Falling To Paradise

“Do you need anything? Are your clothes too tight? Shall I pat your back?”

 

Inside Aiden, two personas clashed violently.

 

On the one hand, he didn’t want to show Anje this miserable and weak side of himself. He wanted to appear to her as a strong and steadfast man, a knight and a soldier.

 

On the other hand, he was grateful that she had appeared at this moment when he felt like he was going to die, and that she hadn’t turned away. He wanted to depend on her.

 

Finally, his emotions overwhelmed his reason due to the continuous shortness of breath and flashbacks that lasted for several minutes. He reached out his hand without thinking.

 

“My-My hand.”

 

“Do you want me to hold your hand?”

 

She willingly took his hand, which was drenched in cold sweat. She held it firmly, tightly, so that he could feel her warmth.

 

If it could ease his pain, which was extreme at first glance, she could do more than just hold his hand.

 

Focusing on her warmth in his palm, he came to his senses a little. He felt as if the fear that had approached him had taken a step back because of her.

 

She too noticed this change. And she began to stroke his back, wondering if increasing the area of contact with him would further improve his condition.

 

“Tell me if you need anything. I’ll help you.”

 

He almost burst into tears. Since returning to Leslie and living alone, he had never felt the need for someone.

 

Even when seizures came and tormented him, he would just grit his teeth, scratch the floor, and silently wait for it to get better.

 

But now, someone he had never expected was trying to offer him comfort and solace.

 

Both the hands that stroked him in comfort and the hands that held his firmly were overflowing with affection he had not expected.

 

‘This is not a dangerous place.’

 

He felt a little more relieved by her presence, which he felt through his skin. The reality that had been slipping away from him washed back over him like a wave. The sounds of the prison camp that had been lingering in his ears also gradually faded away.

 

He tried to calm his hyperventilation by slowly repeating deep breaths. And Anje followed him, taking deep breaths in and out.

 

“Whew, ha. Yeah, you’re doing well.”

 

Wouldn’t it help him return to normal breathing if someone breathed with him? Like a midwife who breathes with a mother in labor.

 

It was something she had gleaned from her not-so-extensive medical knowledge, but the method actually helped.

 

It was easier to follow someone else’s breathing than to try to find a normal breathing rhythm on his own.

 

As his panicked breathing subsided, the chills and convulsions that had been dominating his body gradually disappeared.

 

“You don’t look okay at all.”

 

He was covered in sweat and his face was pale. Anje took out a handkerchief and carefully wiped Aiden’s face.

 

“It would be better if you lie down comfortably on your back and rest a little more. Oh, is the floor uncomfortable because it’s the ground? I can put your head on my lap.”

 

“No! That’s, that’s really okay. I’m more comfortable on the floor.”

 

Anje, who was about to offer her lap, handed him her bag instead.

 

“Then use this as a pillow.”

 

“Yes…”

 

He really wanted to decline. He was embarrassed to have caused her trouble when he came to his senses, and he was so sorry.

 

But seeing the worry and concern in her eyes as she looked at him, he decided to rest a little longer until he was completely better. If he forced himself to go outside and collapsed again, she would be even more surprised.

 

“Would you like me to stroke you again?”

 

Aiden thought for a moment and then nodded quietly. The seizure had already subsided, but but he liked the feeling of her hands stroking him.

 

Just for a little while, just until he was fully recovered, he would let himself be spoiled. The sudden seizure had shaken him to his core.

 

He felt her hand caressing his hair and slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

A faint scent of mint wafted from somewhere.

 

* * *

 

When Aiden opened his eyes again, it was already dusk, and the market had long since closed.

 

Their day ended with just visiting the central store to buy the necessary items and picking up the letter for Anje.

 

Looking around the town now shrouded in darkness, Aiden spoke apologetically.

 

“Because of me, you didn’t get to see much of the town. It’s your first time here.”

 

Anje waved her hand dismissively.

 

“It’s not like there was anywhere I particularly wanted to go.”

 

After all, her only purpose in visiting this place was to return to the capital by wagon.

 

“It’s a good thing we were able to get your clothes fitted before the stores closed.”

 

“Yeah… haha.”

 

Anje let out an awkward laugh and scratched the bridge of her nose. Her conscience, which she didn’t even know existed, was pricking her.

 

‘This damn conscience.’

 

Her conscience was the problem, both at the drapery store and in the barn.

 

In fact, she could have run away while Aiden was asleep if she had wanted to.

 

In fact, she had agonized endlessly over whether or not to run away while he was asleep, with his eyes tightly shut.

 

But every time she stopped stroking his hair, she was bothered by the fact that he was frowning in pain even in his sleep.

 

As a result, she sat there the whole time, unable to move from his side. Constantly stroking his silvery hair.

 

She only realized today that there were streaks of black in his hair here and there. Even though he was someone she saw every day, there weren’t many opportunities to observe him calmly from this close distance.

 

‘What I learned about him today isn’t just the color of his hair.’

 

She glanced at him sideways as he prepared the horse and carriage.

 

Neither of them mentioned what had happened earlier, as if they had silently agreed not to. His usual expression and behavior made the recent events seem like a dream to her.

 

If not for the faint scent of mint lingering on the hem of her skirt from the spilled bottle, she might not have believed it.

 

‘Does he have a chronic illness?’

 

The way he looked in pain earlier was so serious that it was hard to believe that he was the normally healthy Aiden she knew.

 

Was his insistence that she take her cod liver oil daily because of his own health issues?

 

Anje felt an urge to ask about his condition, but such personal matters were not something she could easily inquire about.

 

“Here, take my hand.”

 

“Oh, yes. Thank you.”

 

Aiden noticed the curiosity on her face but silently helped her into the carriage first.

 

It was difficult to talk about the secret he had been hiding all along. It was even more difficult when it was a dark secret related to his own guilt, pain, and fear.

 

He needed an atmosphere where he could comfortably talk about his past. He also needed the courage to accept her reaction calmly, no matter what it might be once she knew his circumstances.

 

It was only after the carriage had traveled far from town and the stars began to shine brightly in the night sky that Aiden finally spoke up.

 

“Earlier in town… you must be curious about what happened to me.”

 

“Yes—oh, no! If it’s a burden to talk about it, you don’t have to tell me.”

 

Anje hastily corrected her answer after responding honestly without thinking.

 

Her true feelings were curiosity about what kind of illness he had and what caused it, but she was worried that this curiosity might come off as rude.

 

Despite the seriousness of the situation, he smiled gently enough that she didn’t notice.

 

He liked her pure and honest demeanor, which often showed through, and that she still managed to remain warm.

 

“It’s not a pleasant topic, but I think you… I think you’d better know.”

 

“Me? Why…?”

 

“Because you are—”

 

He hesitated, searching for the right words.

 

His spouse? Someone he could trust? Or perhaps… because he wanted her to accept him as he was?

 

The words that immediately came to mind all seemed likely to burden her, so he chose a lighter expression.

 

“Because you’re living with me now.”

 

“That’s…true”

 

Anje nodded with a somewhat uncertain expression. She had the feeling that he had intended to say something else, but that was a minor issue.

 

Aiden looked up at the sky for a moment, pondering where to start. It seemed best to tell the story in chronological order.

 

“As you know, I was deployed to the battlefield as a soldier.”

 

“Yes, I remember hearing about that.”

 

She was aware of this part.

 

“I was deployed overseas with other soldiers to the continent ruled by our Albian Empire.”

 

“Did you go because you wanted to?”

 

Anje asked cautiously, hoping she wasn’t interrupting his story. It was something she had always wondered about.

 

The man she knew didn’t seem like someone who would enjoy violence. He preferred farming and cooking over hunting or shooting.

 

“No, not at all. But I was in a difficult position where I couldn’t refuse the Crown Prince’s… His Highness’s request at the time. He said that there were not enough patriotic soldiers, so he asked me to lend a hand.”

 

It was more likely that the number of soldiers was not lacking, but that the Crown Prince simply did not want to see him anymore and sent him away.

 

‘Even you must know that you received excessive treatment for a bastard. Now, repay that debt by serving the country.’

 

Philip Cardiner was a man very conscious of others’ eyes.

 

Even though the former emperor who cherished Aiden had passed away, killing or exiling him immediately would have made him look like a jealous crown prince who was spitefully targeting a mere bastard.

 

* * * *

 

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