“Episode 56”
“Having a wife who doesn’t disdain, blame, or ridicule him, how much of a blessing it is. Yuliana Obman was the one who occasionally stirred extreme emotions in him. When she smiled faintly, even if it was mockery, he had to hold his trembling heart for a moment, and when he heard even a mildly reproachful word, he had to bury his heart in misery.
Yet, it was good. She was the woman who gave him a standard for living, however insignificant his life might have been. So, even her reproaches were embraced, and he had to live with them. And he had to win this war to become someone who could be of some help to her.
“Yuliana…”
Approaching her, he embraced her as if crumbling. She felt solid, as if she were real. Tears streamed down her frozen cheeks. ‘Evan Hilchen’ buried his face in Yuliana’s shoulder.
Still ringing in his ears, those voices, those voices… They were all familiar reproaches from his wife.
“What big help can you be to me?”
“I hate bastards. Whatever you do, even if it brings you honor, I won’t like it. Even if you gain that honor alive, if you die, well…”
Her mocking voice, her cold eyes. He hadn’t expected to see such images from her.
But he blamed himself for her memories, for making Evan Hilchen disappear from her memories. After the painful failure, he had no choice but to continue using the failed method to survive. ‘Evan Hilchen’ held her tighter as he lamented his continued use of the failed method.
“Yuliana, I missed you.”
“Already?”
“Huh?”
“I’ve been with you until just now.”
Yuliana gently smiled as she stroked his frozen cheek.
He awkwardly chuckled at the thought of her comforting him.
He thought it might be a dream shown just before death. Or perhaps those ignorant sorcerers had cast the curse wrongly…
‘Even Hilchen’ whispered affectionately to his hallucination. Tears fell from his eyes onto hers.
“I’ll soon disappear. Just a memory abandoned by Evan Hilchen. So leave me here. It was good to see you one last time.”
“Are you still listening to my old voice? I’m here.”
Yuliana could hear her past self’s reproachful and insulting voice more loudly than the reality before her.
Yuliana raised her voice louder than that voice.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
And in that moment, unable to hold back the tears any longer, she burst into tears.
He had vaguely thought that his most wounded period would be his childhood.
But it wasn’t. His most painful and remembered period was during the war. The war that began with her insult.
Shuddering with guilt, Yuliana sobbed. And she hugged him tightly, unable to fully embrace his large body.
“Come with me. Come with me…”
“If I go back, Evan Hilchen might weaken.”
Evan was someone who routinely exposed vulnerabilities. Eventually, he became a vulnerability himself, but he couldn’t stop. His withdrawn mind was now unstoppable and whimpering.
“I can’t weaken. If I do…”
“But it’s okay! I told you. I’ve been with you until just now. So, I…”
‘Even Hilchen’ wiped away her tears flowing down her cheek more than his own tears.
“If I weaken, you’ll find me more boring. Then you won’t be able to stand it, Yuliana.”
“Don’t say such foolish things.”
Yuliana squeezed his cheek against hers.
Even a strong man like him was weakened by evidence. And so he was drawn to her. And Yuliana kissed ‘Even Hilchen’, proof of being drawn to him.
Yuliana, in her shock, bit her lip and licked it, trying her best to open his lips. It was quite a difficult journey because he didn’t open his lips due to shock.
After a few seconds, ‘Even Hilchen’ instinctively opened his lips. He extended his pointed tongue to wrap around her tongue. And he deeply covered her lips.
As the snow between them grew, Yuliana felt only the heat given by him on her skin, not feeling the cold. And when they finally parted lips and only stared into each other’s eyes, she whispered to him.
“Evan, I love you.”
“Is it still okay?”
“Huh?”
In disbelief, Evan closed his trembling eyes, barely managing to speak.
“Is there such a reality? A reality where I can love you…”
It hurt her heart.
Evan’s love had always been unnecessary for the past Yuliana Obman. After her mother left, the past Yuliana, who survived alone by erasing even Evan Hilchen from her memories, saw all of Evan Hilchen’s affections as insincere.
Would Yuliana Obman, who was consumed by manipulating people’s hearts and who never truly accepted her mistakes, eventually come to accept them like this?
Yuliana trembled as she pressed her trembling lips against his once again.
“I, I already know what it’s like not to receive your love in such a reality.”
Evan gently pressed his forehead against hers.
For the first time, ‘Evan Hilchen’ who wanted to escape from here, shook his head. Even if this choice would eventually make him weaker, he wanted to go back.
“Yuliana, my lady. I’ll go back.”
Yuliana smiled warmly as she buried her face in his chest.
“Yeah, okay. Let’s go, together…”
And Yuliana held Evan’s hand.
They would soon return to the warm spring. Evan would accept even the memories he had discarded, and Yuliana would remember that she had saved him for the first time…
As Sharo watched them come back completely, she broke out in a cold sweat. No matter how hard she tried, Lady Countess couldn’t salvage the memory loss, because it was too difficult to salvage.
“Is it because of my lack of strength?”
Sharo, who had pondered this many times, often ran with short steps.
Each person’s memory incinerator was different, but the Countess’s incinerator was like a scorching hot summer. In the lush forest where green leaves sparkled under the relentless sun, Sharo jumped around, trying to find the missing memories she had overlooked.
It wasn’t good to stay in someone else’s incinerator for too long. The therapist’s ego could inadvertently mix with the memories of the person being treated.
Despite her best efforts to search every nook and cranny in time, Sharo ultimately found nothing. She sat down near a stream, overcome with sadness.
“Sigh…
The confluence of memories was so different. Memories that should not be intertwined were tightly bound together, making it difficult to discern what was lost. It was as if there was another person living a different life…
“Ah!”
Sharo jerked her arm away, feeling something gnawing at her, not just a shallow hole common in memory loss but a massive void deep enough to engulf even the therapist herself, residing within the Duchess’s mind.
“What is this?”
Sharo trembled, feeling a sense of fear. She had assisted priests who experienced memory loss due to magical experiments many times before, but this was something she had never seen. She recoiled as she faced the enormous void that seemed to suck her in.
In that moment, the idyllic forest that Sharo had always thought of as a beautiful place turned sinister. The bright sunlight vanished quickly, replaced by accumulating darkness. Sharo screamed in terror and fled from the Duchess’s memories.
“Huff, huff…”
With the sound of Sharo’s terrified screams fading away, she found herself back in reality. The dim night had passed, and the morning sun streaming in through the window was the only thing illuminating the room. Sharo, still confused, murmured to herself.
“Duchess… who are you?”
She gazed at the unfamiliar presence with puzzled eyes, feeling as if she were looking at an incomprehensible entity. And she decided to stay by her side until she woke up.
There were too many questions to ask.
***
Evan woke up with a feeling of deep sleep. It had been a long time since the protective barrier his wife had cast on him had been lifted, and it felt good to move freely. He looked back at his wife, who was sleeping peacefully beside him.
In the scattered fragments of his returning consciousness, Evan realized that the memories he had once discarded had returned. It was a day in his youth when he thought he could simply discard messy emotions. Now, his wife, who had pleaded with him to come back and offered to help him, lay sleeping beside him.
Evan accepted the overwhelming affection that surged within him. She was so lovable that he could hardly breathe.
Gently kissing his wife’s cheek, Evan stroked her hair with his hand. Yuliana must have felt his touch because she twitched and leaned her forehead against his arm. Evan raised his head slowly, meeting Sharo’s gaze, who stood silently by the bed.
“Priest.”
Evan’s calm voice filled the room. Without even glancing at his wife, who had been his sole focus, he grasped her red hair in his hand.
It was a gesture of profound reverence, as if touching something extremely precious. Even priests who worshipped the gods might find such devotion difficult to achieve. Sharo felt a pang of guilt as if she had witnessed an intimate moment between the couple.
Ignoring Sharo, Evan spoke calmly.
“I thought you would return once the task was done. I suspected you might run away to the Pope.”
“What did I do wrong? It was you who owed me! Without me, how could the Duchess have her mind treated?”
“Isn’t that what you contracted with Yuliana? To help her, and also to seek the help of the House of Lords. So please answer me properly. Did you fail to save her?”
Sharo closed her eyes, her mouth full of tangled words.
“My lack of divine power caused this. The loss of memory was deeper than I thought…”
No, all these answers were lies. Unable to withstand Evan’s stern gaze, Sharo eventually spoke the truth.
“The Duchess is different from ordinary people.”
“What do you mean?”
Evan spoke softly. Sensing his confusion, Sharo quickly continued.
“The Duchess’s mind is distinctly different. Normally, a person only has one life. Just as life is given by the gods, a person should only have one life. But the Duchess has something foreign mixed in her mind. Humans only have one life, but the Duchess has both her current life and past lives. So, what do you call that? Reincarnation. That’s what it is. But, it’s impossible. Ereonora said that humans are precious because life is singular. Only non-humans can return to life. So, does that mean the Duchess is not human?”
“Hush.”
