Follow Your Heart

Who Are You?

Roderick Ferus Blarec.

It was taboo to call the king’s middle name.

However, most Cayenne citizens knew his name.

The reigning beast. That was the King’s nickname and, in essence, his name.

But the King had another nickname.

The mad beast.

It was whispered among the nobles, and its origin was, of course, his madness.

Lee-Jae and her maids were out early in the morning. The King and his knights were departing on a two to three-day hunting trip.

The royal family owned a private hunting ground, and many kings throughout history had enjoyed this activity. However, historically, no King had gone hunting as frequently as Roderick.

Roderick knew he had a particular madness within him, and sometimes he tried to alleviate the destructive urges that surged uncontrollably through hunting.

However, Lee-Jae, standing at a distance, looked anxious. Her feelings were complex.

The King might indeed be better off leaving the castle. His bedroom was practically a haunted house or a graveyard.

But Lee-Jae had something else she wanted to say.

You shouldn’t engage in killing. Especially right now.

But how absurd would this Buddhist-like statement sound to him and his knights?

It might even seem pious.

‘Why am I so worried about this?’

He was truly a person who caused concern in many ways.

Meanwhile, as Lee-Jae sighed, Roderick, who had finished his preparations, stared intently at her.

“Hailey Duncan.”

“Yes?”

When Hailey asked, he said.

“Don’t just stand there, come over here.”

However, despite his somewhat brusque tone, he turned his horse around and approached Hailey himself.

He couldn’t have known that she was pondering the Buddhist ten evils*. He seemed to be in a fairly good mood.

[*TN: The Buddhist ten evils are killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, flattery, defamation, deceitfulness, greed, anger, and foolishness or mistaken views]

It was understandable. His surroundings were much cleaner than inside the castle. The few spirits that were present quickly moved away as he approached Lee-Jae. She decided to put aside her worries and anxieties.

“Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

“…What do you mean?”

He let go of the reins and leaned slightly to one side.

“Like asking me to bring back something.”

Lee-Jae laughed. She had just been thinking about not killing, so hearing him say that was amusing.

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I have no interest in that sort of thing…”

“Then wish me a safe journey.”

Finally understanding his meaning, Lee-Jae nodded.

“Yes, please have a safe trip.”

“Alright.”

But Roderick still didn’t seem ready to leave.

He was staring at something and casually said,

“Don’t you have a handkerchief to tie to the reins?”

When Lee-Jae looked in the direction Roderick was gazing, she saw a maid tying a handkerchief to a knight’s bow.

The knight then leaned down from his horse and cupped the maid’s cheek, kissing her deeply without caring about the onlookers.

Seeing the overly affectionate scene, Lee-Jae slightly grimaced and looked up at the King. Interpreting her expression, Roderick added,

“I was just joking.”

“…”

“I also don’t want to get such a thing from my wife who has a lover.”

What did he really want to say?

Lee-Jae looked puzzled, and Jade, standing beside her, looked even more confused.

The King seemed to be picking a fight with the Queen, who was quietly standing there.

“You’ve gone quiet again.”

“…You said to not say ridiculous things.”

“Why did you leave out the rest? I also think it’s much better this way.”

Lee-Jae, who had nothing to say, responded moderately.

“I understand, so please go and come back safely. Don’t get hurt.”

And don’t go crazy. Please.

Lee-Jae bit back what she really wanted to say and took a step back from him.

When the Queen abruptly ended the conversation, the King chuckled. He had a genuinely amused expression, but it didn’t seem particularly unpleasant.

She could now sense it to some extent. The gap between his true nature and the behavior driven by the vengeful spirits was too great.

It might seem obvious, but it wasn’t. Vengeful spirits are drawn to people with negative thoughts, dark thoughts, and emotional wounds.

And at that moment, Roderick, who had been watching Lee-Jae, said,

“Don’t go near the water.”

“…”

It sounded like something one would say to a child, but it wasn’t.

When Lee-Jae’s expression hardened, and as she looked at him, his eyes, which had seemed lazy just a moment ago, were now sharply focused on her.

Lee-Jae realized that this was what he really wanted to say.

The King was warning her not to die recklessly.

Lee-Jae silently nodded.

“I’m leaving.”

“…”

As the King struck the reins, his knights followed behind him.

 

* * *

 

「February 7, 499

My father told me to marry His Majesty the King.

I love Lawrence.

Does my father not love me either?

I don’t want to die.」

 

Lee-Jae was reading Hailey’s diary again today. It was dated three months ago.

She had half given up reading Hailey’s diary in order, as the entries were too brief and unfriendly. It seemed that Hailey was quite considerate of the paper, writing very sparingly now.

“You didn’t want to die, but then why did you die, you fool?”

With her lips twisted, Lee-Jae covered her diary and put it back in her study drawer. She got up from her seat and stared out the window.

“…”

Although she felt sorry for her, Kang Lee-Jae was a fatalist at heart.

Humans cannot escape the fate and fortune given to them.

They might avoid minor troubles, but they cannot change the major course of their lives.

Hailey Duncan had written that she did not want to die, but she died because it was her fate. Cold as it may seem, the fatalist Lee-Jae thought so.

Amor Fati. Love your destiny.

There was a concept of destiny in the world.

And they say to love even the hardships and trials that come with it.

But that is something they can say because they cannot ‘predict’ exactly ‘what’ hardships will come and ‘how much’ it would impact a person.

How many people can love their fate knowing the exact depth of the pain that awaits them?

Lee-Jae, who had never once affirmed her own fate, left the study with a somewhat bitter expression. Immediately, her maids and guards followed her.

Lee-Jae asked Deborah.

“I want to take a walk. Is that okay?”

“Is there a specific place you would like to go, Your Majesty?”

“No, not really. I just want to wander around aimlessly.”

Then Deborah smiled sweetly.

“Her Majesty can go anywhere in the castle. If His Majesty were here, you could even go to his chambers.”

Sensing that Deborah was making an adult joke, Lee-Jae laughed and waved her hand. 

“Oh, I don’t want to go there.”

The people who followed then listened attentively. Deborah, who had been joking to test the Queen, asked.

“Why is that?”

“It’s just… a bit scary, I guess.”

Who would enjoy a walk to a haunted place? I’m not a YouTuber.

Lee-Jae glossed over it in that sense, but people understood it in a different sense and nodded.

It made sense that the King would be scary.

In the end, Lee-Jae wandered around the palace without a clear destination and stopped at a well-maintained garden. In the middle of the garden was a large pond, as big as a decent-sized house.

Then she remembered what Roderick had said.

‘Don’t go near the water.’

While staring at the lake, Lee-Jae sat down on a flower bed some distance away. She muttered to herself in a voice too low for anyone else to hear.

“Even if you push me, I wouldn’t go near the water in the first place.”

But as she couldn’t take her eyes off the pond, she suddenly felt a chill run down her spine. 

It wasn’t an ominous feeling, but rather an overwhelmingly powerful presence.

“…”

Lee-Jae felt a deep resentment towards the wide field of human vision. Despite staring straight ahead, she could see a large white horse to her right.

It was maddening, and now the man was dismounting from the white horse and sitting next to her. It was the large Western spirit she had seen during the wedding ceremony.

“…”

 – …

The spirits that followed Roderick were numerous, but none were as powerful as this one. Even the deity that Granny Yeongsan served was not this strong. Overwhelmed by its presence, Lee-Jae froze.

Should she just get up and leave? That would be the best option.

Lee-Jae glanced around and saw that the maids and knights were standing a short distance away, either watching her or enjoying the scenery.

Just as she was about to stand up and join them, the Western spirit spoke.

– Can you see me?

Why are you talking to me as if it’s the most natural thing?

I’m a human, and you’re a spirit. Even guardian spirits are spirits!

Our worlds are completely different, so stop crossing the line whenever you feel like it!

Lee-Jae closed her eyes tightly. However, that seemed to be the answer, as she heard a chuckle from beside her.

-You’re not actually Hailey Duncan, are you?

“…”

– Roderick is coming now.

Lee-Jae tried her best to pretend she hadn’t heard.

– He seems to be badly injured. I wonder what he’ll do since he doesn’t have an heir yet.

At those words, Lee-Jae jumped to her feet.

Unable to decide what to do, Lee-Jae hurried towards Deborah.

Then she heard a mocking voice from behind her.

– See? You can hear everything.

Furious, Lee-Jae turned around. A certain aura emanated from her.

“Are you making a joke? About an actual human life? Do you think humans are so insignificant?!”

The blue-eyed spirit shrugged and displayed its power, raising its eyes.

“If this is not a joke, then…”

– …

“It’s not like I can do anything about it.”

Lee-Jae immediately backed down and rushed towards Deborah, leaving the spirit’s laughter echoing behind her, audible only to her.

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