, the shock, confusion, and sorrow that followed were beyond words. The world, which had once lifted him from darkness to light, now seemed to abandon him entirely, leaving him unable to accept the harsh reality.
“I love you. I still love you, Your Highness. But there are too many responsibilities behind both of us for love alone to sustain our lives.”
“If you still have even a little bit of love for me, then don’t go. Don’t abandon me.”
“We were never meant to be together from the start. We need to correct this mistake now, even if it’s too late.”
“No, there’s no such thing as a wrong relationship. Even if it seems impossible, I will fix it. I’ll make sure to place you as the Empress, no matter what it takes.”
“……”
Retina kept silent, trying to persuade him as if pleading. She bit her lip, holding back tears as she watched his.
“I’m sorry.”
“How can I make you stay? Should I give up everything I have? Give up the position of Crown Prince? Or should I kneel and beg you?”
“Don’t do that.”
Retina grabbed the Crown Prince as he tried to kneel in front of her. Her face, watching him lose his composure and cling to her, was also filled with sorrow.
Even though her feelings of love were so vivid, saying goodbye to her lover was a pain as if her flesh was being torn apart.
“What if you have a seizure?”
Unable to hold back her tears, Retina wiped the Crown Prince’s eyes and tried to calm him down. She worried that he might complain of headaches or have a seizure, given that he hadn’t had one since spending time with her.
“I’m in pain. What if I have another seizure? I can’t do without you.”
Herald grabbed Retina’s wrist as she took his temperature. His usually reassuring, strong hand felt like that of a frightened child.
“……My mind won’t change.”
Momentarily shaken, Retina steadied her resolve. She placed her palm on the back of his hand and freed her wrist from his grasp. Despite his strong grip, she easily slipped out of his hold.
With tears welling up, Retina turned away, biting her lip so hard it bled. Herald did not try to stop her as she left the garden.
As Retina retraced her steps, she wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks, which were betraying her emotions despite her intent to stay composed.
She was the one who wanted to be with him more than anyone else. Although there are no beautiful farewells in this world, parting with the Crown Prince was especially painful.
It was never easy to turn away someone who was pleading with her, having laid down his pride. However, they would be suspected if they both stayed away for too long, so she had to return to the banquet hall before it was too late.
Before leaving the garden, Retina dried her tears completely and composed her face, which was marred by pain and sorrow. As the Duke representing Raglaras, she could not show weakness in a hostile environment where everyone was eager to undermine her.
Retina returned to the building looking just as she had when she first left the banquet hall. Leaving behind her identity as the Deneuve lady in the garden, she went back to where the Duke of Ignis was waiting for her.
Walking forward on the crimson carpet, she was as white as the northern frost. Thus ended the relationship with the Crown Prince, which she had felt she could never let go of.
