A Blank Slate Regression For The Idol That Lost His Original Intention

I spat out the words and then hesitated.

 

Should I really bring this up here, something I haven’t even told Gyeon Ha-jun? Especially in front of Seo Ye-Hyun, the person I’m most awkward and distant with?

 

“So, yeah, I’m curious. You came from the underground scene, so why did you debut as an idol?”

 

Now that Seo Ye-Hyun had shared his story, I couldn’t just back out.

 

Why did I choose to become an idol…?

 

I recalled my resolve and determination from back then, which had faded a bit now that seven years had passed.

 

“I wanted to get away from Mucal.”

 

“Mucal?”

 

“Music Cloud. ‘One Chance’ was originally a self-composed song that I intended to upload as a mixtape there, but, well… you never know how things will turn out.”

 

If you ask whether I was happy back then, I think I was.

 

At least at that time, I could make music as much as I wanted.

 

“I didn’t want to rot in the underground scene. But the path to the overground was like a needle’s eye; it wasn’t something I could just go for because I wanted to. My skills weren’t overground-level back then either.”

 

Now, well, I’ve got top-tier skills recognized even by Sang-Yeol hyung.

 

Back then, Korean hip-hop was considered a barren field, treated as minor.

 

Hip-hop didn’t rise to the mainstream until Wnet’s Hip-Hop Survival Season 3 became a massive hit, kicking off the golden age. D.I.—or Yong-cheol hyung —was a case of someone who entered the overground scene by finishing as the runner-up in Season 3.

 

That was three years after our debut, so about two and a half years before the hip-hop golden age began.

 

Seventeen-year-old Yoon Eden, who had high self-esteem and aspirations but neither the skills nor timing on his side.

 

At that time, I was just an immature kid and made a choice that a reckless youngster might make.

 

“There was something I kept hearing back then. They’d say, ‘You’ve got the height, you’ve got the looks, you could be an idol.’”

 

“So, you became an idol? Gained confidence from that?”

 

Confidence, huh? I burst out laughing at the naive statement.

 

“Doesn’t that sound like a compliment? It was sarcasm.”

 

In the hip-hop underground, where they looked down on idol rappers, telling me to debut as an idol was hardly encouragement or praise. The pride of underground hip-hop runs deep.

 

I still haven’t shaken that habit even now.

 

“So, I quit and auditioned, then started trainee life. My mindset was that I’d debut as an idol, make it big, and then release a solo album to crush all of them who were just uploading mixtapes on Mucal.”

 

And yet, I haven’t been able to release a solo album in the past seven years.

 

At most, I might have included one solo track in a REVE album.

 

The only consolation was that none of the guys who laughed at me back then had amounted to anything.

 

I had no one to blame since it was a path I chose.

 

Sometimes, I imagined what it would’ve been like.

 

If I had stuck it out and caught the right timing like some of the older guys, could I have lived the life I wanted, making the music I wanted?

 

‘No way.’

 

I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to work with G1, wouldn’t have been criticized, and even if I had been, I wouldn’t have severed ties with the older guys over misunderstandings, nor would I have been driven to change my rap style out of spite.

 

I would’ve gone on thinking I was great, settling for being a big fish in a small pond, content with being a dragon’s tail.

 

I used to think I was on the path to the worst possible outcome, but looking back now, not all the roads I’ve walked were the worst.

 

As I closed my eyes and rested my head against the mirror in the practice room, Seo Ye-Hyun suddenly thanked me out of nowhere.

 

“Hey, Yoon Eden. Thanks.”

 

“For what? For comforting you?”

 

“No. Thanks to you, I no longer feel like my reason for choosing this path is pathetic.”

 

I frowned and looked to the side. Seo Ye-Hyun’s eyes clearly showed the feeling of “Well, at least I’m better off than him,” and I let out a deep sigh.

 

“Can’t we just… end on a positive note for once?”

 

Seo Ye-Hyun and I were bound to clash.

 

It would be strange if we didn’t, given how different our personalities are.

 

Seo Ye-Hyun shrugged and got up. I also stood up beside him.

 

“Play the music. I’ll watch from the side.”

 

“What if you throw a fit, I demand 100,000 won for every rude comment?”

 

“How long are you going to keep ripping me off?”

 

“If you stop making rude comments, you won’t get ripped off. Saying that I should go learn from kids preparing for a kindergarten talent show was too much.”

 

He moved his body lightly to the beat of the music.

 

Watching Seo Ye-Hyun’s dance moves improve quite a bit compared to earlier, I sighed in relief.

 

At least today, I won’t have to worry about getting more than 100,000 won. Thank goodness.

 

***

 

A single lamp was the only source of light in the dark room.

 

Kim Do-Bin suddenly leaned into the camera on the cluttered desk, adjusting his thick-rimmed glasses as he whispered.

 

“Hello, this is Do-Bin.”

 

On the desk were two 500ml water bottles and some white powder.

 

If Yoon Eden were to describe it, Kim Do-Bin’s expression was unnecessarily serious for someone preparing to do something completely pointless.

 

“Do you know, viewers? They say that if you mix salt, sugar, and water, you get an electrolyte drink.”

 

Carefully, Kim Do-Bin poured the powder into each of the water bottles, then grabbed them with both hands and shook them vigorously.

 

“Electrolyte drinks are supposed to replenish the fluids and electrolytes you lose when you sweat. So, I’m planning to make two bottles of it and bring them to the practice room tomorrow. Only the lucky ones will get to drink this.”

 

After shaking the bottles for a while, he checked the contents and tilted his head in confusion at the powder still sitting at the bottom.

 

“Why isn’t it dissolving? Do I need to microwave it?”

 

As he was seriously contemplating this, the door suddenly swung open behind him.

 

Startled, Kim Do-Bin reflexively placed the water bottles back on the desk.

 

Ryu Jae-Hee, who walked into the room while shaking water from his towel-dried hair, immediately reached for one of the bottles.

 

“Wow, I was thirsty, and this is perfect timing.”

 

“Hey, no! You can’t drink that now!”

 

A fierce struggle ensued between the one trying to grab the bottle and the one trying to keep it away. The intense battle ended with the sound of a loud clap from behind them.

 

“Guys, it’s midnight. Midnight. Can you keep it down? The older members need to sleep.”

 

Yoon Eden, leaning against the doorframe with a tired look on his face, let out a sigh and scolded them.

 

Noticing the water bottles in Kim Do-Bin’s hands, Yoon Eden added,

 

“Put those in the fridge. I need to bring 500ml bottles to the practice room, so stick to drinking the 1L bottles here at the dorm.”

 

“Yes, I’ll do it right away.”

 

Once Yoon Eden returned to his room, Kim Do-Bin let out a sigh of relief and resumed shaking the bottles with determination.

 

“Hyung, what did you put in the water?”

 

“Can’t you tell from the way I’m shaking it?”

 

“What did you put in it? It looks completely clear.”

 

Satisfied that the powder had finally dissolved, Kim Do-Bin shook the seemingly clear water bottles with a mischievous smile.

 

“You’ll find out tomorrow. If you’re lucky, you might get to drink it.”

 

“Don’t you mean ‘if you’re unlucky’?”

 

* * *

 

“Do we really have to do this…?”

 

Seo Ye-Hyun, looking exhausted, asked while loosening the cashmere scarf I gave him for Christmas.

 

His comfortable sweatpants and long padded jacket didn’t match the cashmere scarf at all, but as they say, it’s the person who completes the outfit. On someone like Seo Ye-Hyun, it somehow worked.

 

To be honest, it wasn’t so much that it suited him as it was that his face overshadowed the absurdity of the fashion combination.

 

In response, Gyeon Ha-Jun, holding a tumbler, awkwardly chuckled. Since it was just a tumbler, there was no risk of committing a fashion faux pas.

 

Kim Do-Bin, smirking, had his card wallet tucked into the back pocket of his pants, while Ryu Jae-Hee was nodding his head to the music playing through his earphones.

 

In other words, I was the biggest victim here.

 

Piercings and a snapback, completely removed from my usual style, and a negative ion bracelet that supposedly had zero health benefits.

 

“…Damn, I feel like the worst-dressed on the red carpet.”

 

I grumbled as I adjusted the snapback, which I had worn backward, to the front again.

 

This was all because of Ryu Jae-Hee’s damned suggestion.

 

Kim Do-Bin was packing a camera, saying we should film our practice session, and I should have stopped Ryu Jae-Hee when he insisted that we take on a challenge to wear our Christmas presents for a day.

 

“But if we don’t do something like this, Eden hyung would never wear my gift. I understand that he wants to treasure the gift from his cute and charming little brother, but gifts truly shine when they’re worn.”

 

“Don’t you break out in hives when you call yourself cute and charming?”

 

And it’s not that I want to treasure it, damn it. It’s just not my style, period.

 

The snapback, which had an obnoxious smiley face with a yellow face plastered on it, was already too much with its garish primary color scheme.

 

The long chain cross earring dangled and clinked with every step, which drove me nuts. I usually wear earrings that sit close to my ears because I hate anything that gets in the way, so this was torture.

 

Of course, he had to buy something that only someone like him would like.

 

When we arrived at the practice room, Seo Ye-Hyun, who had taken off his padded jacket, tugged at his scarf and asked hesitantly.

 

“I don’t have to keep the scarf on while we practice… do I?”

 

“You can take it off while we practice. But there’s a condition! You have to wear it during every break!”

 

Hearing this, I started to take off my snapback, only to be stopped by Ryu Jae-Hee.

 

“Are you playing favorites? Why does one person get to take something off, but the other has to keep wearing it?”

 

“Hyung, you usually practice with a snapback on. I only told Ye-Hyun hyung to take off the scarf because it’ll get sweaty and hot.”

 

“Hey, my head gets hot too.”

 

“Hyung, are you telling me you don’t like my gift…?”

 

How many points would I lose if I said yes right now?

 

I can’t believe I have to consider how many points I lose every time I open my mouth. Ah, I miss the old days.

 

“Of course not. How could I not like the gift our youngest got me?”

 

I replied as I adjusted the snapback to the front again.

 

Kim Do-Bin, who had brought eight bottles of water to the corner of the practice room, chuckled like some sort of low-level villain.

 

I have no idea what he’s planning. Did he put vinegar in the water? But we can’t just not drink water, and there’s no convenience store nearby.

 

Judging by how he insisted on bringing the camera, he must have something silly planned.

 

If I find out he put something undrinkable in the water, I’ll make him take a taxi to buy new water bottles.

 

As we were in the middle of a grueling dance practice, I called for a 10-minute break when the members started looking exhausted.

 

And then…

 

“Ugh! What is this? Hey, Kim Do-Bin!”

 

“Could this be the reason?”

 

“Are you serious?”

 

“Come on, it’s worth a try. Just take it off.”

 

“What the—? It really was because of this?”

 

“What? What is it? Hyung, let me try too.”

 

“Are you sure you and Eden hyung didn’t plan this together?”

 

“I’m starting to get a little scared…”

 

The horrifying event that took place in the practice room was captured entirely on camera and broadcast on our reality show.

 

[For more details, check out Mydol Camera!]

 

 

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