Chapter 5: The Light Only I Can See
The first time I saw that strange ‘light’ was at the nursery.
When people picture nursery, they often envision nurturing caregivers and children forming close bonds like siblings. However, that’s far from the reality I experienced. While such idealized nurseries may exist, the ones I lived in felt more like grim institutions, lacking any sense of joy or warmth.
The facilities were inadequate, reflecting a general neglect of child welfare during that era. In the communal living environment of the nurseries, the specter of abuse and violence loomed constantly. Though I hadn’t experienced military life firsthand, I could attest that nursery life was just as, if not more, challenging.
Abuse took on many forms within the nursery walls. Ridiculous punishments like hanging from heights under the guise of building patience were normalized. Once, I endured a month-long penalty of eating only one side dish simply for voicing a complaint. And then there was the twisted version of waterboarding masked as a harmless diving game.
It wasn’t until I started elementary school that I truly grasped the abnormality of my situation.
I first saw the ‘light’ in the sixth grade of elementary school. Upon returning to the nursery after school, I found the middle schoolers gathered around, engaged in some activity.
Thud!
“Wow, Myung-soo is really good at flipping coins.”
They called it ‘pan-chigi’. It involved placing coins on a thick book and then swiftly slapping the book with your palm. If all the coins landed showing the same side, you could claim the winnings.
During that period, ‘pan-chigi’ had become a popular trend among students, and rumors circulated in the nursery that Myung-Soo hyung was the undisputed champion. As I observed the older boys engrossed in their game of ‘pan-chigi,’ something peculiar caught my attention.
“What’s that…?”
Wasn’t there something odd, like black smoke, swirling around Myung-soo hyung as he played ‘pan-chigi’? I blinked, questioning if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but the black smoke persisted, emanating from Myung-soo hyung.
“Myung-soo hyung, there’s black smoke coming out of you.”
At that moment, I was just a naive 13-year-old, so I couldn’t help point my finger at Myung-soo hyung and blurted out:
“Kim Myung-soo, did you fart?”
“What nonsense. Song Dae-woon are you going crazy?”
As Myung-soo hyung approached, he delivered a swift smack to the back of my head before walking away, muttering about going to smoke a cigarette.
“Huh?”
It was strange. The black smoke that I saw just now was nowhere to be found.
“Did I see it wrong…?”
Self-blaming for doing something useless, I forgot about what I had seen. However, as fate would have it, on my 19th birthday, I received the devastating news that Myung-Soo hyung had taken his own life, succumbing to the weight of his gambling debts.
With time, I progressed into middle school. While the childish bullying that plagued my younger years had mostly faded away, new and more formidable challenges loomed on the horizon.
“Hey, Song Dae-woon! Don’t stir up trouble and end up getting a beating from the older guys somewhere. You better establish yourself as the top dog in school, or you’ll be in big trouble.”
High school seniors, their words laced with intimidation, confronted me while puffing on cigarettes, and I found myself unable to stand up to their threats. Eventually, I was drawn into senseless fights with my schoolmates, all because I lacked the strength to resist their coercion.
When there were no more fights left to engage in at my own school, I resorted to seeking out altercations at different schools. However, if I happened to lose a fight, it often resulted in brutal beatings inflicted upon me.
“Hey, you! I distinctly told you not to slap us in the face, didn’t I? Screw you for being a wimp.”
Even as the older boys kicked me relentlessly, I couldn’t comprehend their reasoning. What did my fighting have to do with slapping their faces? Briefly, I considered reporting the abuse to the nursery teachers, but I quickly realized it would be futile, so I resigned myself to enduring the torment.
It seemed to start from then.
“Can’t you just leave me alone? Why is everyone picking on me?”
The anger I had suppressed for so long finally erupted, filling my eyes with a venomous intensity that seemed out of place for someone my age. From that moment on, my approach to fighting changed drastically. It was as if I had adopted a mindset of ‘I’ll do whatever it takes to win.’ Even opponents larger than me or those with boxing experience eventually found themselves defeated, showing signs of surrender.
As I continued fighting recklessly, I suddenly found myself surrounded by many acquaintances. At the time, I didn’t realize it, but I didn’t have a single genuine friend. It was only later that I understood the truth, the people around me were either intimidated by me or seeking to exploit my notorious reputation.
“How did things end up like this?”
I pondered, feeling utterly drained and disillusioned with life. Seeking solace, I approached the older boys who often loitered by the alley walls, puffing on cigarettes.
“I’ve had enough of fighting,” I declared to them. “So, you should know that.”
“Has this guy finally lost his mind?” One of them scoffed.
“Hey, Song Dae-woon, Aren’t you the one who’s been throwing your weight around lately?”
“This guy needs to learn some respect.” One of the older boys remarked dismissively.
After that, my memory becomes hazy. All I knew was that I had to break free from this destructive cycle.
When I finally regained my senses, I found the older boys lying on the ground, their arms and legs broken, tears streaming down their faces and blood flowed from my own wounds as my head throbbing with pain.
From that day onward, the older boys never bothered me again.
The second time I saw the ‘light’ was abroad on an ocean fishing ship.
On the Zeus, the ship I joined in my first year, there were a total of 35 crew members. At the vast expense of the Pacific Ocean, a new addition joined our ranks: a shepherd mix named “Bison” born just three months prior.
Bison was a playful puppy brought aboard by the captain from another ship. While undeniably cute, he quickly became a source of trouble. He roamed freely, leaving messes everywhere, and even bit some of the crew members.
As concerns mounted over the troublesome dog, one person stepped forward.
“I’ll take responsibility and take care of him.”
The person who raised his hand was Lee Ju-seok, a man a decade my senior. He revealed that he had borrowed a significant amount of money to cover his daughter’s treatment for a serious illness and had joined the crew to repay his debts.
“You’re sure about this? You can’t back out once you’ve made your decision,” the captain cautioned.
With unwavering determination, Ju-seok replied, “Yes! I used to work as a military dog handler, so I’m confident in my abilities.”
With genuine care and dedication, Ju-seok nurtured Bison, and as a result, the pup thrived, becoming an integral part of the ship’s community.
Bison’s presence brought joy to the otherwise mundane life at sea, and he formed strong bonds with all the crew members.
That’s when I saw it—the radiant golden light surrounding Ju-seok. It appeared sporadically whenever he was with Bison, but then, abruptly, it vanished altogether.
One day, having completed my duties, I approached Ju-seok, who was playing with Bison.
“It seems like Bison really follows you well.”
“Well, it’s as if I’m raising him as my own. I’m worried because I’ve become too attached to him,” Ju-seok confessed, his eyes reflecting a mix of emotions.
Watching Ju-seok tenderly pet Bison, I couldn’t help but ask, “What are you going to do after you get off the ship?”
“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t learned any skills to make a living, and I’m tired of this life at sea,” Ju-seok admitted with a sigh.
“What about pursuing dog training?” I suggested.
“Huh? Haha. Dae-woon, that’s not something just anyone can do. It requires professional training.”
“From what I see, I think you’ll do it much better. Besides, it’s something you genuinely enjoy, isn’t it?”
“I genuinely enjoy… doing it?” Ju-seok mused, seemingly taken aback by the realization.
“You didn’t realize. Your demeanor changes completely when you’re training Bison compared to when you’re doing ship chores.”
After that, Ju-seok gazed out at the sea, bathed in the hues of the sunset, lost in thought for a long while.
Then Ju-seok made the bold decision to pursue a career in dog training, following his passion ignited by his time with Bison. And a few years later, I received news that he had achieved remarkable success, becoming renowned enough to appear on television as a dog trainer.
***
“No. That’s enough from her. If it’s him, I’ll think about it.”
My sudden remarks caught the branch manager, Jeong Seon-a, and Kim Seon-gi off guard.
It was understandable. Opting to entrust over a hundred billion won to a rookie, seemingly lacking in experience, rather than an established employee with a proven track record was certainly surprising.
But for me, it held little significance. After all, any overly risky investment that could harm the principal would be vetoed by me.
What truly piqued my interest was investigating the mysterious light.
I harbored a deep curiosity about the origins and significance of that golden light—when it appeared, where it originated, and for what purpose it shone.
One thing for sure was that only I could perceive its light.
Instead of relying solely on rational judgment, I resolved to heed the call of the light and follow its guidance.
“Um, sir? If I may, our assistant manager, Kim Seon-Gi, has only been with us for a year and lacks experience in private banking…”
The branch manager hesitated, beads of sweat forming on their forehead as he attempted to dissuade me.
“It’s alright. I don’t intend to make any reckless investments anyway. I’ll discuss with Assistant Manager Kim Seon-gi and jointly make the investment decision, so there’s no need for concern on your part.”
“Even so…” the branch persisted, clearly unsettled by my decision.
“He’s the only one who has consistently and kindly assisted me. Unlike the others who ignored and disregarded me.”
As I made my statement, I subtly glanced at the female manager, Jeong Seon-a.
Jeong Seon-a, who appeared either startled or bothered by something.
“With someone like him, I feel confident entrusting him with my assets. However, if that’s not feasible, then… I’ll take my business elsewhere,” I asserted firmly.
Drdrdr
At the sound of my chair scraping against the floor as I began to stand, the startled branch manager hastily implored me to remain seated.
“Oh! Sir! How could it not be feasible? It’s absolutely possible. Assistant Manager Kim Seon-gi is renowned for his sincerity and dedication in all his endeavors. You can rest assured that he’s a trustworthy individual,” the branch manager reassured me, his tone tinged with nervous laughter.
I hadn’t truly been concerned from the start, but I wasn’t so insensitive as to overlook such minor details.
“In that case, please continue your discussion. I’ll excuse myself for a moment. And Manager Jeong Seon-a, please join me in my office… momentarily”. He stated calmly.
At the branch manager’s words, Manager Jeong Seon-a was led away, looking like a lamb being slaughtered.
The branch manager’s gaze at Jeong Seon-A was disconcerting. Whether he had ascended to the position of branch manager through adept maneuvering or some other means, he seemed to have a vague sense of what transpired.
Regardless, their issues were their own to contend with, and I needed to attend to mine.
“Nice to meet you, Assistant Manager Kim. Allow me to formally introduce myself. My name is Song Dae-woon.”
I greeted, extending my hand for a handshake. Kim Seon-gi hastily accepted my hand, responding,
“I’m Kim Seon-gi, the assistant manager at Daehan Bank Korea. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
With formalities out of the way, we engaged in light conversation to alleviate the initial tension. Perhaps due to our similar ages, we quickly became friendly. One thing I particularly appreciated about Kim Seon-Gi was his discretion—he didn’t pry into the source of my wealth, demonstrating perceptiveness and respect for boundaries.
“Mr. Song Dae-woon, since you lean more towards safe investments rather than high-risk ones, I’ll tailor your portfolio accordingly.”
“Well, everything sounds good, but um…”
I hesitated, why did I suddenly see the golden light that hadn’t been there before? What had changed? What was different now?
“Is there anything else you’d like to discuss, sir?”
Kim Seon-gi inquired, his demeanor slightly nervous, perhaps concerned about any potential missteps.
As I glanced at Kim Seon-gi, I noticed a file tucked under his arm.
“What about that file?” I asked, curiosity piqued.
